Baby Showers for Teenage Moms

[marsupial]

Bah. I should probably just have this thread deleted.

No! This is one of the only threads not about Utah and the PAC.

[Tick's wife]

she's made her decision to keep the baby, that's her choice. A baby shower celebrates the baby, not the mother. If you're not comfortable, don't go. I had a baby out of wed-lock and very thankful that people put my 'accident' aside and ended up with 2 showers because my friends loved me and wanted the best for my baby, who by the way, is heading to BYU on a scholarship.

[Mrs. Funk]

she's made her decision to keep the baby, that's her choice. A baby shower celebrates the baby, not the mother. If you're not comfortable, don't go. I had a baby out of wed-lock and very thankful that people put my 'accident' aside and ended up with 2 showers because my friends loved me and wanted the best for my baby, who by the way, is heading to BYU on a scholarship.

Thanks for putting me in my place.

No, really. I needed to hear that. I'm so happy for your daughter, too. She's a gem and certainly has a mom of whom anybody would be proud.

[UtahDan]

I appreciate you sharing your feelings but I can't help but think some of those feelings equate to a strange form of jealousy on your part. That may not have been your intention but it comes off that way to me a bit. Also, single mothers are not throw aways as others have also pointed out. I suspect had you to do it over you may change about 3-5 words on your post and it wouldn't have sounded nearly as...I don't know the word...just off I guess.

That is totally inappropriate. I know things have been feisty in the sports forum this week, but let's leave that there.

[I.J. Reilly]

As far as baby showers for teen moms, I share in Mrs. Funk's and Commando's ambivalence. It feels wrong to celebrate the new life of a baby who is going to mean the end of youth for the teenage mom.

But the baby is still going to need stuff and the mom is going to need support. I think more appropriate than throwing a party forthe girl would be for friends and family to rally together and donate necessary items to the mom and give them to her without all the silly games, cake and punch.

I think this is probably a good way to go about it. None of the problem is the baby's fault, and by not giving gifts, this is probably who you are ultimately hurting.

Also, a second on not deleting the thread, as it is nice to again see something on the board unrelated to all the conference movement.

[The_Tick]

Is the shipping off of a pregnant child to another state something that is moslty and LDS practice? I know of two families that have sent their kids off to have a baby and give it up for adoption. When the kid comes back they tell folks that they went to live with family for a year of school. Strikes me as odd.

I am glad that my wife didn't give up our oldest. I feel like my life wouldn't feel complete if she had.

But...this is the exact same reason why our child is on birth control. She isn't active, but if something were to happen we wont (99.9% sure) end up in this position.

There is a girl at my daughters HS that just finished her Sophomore year. She had a baby this past year. The father is a Freshman...in college. They threw parties for her like it was Mardi Gras. My daughter was revolted by it, as were many of her friends.

The biggest problem? The girls mother was so excited to be a Grandmother that no one took the time to sit back and think reasonably. Sad situation.

[Tick's wife]

Thanks for putting me in my place.

No, really. I needed to hear that. I'm so happy for your daughter, too. She's a gem and certainly has a mom of whom anybody would be proud.

Not trying to put anyone in their place. Just saying. I was 21, not a teenager but when I hear of teens that I know, who are prego, I cringe because I know what it will be like. Even harder for teens. For me, I was very close to adopting her out but my family would not have been supportive. I was 'old enough' to know better so I had to 'deal' with it. It's too bad the teen prego rate is so high but think of it this way, she at least graduated high school and that is a miracle in some parts of this world.

[beefytee]

Is the shipping off of a pregnant child to another state something that is moslty and LDS practice? I know of two families that have sent their kids off to have a baby and give it up for adoption. When the kid comes back they tell folks that they went to live with family for a year of school. Strikes me as odd.

Wasn't this a plot line on Desparate Housewives? <Embarrassed for possibly knowing this. >

[The_Tick]

Wasn't this a plot line on Desparate Housewives? <Embarrassed for possibly knowing this. >

The list of shows I have never seen 1 episode of:

Desparate Housewives
Dancing with the Stars
Survivor
Amazing Race
Lost
24

So...I would have no idea.

[marsupial]

Is the shipping off of a pregnant child to another state something that is moslty and LDS practice? I know of two families that have sent their kids off to have a baby and give it up for adoption. When the kid comes back they tell folks that they went to live with family for a year of school. Strikes me as odd.

Yeah, really odd. I have even heard people say that that was what really happened to Elizabeth Smart, as she was missing for 9 months.

[SoCalCoug]

I just found out that my high school friend's baby sister is herself having a baby. The girl just graduated from high school and is due in September. The girl and her boyfriend don't show any plans to marry, so their baby girl will presumably be born to unmarried parents who may or may not stay together.

I think what galls me is that today she posted a bunch of pictures from "one of [her] baby showers." She seems to think this whole thing is really fun! Get pregnant and people throw parties for me! Let's celebrate that my baby girl will be the child of a fractured home. Woohoo! Isn't this little pink cake my friends made for me cute?

Barf.

On the one hand, I don't think teenagers who decide to keep their children should be helpless and without assistance. I'm not so sure how I feel about throwing a bunch of parties celebrating their screwups, though. Or maybe I'm just small-minded and cool like that.

Just this last Sunday, my wife gave a talk in church (we're brand new in the ward, too) and shared a bit of her history that was very difficult for her to share (it actually was on point with the conference talk she was assigned to address). She told about how during her senior year at the U of U she grew inactive in the church and became pregnant. She came home, and her family and her ward accepted her and supported her, and she did not feel like she was being judged. She chose to keep the baby, and she had at least one baby shower.

The love and support she felt from her family and friends had a huge effect on her coming back to church and maturing. She raised her daughter as a single mother for 9 years before we got married, and she is very active in church, married in the temple, and a mother of 4 now.

I know what you're saying about celebrating single motherhood, but that girl has made choices, and so she's moving on. Whether her story will end up like my wife's is certainly unknown. But if she's at the point of having a baby shower, if there have been any tears about how she got to that point, they are likely long past, and I think part of trying to make the best of a less-than-ideal situation is allowing yourself to have some of the happiness and excitement that normally comes with having a baby, and trying to give that child as normal a childhood as you can, under the circumstances. She chose to have unprotected sex, she chose to keep the baby. The decision has been made. IMO, the time for judging her about those decisions is past, and you allow her to enjoy her experience as a mother, even though it's not the ideal situation.

[Surfah]

After me and Gidget were sealed, Gidget's 18 month old daughter, born out of wedlock, was brought in and she was sealed to us. A year later my adoption was finalized.

My little girl means everything to me. Mostly because if it weren't for her me and Gidget wouldn't be. When Gidget got pregnant it rocked her world as you can imagine. But it was a catalyst for her to make some necessary changes. She went to her Bishop who wasn't as much concerned with how she got pregnant, but what they were going to do now to get her where she needed to be. When I met Gidget our daughter was 8 months old and Gidget had been endowed and was teaching temple prep in her singles ward.

Regardless of how this child came into the world, the mother and child are both going to need love and support.

[wuapinmon]

Think of the shower as a bachelorette party, one last night of fun before the sobering life of a parent begins. The fun, fun, fun will end soon enough; let her enjoy it while she can.

[MartyFunkhouser]

Yep I agree, in fact I think Mrs. Funk post shows how shallow and sheltered her life has been.

I'm going to go ahead and return the favor from the recruiting post. "Junkie go Fuck yourself, seriously you piece of shit go to hell."

I understand that you may disagree, but leave the personal attacks out of this. My wife is not shallow and not sheltered. You don't know a damn thing about her so shut the fuck up. Again, feel free to disagree, but leave the insults out of it.

[UtahDan]

Think of the shower as a bachelorette party, one last night of fun before the sobering life of a parent begins. The fun, fun, fun will end soon enough; let her enjoy it while she can.

The hubris of teenagers never lasts. Life takes it from us all (for a while anyway). I think it is more important to show this mom support that it is to show here the disapproval of the community. She will need that support. As you suggest, this thing will be its own punishment.