Favorite non-vulgar insults

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  • YOhio
    Hipster Mode
    • Nov 2008
    • 26165
    #1

    Favorite non-vulgar insults

    I'm no stranger to profanity or vulgarity, but I love a good well-timed, non-vulgar insult. It can be cutting, but mostly it makes me laugh. A few months ago an old guy in my ward who was really upset at a local official and he called him a buzzard. Classic! Anyways, on to my two favorites.

    Turkey - this one is time tested. Call an enemy a turkey and the look of bewilderment on their face will make you immediately forgive them of their wrongdoing. Try this one today!

    Baby - Calling someone a baby is awesome. It implies that they're helpless and whiny, but there is no way that someone can defend themselves of the accusation without sounding like a big baby.

    Let's here some others. These ones have been in my repertoire for years and I'm looking for some new ones.
    Tags: None
    • Jarid in Cedar
      CS Institutional Memory
      • Jun 2009
      • 13234
      #2
      Originally posted by YOhio View Post
      I'm no stranger to profanity or vulgarity, but I love a good well-timed, non-vulgar insult. It can be cutting, but mostly it makes me laugh. A few months ago an old guy in my ward who was really upset at a local official and he called him a buzzard. Classic! Anyways, on to my two favorites.

      Turkey - this one is time tested. Call an enemy a turkey and the look of bewilderment on their face will make you immediately forgive them of their wrongdoing. Try this one today!

      Baby - Calling someone a baby is awesome. It implies that they're helpless and whiny, but there is no way that someone can defend themselves of the accusation without sounding like a big baby.

      Let's here some others. These ones have been in my repertoire for years and I'm looking for some new ones.
      Spartan

      Pansy
      "The first thing I learned upon becoming a head coach after fifteen years as an assistant was the enormous difference between making a suggestion and making a decision."

      "They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression."

      "I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me."

      -Rick Majerus

        Comment

        • TripletDaddy
          sweet triple
          • Nov 2008
          • 58186
          #3
          Wow, this topic is the mother lode for me. I have several of these.

          I always use knucklehead, in case anyone here hasn't noticed.

          I think I posted on CG, but fairly "recently," (as in within the past couple of years) I overheard someone my age say, "get off my case, toilet face." That made me laugh for quite awhile. He was serious when he said it, too.

          Another one I use is from my childhood. My friend and I would do yardwork for this one guy, but mostly we wouldn't do the yardwork and just goof around and collect our money later. He would often catch us loafing and refer to us and "Frick and Frack." We always thought that was funny. One day at dinner, I told my mom and she explained to me that "Frick and Frack" is a pejorative from her generation, used to describe two fools. lol!

          Other ones that I love to use: bozo, goofball, and clown.
          Fitter. Happier. More Productive.
          sigpic

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            • Jarid in Cedar
              CS Institutional Memory
              • Jun 2009
              • 13234
              #4
              My dad would use "numb nuts" anytime any of us did something stupid.
              "The first thing I learned upon becoming a head coach after fifteen years as an assistant was the enormous difference between making a suggestion and making a decision."

              "They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression."

              "I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me."

              -Rick Majerus

                Comment

                • RobinFinderson
                  Banned
                  • Nov 2008
                  • 10548
                  #5
                  I've been using 'Mother scratcher' since high school. This is one of those silly replacements for a vulgar phrase, the image of a 'mother scratcher' has always made me laugh.

                    Comment

                    • New Mexican Disaster
                      Suomalainen
                      • Nov 2008
                      • 4549
                      #6
                      Is dingle douche vulgar?

                        Comment

                        • il Padrino Ute
                          Junior Member
                          • Nov 2008
                          • 19161
                          #7
                          A childhood favorite when someone is whining about something - "Too bad, so sad for you!"

                          These are more on the vulgar side - and I apologize for it - but ColoUte has used a couple of variations of douche bag - douche waffle and douche nozzle.
                          "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill


                          "I only know what I hear on the news." - Dear Leader

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                            • Art Vandelay
                              Striving for mediocrity
                              • Jul 2009
                              • 10516
                              #8
                              One of my dad's favorites that he didn't think was vulgar, but I was never brave enough to repeat, "Go tell them to let their pups' suck". It always confused me but seemed to convey the desired message without dropping an F-bomb (which I only heard twice in my life from him).

                                Comment

                                • Colly Wolly
                                  Junior Member
                                  • Nov 2008
                                  • 1824
                                  #9
                                  "Chump" is my proverbial ace in the hole when vulgarity is to be avoided.

                                    Comment

                                    • BoylenOver
                                      Junior Member
                                      • Nov 2008
                                      • 9146
                                      #10
                                      Knucklehead.
                                      These two sisters I was really good friends with in H.S. used hemorrhid.
                                      Freakin idiot.
                                      "I don't know the origin of said bitch booming."-Art Vandelay
                                      "Hot Lunch posted awhile back on this. He knows more than anyone except for maybe BO."-Seattle Ute

                                        Comment

                                        • Tim
                                          Not Banned
                                          • Nov 2008
                                          • 4390
                                          #11
                                          Butthead. I love that one! Me and Biff Tannen.
                                          Visca Catalunya Lliure

                                            Comment

                                            • Guest
                                              #12
                                              Originally posted by Colly Wolly View Post
                                              "Chump" is my proverbial ace in the hole when vulgarity is to be avoided.
                                              Chump is interesting. In my HS, in certain circles, calling someone a chump would lead to a brawl faster than most any vulgarity.

                                                Comment

                                                • Commando
                                                  Explosivo
                                                  • Feb 2009
                                                  • 20748
                                                  #13
                                                  are we delving into the condescending name cache?

                                                  Slugger
                                                  Champ
                                                  Tiger
                                                  Big Guy

                                                  Or is it the Old Timer's Diss?

                                                  Ne'er-do-well
                                                  "go soak your head"
                                                  Rascal
                                                  Strumpet...
                                                  "I'm anti, can't no government handle a commando / Your man don't want it, Trump's a bitch! I'll make his whole brand go under,"

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Pheidippides
                                                      Liberal Feminazi
                                                      • Nov 2008
                                                      • 14759
                                                      #14
                                                      Dingleberry
                                                      Poophead (a term of endearment in my home)
                                                      Simpleton
                                                      Wackmobile
                                                      Awesomeness now has a name. Let me introduce myself.

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Moliere
                                                          One man.....one pie
                                                          • Oct 2009
                                                          • 27818
                                                          #15
                                                          I exclusively use "wuss"
                                                          "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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