Baby Showers for Teenage Moms

[Babs]

maybe we should respect Ms.Funk's wishes and just let the thread die. It can't be deleted, but perhaps it'd be best to forget about it. I'm sure she didn't intend it the way it came across, or realize that so many on the board have either experienced or are the result of an unplanned pregnancy.

[Mrs. Funk]

maybe we should respect Ms.Funk's wishes and just let the thread die. It can't be deleted, but perhaps it'd be best to forget about it. I'm sure she didn't intend it the way it came across, or realize that so many on the board have either experienced or are the result of an unplanned pregnancy.

Both of the things you said about my intentions you said are true. I didn't mean it to come across as offensive and I certainly didn't know so many people had such strong feelings about it because of the effect of it on their lives.

I think a person who met me in person you'd find me neither shallow nor sheltered. If that's your opinion of me based upon one post, that's too bad.

[MartyFunkhouser]

I respect your desire to protect your wife. However, her post did come across as being shallow. Whatever beef that is between you and junkie has clouded your commom sense on this one, in my opinion. Actually, it comes across as you being shallow and leading a sheltered life.

He didn't say the post came across as shallow. He called my wife shallow and sheltered, there is a big difference.

By the way, I don't have a beef with cougjunkie (well until this most recent post). I think you will note that I haven't had a problem with other people who disagreed with my wife but decided not to insult her.

[marsupial]

You can put me on the record for thinking that Mrs Funk didn't sound shallow or sheltered. I think this thread brings up a lot of issues and questions that make a good discussion. There are no absolutes. Every case is different.

[RobinFinderson]

Sure glad my mom did not give me up when she got pregnant as a teen.

I too am a child of a teenage mother.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Geez, what a grumpy bunch.

[MartyFunkhouser]

Wow. Who is insulting whom? I am glad that you or the missus haven't had to experience what others have had to endure. That being said, you need to look at some experiences through anothers eyes.

By the way, I see the point that my wife has about not celebrating the actions. I work in an area of law where I see the collateral affects of these decisions all the time. Paternity cases are particularly nasty and a lot of times these end up nastier than divorces. I haven't personally experienced these things, but I am not sheltered to them in any way.

I don't think my wife was saying and I know that she doesn't believe that we should put these girls out or stone them. I think that she is just concerned that a baby shower sends the wrong message. That it has the potential to send the message of celebrating the decisions that put the girl in that place.

I think that this is an issue that does need to be approached with some amount of delicacy. I think there are some women who the party sends the wrong message and it is best to just help them out by giving them the necessities and support they need. I think there are some women who not giving them a party would send the wrong message and you probably should give the baby shower. Like a lot of things, it isn't a cut and dry issue and we need to look to the individual for the right decision.

At least that is my shallow and sheltered opinion.

[Katy Lied]

I appreciate you sharing your feelings but I can't help but think some of those feelings equate to a strange form of jealousy on your part.

Why is it every time a woman expresses a controversial opinon on CUF, others have to accuse her of speaking from some emotional wellspring? Babs cant criticize RB without others charging that she wants to be the alpha female. Why can't a woman just have an intellectual opinion?

I understand what Ms.F is trying to say, about a young girl not having the slightest idea of what will happen to her after the baby shower party. I dont think this is a function of being a young unwed mother, I think it's from being young. I've known many young non-pregnant girls who revel in their wedding day party, and I think that they haven't the slightest idea of the difficult life they are in for afterward. For this reason, I think every young girl should watch Muriel's Wedding.

[Babs]

The simple truth of the matter is that no first-time mother has any idea how radically her life is about to change.

[RobinFinderson]

I've just scanned the thread, and once I saw things were getting heated, I made a point to not try to associate names with posts, because you know...

I think that a baby coming into someone's life is always a cause for celebration. I don't care if it is a teenager or not. Having a baby at a young age will certainly close some doors of opportunity for a person, but that isn't something to mourn. Doors are constantly closing for all of us. Ultimately we carve the best life we can out of the opportunities that we have, and it is no different for a teenage mother. Indeed, having the first baby as a teen actually opens some doors of opportunity that older parents miss (namely being a relatively young person who has a way better chance of relating to a young person, and being a relatively young empty nester with plenty of health and vigor). I personally think that people wait too long to have children, and they will be saddled up with needy teenagers when they are relatively old. I don't know... teenage motherhood, it is just another one of those things that might be your life, or maybe not, but it can still be a great life full of joy.

[creekster]

Why is it every time a woman expresses a controversial opinon on CUF, others have to accuse her of speaking from some emotional wellspring? Babs cant criticize RB without others charging that she wants to be the alpha female. Why can't a woman just have an intellectual opinion?

Please try not to be so emotional abotu this, ok?

[marsupial]

The simple truth of the matter is that no first-time mother has any idea how radically her life is about to change.

No, you definitely don't. Becoming a mom turned my life upside down. Gratefully, I was finished with school, had a good job and was a little more emotionally mature than the average teenager.

I am not saying that you shouldn't throw a shower for a teen mom, but it definitely makes the occasion seem less celebratory knowing how becoming a mother is going to limit her options and that is very sad to me.

[FMCoug]

Please try not to be so emotional abotu this, ok?

Women!

[FN Phat]

You Funks are forgetting what a baby shower is all about. It's not called a "you dumba** had unprotected sex so let's celebrate it" shower, it's about the BABY! And she is only a teenager, so she will more than likely need the help and support from family and friends. She's probably endured enough grief from the time she peed positive that she let herself enjoy a day to celebrate her baby. Mrs. Funk, you haven't been there day in and day out with this girl to know exactly how this may (or may not) have rocked her world. So she posted pics. Were you expecting everyone to be dressed in black and have a "RIP TEEN YEARS" cake?

FYI~this is not FN posting...it's FN's wife. He asked me to read this. I am a total outsider and have no clue who has beef with who, frankly I don't care. So this is MHO on the Funks comments. FN's been telling me to join for sometime now, but I know that ignorant comments will unleash the inner beast, lol.

[old_gregg]

By the way, I see the point that my wife has about not celebrating the actions. I work in an area of law where I see the collateral affects of these decisions all the time. Paternity cases are particularly nasty and a lot of times these end up nastier than divorces. I haven't personally experienced these things, but I am not sheltered to them in any way.

I don't think my wife was saying and I know that she doesn't believe that we should put these girls out or stone them. I think that she is just concerned that a baby shower sends the wrong message. That it has the potential to send the message of celebrating the decisions that put the girl in that place.

I think that this is an issue that does need to be approached with some amount of delicacy. I think there are some women who the party sends the wrong message and it is best to just help them out by giving them the necessities and support they need. I think there are some women who not giving them a party would send the wrong message and you probably should give the baby shower. Like a lot of things, it isn't a cut and dry issue and we need to look to the individual for the right decision.

At least that is my shallow and sheltered opinion.

The situation of knowledge and emotion as a lawyer is different from a child born out of wedlock, a parent of a child born out of wedlock, or a grandparent. I understand that you were protecting your wife, and that's not an issue. But she has clarified and I certainly don't fault her for posting because, on face, her concern is at least an interesting topic. But the rhetoric of the original post could definitely have been interpreted as inflammatory. No need to be smug.