The Accidental Boobie Thread

[falafel]

Not really breast stories, but interesting nonetheless. In the first month of my mission in Spain, we were returning to our flat late at night from a discussion. We had to pass through a little stairway/alley that was z shaped. Weird configuration, I know. Anyway, there were no windows that looked into this alley and you could not see the middle part of the "z" from either the road above or the road below.

As we entered the fairly short alley, we heard "noises." As we came into the middle section, we encountered a guy and a girl. The guy was sitting on the step and the girl was just finishing standing up and straightening her skirt.

As we walk by, my companion starts a stifled laugh. At first I didn't see what he saw, but as I looked down, the girl's panties were draped across one of her feet, laying on her shoe and the ground.

Second story. My last P-Day in Spain. We were in a town on the Atlantic called Cadiz. It was a sunny day, but it was late February, so still chilly and a jacket was necessary. Well, we decided to play some football at a local park. As we were playing catch, a couple came and sat down on the only bench in the park, which was very close to us. We continued to play. We ate our take-out pizzas and Fanta. We resumed playing ball.

Now, keep in mind, the couple was only about 15 yards away from us. Eventually we noticed that the girl had disappeared. No! Wait! She had not! She had laid down on his lap, covered her head with her jacket and started to make use of her talents on the skin flute!

Lets' see, boobies? Just on ads and at kiosks.

I'm considering requesting that his thread title be changed to The Penthouse Forum thread. Some racy stories in there. Eddie Jones, what were you thinking?!

[MarkGrace]

Also in my second area there was this 18 year old new mother that would whip it out every sacrament meeting.

My bishop's wife does this. In Seattle. In 2009. Freaks me out.

[dabrockster]

OK...mine are kinda weak, but to move things in the more heterosexual direction, I'll contribute.

I went to France. Coastal France. Lots of high hopes, but in 24 months of tracting, I only have two semi-weak stories.

My first city was La Rochelle. It's on the coast, there's a major beach, lots of tourists, only problem is that it's September. So no luck in person. BUT, there were these perfume ads scattered through town, usually featuring women in various stages of undress. (Ungarro, I want to say? Help me out, SM.) Anyway, we had a second floor apartment (which incidentally, I was told, used to be a bordello) and across the street there was a bus stop with ads that rotated through. For a full two months, my scripture study took place next to a window overlooking a bus stop ad photo, lit up from behind and breaking the winter morning darkness, of a faceless (and bodyless...yes, a shot cropped from the neck to belly-button) set of amazing breasts. Still now, I can almost see them...

Later in my mission, I was riding along the grassy coast of the river in Angers. People would hang out all the time and read (and whatnot...), but always seemed to stay dressed. Well, I'm riding along and this woman has a jacket or cover of some sort and she turns around just as she's taking it off. And there we go...five feet away and directly facing me, 23 months into my mission, I get rewarded for my patience.

Ungarro III.

This is the cologne I currently use. LOVE IT!!!! When I run out, it takes a lot of investigating work for me to find it again. Usually, I get lucky in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida at some huge Swamp meet where I then purchase my treasured cologne again.. This past summer. I got a large bottle of it for $18 dollars.. Dude knew he would have cologne for forever if he did not just sell it to me and I took advantage..



FYI: My roommate who served in France got me hooked on it..

[Moliere]

Sorry for being late to the party, didn't see the new thread.

Where do I start? Maybe I can post one a day for the next couple weeks.

One of the best stories was while I was serving in a small French city about 1.5 hours north of Paris. We had a car in this city half the time (shared it with another small city to the east). There were railroad tracks that ran through the city right next to the centreville (basically the place in the city with all the shops and walking roads and was obviously the place we hung out the most since people were there). We lived in an apartment on the other side of the railroad tracks so basically we had to cross the tracks in our car to get to the centreville.

To get across the tracks the road went up and over the tracks so auto traffic didn't have to stop for any trains. When you are coming down from this crossing bridge there was a stop light and right behind the stop light was a place for a billboard.

Well one day we are going across the crossing bridge and as we make it over the crest on our way down we all looked at the light and immediately we stop whatever convesation we were having. Basically the billboard had been changed to a picture of a woman's bare chest and the stop light was dead center.

That billboard was up for probably a month, so for the next month whenever the light was red the elder who was driving got to sit and stare for up to a minute waiting for the light to turn green.

[Drunk Tank]

I served in Queens and Brooklyn. It was a hotbed for the accidental boobie sightings. From girls getting their tube tops yanked off as we walked by (not by us, I promise) to women opening their doors topless, to the breast feeding latin women, we saw it all.

A few that come to mind....

We were teaching a first discussion, and on the first vision, the ladies 6 year old kid ran in the room yelling "teta" and proceeded top lift up his moms shirt, take out her teet, and started to feed.

We were tracting a building. It was my turn to talk. An old abuelita opens the door and I start...."Somos misioneros de la iglesi.........WTF?" Something wasnt right. Then it hit me. She was wearing a buttoned up old flannel shirt....at waist level, her boobs were protruding from the bottom of her shirt She must have had many many kids....

And one more. We were teaching a discussion and I really needed to use the bathroom, so I politely asked to do so. We could see the bathroom from where we were seated and the door was partially open. You could hear the shower running and I asked the lady if anyone was in there. She said she was steaming some clothes and no one was in the bathroom. So I go in and shut the door to do my business, when the shower curtain opens and the ladies 18-20 y.o. niece treated me to a full frontal. I was in shock, but she just smiled, grabbed a towel and walked out of the bathroom.


Bonus....

In one area, we frequently visited a 96 y.o. elderly woman named Elia. We would take the sacrament to her on Sundays. She always wore a hospital gown and had a hospital bed in her living room. One Sunday we knocked and she said to come in. She was trying to get back in her Gurney (pulling herself up and sliding backwards onto the bed, facing us), and she had accidentally put her gown on backwards (open in front, not back)..........................


What was seen, can never be unseen....

[YOhio]

What was seen, can never be unseen....

lol!

[Moliere]

About one month after landing in the mission field all the elders in the district were invited to a FHE at a members home. There were six of us in total. We arrived at their apartment and the family proceeded to have the FHE, which included the dad giving the lesson. Being new I was still struggling mightily with the language so my mind and eyes tended to wander a bit more than the other missionaries.

The family had a baby that was probably 3 ro 4 months old. At one point during the lesson my eyes were wandering when all of a sudden the mom lifted up her shirt and flashed me as she was preparing to feed the baby. She looked up and saw that I had seen it and she didn't seem all too pleased. I quickly looked at the other elders and none of them had seen it.

After the FHE I was trying to joke with my companion about it and he told me she had warned us before proceeding to feed. At that point I thought it would be wise to include the term "breastfeeding" in the language lessons in the MTC.

[dabrockster]

In my time in Guatemala, I saw many well used boobie shots. It is natural to them nor is it an issue (Culturally)..

The one thing I vividly remember is the shot of a Pegamentor women hissing at me with her pants to her ankles while she took a dump on the side of a street under a tree..

It haunts me to this day...

[Non Sequitur]

In my time in Guatemala, I saw many well used boobie shots. It is natural to them nor is it an issue (Culturally)..

The one thing I vividly remember is the shot of a Pegamentor women hissing at me with her pants to her ankles while she took a dump on the side of a street under a tree..

It haunts me to this day...

In my mission we had a term called "The Latin Backhand". It was used to describe the grip used by men peeing in public to obscure their instruments from view. It was a very common sight.

[Slim]

Thought of a couple more.

Story #1
Before my wife and I got married we decided to go on a hike. We wanted to go to some hot springs we had heard about in Spanish Fork Canyon (I think that is where they were). Anyway, we didn't exactly know how to find them other than some instructions we got off the internet and when we were about as far as we thought we needed to be we heard some water and voices a little off the trail. We thought we must have reached the place so we headed toward the voices. We found two small pools each with a couple (man and woman) in them. By the time we realized that the people there were naked it was too late. They invited us over and we had a few moments of awkward conversation while they gave each other back rubs. Fortunately the dudes stayed in the pools so it was only an accidental boobie sighting and there were no sausage sightings that day. They let us know that the springs that most people hung out at were a few hundred yards further down the trail so we bid them a cordial farewell and headed off.


Story #2
I have walked in on my sister-in-law at least 4 different times in various states of undress. One of those times was completely topless and another time wearing nothing but a smile. The weirdest part is that it was usually while she was at my house. It wasn't like I was walking in to her room or anything. She is the type that doesn't really like to shut doors and is really open about ummm... this kind of thing. In fact I'm pretty sure that she only wears clothes so as not to make other people feel uncomfortable so I don't think she really cared. In fact I'm pretty sure both she and my wife think it is kind of funny that it keeps happening. Sisters are weird.