Baby Showers for Teenage Moms

[Mrs. Funk]

I just found out that my high school friend's baby sister is herself having a baby. The girl just graduated from high school and is due in September. The girl and her boyfriend don't show any plans to marry, so their baby girl will presumably be born to unmarried parents who may or may not stay together.

I think what galls me is that today she posted a bunch of pictures from "one of [her] baby showers." She seems to think this whole thing is really fun! Get pregnant and people throw parties for me! Let's celebrate that my baby girl will be the child of a fractured home. Woohoo! Isn't this little pink cake my friends made for me cute?

Barf.

On the one hand, I don't think teenagers who decide to keep their children should be helpless and without assistance. I'm not so sure how I feel about throwing a bunch of parties celebrating their screwups, though. Or maybe I'm just small-minded and cool like that.

[FN Phat]

The girl is still going to be a mom. There has been plenty of successful young mothers who have had a child out of wedlock, some who post on this very forum. I would assume some posters on here have mothers that were in that position at one time. I am one of those posters. I suppose it is a matter of perspective.

[il Padrino Ute]

I just found out that my high school friend's baby sister is herself having a baby. The girl just graduated from high school and is due in September. The girl and her boyfriend don't show any plans to marry, so their baby girl will presumably be born to unmarried parents who may or may not stay together.

I think what galls me is that today she posted a bunch of pictures from "one of [her] baby showers." She seems to think this whole thing is really fun! Get pregnant and people throw parties for me! Let's celebrate that my baby girl will be the child of a fractured home. Woohoo! Isn't this little pink cake my friends made for me cute?

Barf.

On the one hand, I don't think teenagers who decide to keep their children should be helpless and without assistance. I'm not so sure how I feel about throwing a bunch of parties celebrating their screwups, though. Or maybe I'm just small-minded and cool like that.

As a gift, you should send her the name of someone to help her put the baby up for adoption.

[cougjunkie]

The girl is still going to be a mom. There has been plenty of successful young mothers who have had a child out of wedlock, some who post on this very forum. I would assume some posters on here have mothers that were in that position at one time. I am one of those posters. I suppose it is a matter of perspective.

Yep I agree, in fact I think Mrs. Funk post shows how shallow and sheltered her life has been.

[cougjunkie]

As a gift, you should send her the name of someone to help her put the baby up for adoption.

Sure glad my mom did not give me up when she got pregnant as a teen.

[Commando]

I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with you, but when you're in their shoes...

Teenage pregnancy out of wedlock is a tragedy, and, while I wouldn't have anyone celebrate it, that shower is probably the sole manifestation of what meager support system the mother will ever have. I mean, mistakes happen. You embrace your life and forge ahead or go into a bunker like you're from the 60's.

[Mrs. Funk]

As a gift, you should send her the name of someone to help her put the baby up for adoption.

To be fair, I don't think that anybody who has a child out of wedlock should have to offer their child up to an adoptive family. I've known kids who have been raised by single mothers who turned out great, and their moms were great women.

I suppose I'm more worried about how much fun fun fun this is to this particular girl. Having a baby is all about parties and getting attention. She has yet to grasp the hugeness of the forthcoming change in her life, and at barely eighteen years old and the baby in her family she's never really been around young children. She's in for a world of sacrifice and sleep deprivation, and she just doesn't "get it."

[Mrs. Funk]

Yep I agree, in fact I think Mrs. Funk post shows how shallow and sheltered her life has been.

Dude, what gives? I'm not saying it's wrong to help out a pregnant teenager. Sheesh.

[Blueintheface]

I just found out that my high school friend's baby sister is herself having a baby. The girl just graduated from high school and is due in September. The girl and her boyfriend don't show any plans to marry, so their baby girl will presumably be born to unmarried parents who may or may not stay together.

I think what galls me is that today she posted a bunch of pictures from "one of [her] baby showers." She seems to think this whole thing is really fun! Get pregnant and people throw parties for me! Let's celebrate that my baby girl will be the child of a fractured home. Woohoo! Isn't this little pink cake my friends made for me cute?

Barf.

On the one hand, I don't think teenagers who decide to keep their children should be helpless and without assistance. I'm not so sure how I feel about throwing a bunch of parties celebrating their screwups, though. Or maybe I'm just small-minded and cool like that.

I appreciate you sharing your feelings but I can't help but think some of those feelings equate to a strange form of jealousy on your part. That may not have been your intention but it comes off that way to me a bit. Also, single mothers are not throw aways as others have also pointed out. I suspect had you to do it over you may change about 3-5 words on your post and it wouldn't have sounded nearly as...I don't know the word...just off I guess.

[cougjunkie]

Dude, what gives? I'm not saying it's wrong to help out a pregnant teenager. Sheesh.

Go re-read your post, it sound really shallow. Maybe that is not the way it was intended but it sure came across that way.

[falafel]

I just found out that my high school friend's baby sister is herself having a baby. The girl just graduated from high school and is due in September. The girl and her boyfriend don't show any plans to marry, so their baby girl will presumably be born to unmarried parents who may or may not stay together.

I think what galls me is that today she posted a bunch of pictures from "one of [her] baby showers." She seems to think this whole thing is really fun! Get pregnant and people throw parties for me! Let's celebrate that my baby girl will be the child of a fractured home. Woohoo! Isn't this little pink cake my friends made for me cute?

Barf.

On the one hand, I don't think teenagers who decide to keep their children should be helpless and without assistance. I'm not so sure how I feel about throwing a bunch of parties celebrating their screwups, though. Or maybe I'm just small-minded and cool like that.

She's having a baby! That is one of the most exciting things that can happen to a person (speaking from a father's point of view, of course). This IS something to be celebrated.

Looking at it from the other side, what good would come of not throwing the expectant mother a few showers? Is this a deterence thing? Are you hoping that by not throwing baby showers for teenage mothers future teenagers will think twice about having unprotected sex based on the belief they might not be supported by their friends and family? Realistically, that would never come into play IMO.

Of course, I dont' think you're actually saying that. I think what you're saying is that maybe people shouldn't act like this isn't going to be a huge struggle for the mother. But the truth is, getting rid of the showers/gifts isn't going to help her understand that. Its just going to make her feel hurt and unwanted.

[Mrs. Funk]

I appreciate you sharing your feelings but I can't help but think some of those feelings equate to a strange form of jealousy on your part. That may not have been your intention but it comes off that way to me a bit. Also, single mothers are not throw aways as others have also pointed out. I suspect had you to do it over you may change about 3-5 words on your post and it wouldn't have sounded nearly as...I don't know the word...just off I guess.

I'm not jealous. Honestly. I can't think of a single thing of which to be jealous. I'm not jealous that she's getting attention, only frustrated that her actions don't seem to manifest any understanding of the significance of bringing a new life into the world. I'm sorry my post sounded "off" or jealous. It wasn't my intention. This is a child! A human being! A mom who thinks this is all about cake and buying baby clothes doesn't get it. I'm sure not every teenage mom is this way.

If I had a teenage daughter (or son who had a pregnant girlfriend), of course I'd want the baby to be taken care of and have food, safety, clothing, and shelter. I'm concerned about the message it sends, though, that teenager pregnancy is something we should celebrate. I don't think we need to send girls to the country for "their confinement" in the ways that society previously demanded, but we still need to send the message the getting pregnant is a big deal.

[Mrs. Funk]

Of course, I dont' think you're actually saying that. I think what you're saying is that maybe people shouldn't act like this isn't going to be a huge struggle for the mother. But the truth is, getting rid of the showers/gifts isn't going to help her understand that. Its just going to make her feel hurt and unwanted.

Yes, that is what I was trying to say. I think you're right here, and I wrote this post as a knee-jerk reaction to seeing about 40 pictures of a baby shower and feeling sick inside, knowing this girl is in store for a world of change and not seeing it. I probably would have been more moderate if I'd stepped about for thirty minutes.

How else would we handle this? I'm not sure. Certainly don't shut out or shun a pregnant mom. That helps no one. Not giving presents or offering assistance is also wrong.

Bah. I should probably just have this thread deleted.

[Mrs. Funk]

Go re-read your post, it sound really shallow. Maybe that is not the way it was intended but it sure came across that way.

My description of the pictures isn't that far off. They show no understanding of the changes about to happen in her life. I didn't mean offense and I certainly didn't mean to sound shallow or sheltered. Being raise by a single parent isn't one of the things I've experienced, so perhaps I spoke too quickly.

[marsupial]

Sure glad my mom did not give me up when she got pregnant as a teen.

Yes, but had she given you up to a loving couple you came to know as Mom and Dad, you would probably be saying, "I'm sure glad my mom gave me up." The truth is, both scenarios can result in a good or not-so good life for the child, and the unwed mom can't really predict the outcome. This is just one of the reasons why keeping or not keeping the baby is such a difficult decision for unwed mothers to make.

As far as baby showers for teen moms, I share in Mrs. Funk's and Commando's ambivalence. It feels wrong to celebrate the new life of a baby who is going to mean the end of youth for the teenage mom.

But the baby is still going to need stuff and the mom is going to need support. I think more appropriate than throwing a party forthe girl would be for friends and family to rally together and donate necessary items to the mom and give them to her without all the silly games, cake and punch.