The Judge likes Hemingway, but . . .

[SeattleUte]

This order has gone viral:

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT

MIDDLE DISTRICT OF FLORIDA

TAMPA DIVISION

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

v. CASE NO.: 8:11-cr-269-T-23AEP

CRISTIE FAY BOTTORFF

JERRY ALAN BOTTORFF

LUIS ANGEL LOPEZ

ORDER

Jerry Alan Bottorff stands accused of murder-for-hire, conspiracy to commit murder-for-hire, and a firearm offense. For four months the parties have known with particularity when the trial begins – July 9, 2012; the parties requested the special setting. Nonetheless, Bottorff’s counsel asks (Doc. 127) to suspend the trial on Friday, July 20th:

Undersigned counsel, a perennial contestant in the Ernest Hemingway Look-alike Contest, is scheduled to appear as a semi-finalist at Sloppy Joe’s Bar in Key West, Florida at 6:30 P.M. on Friday, July 20, 2012.

In order to be able to be in Key West at the appointed hour, undersigned counsel has planned to depart St. Petersburg after the trial recesses on Thursday, July 19, 2012, and drive toward Key West[,] arriving on July 20, 2012.

Undersigned counsel has secured a block of six rooms to accommodate family, friends, and fans and has had to pay non-refundable deposits.

Between a murder-for-hire trial and an annual look-alike contest, surely Hemingway, a perfervid admirer of “grace under pressure,” would choose the trial. At his most robust, Hemingway exemplified the intrepid defense lawyer:

He works like hell, and through it. . . . He has the most profound bravery. . . . He has had pain[] and the kind of poverty that you don’t believe[;] he has had about eight times the normal allotment of responsibilities. And he has never once compromised. He has never turned off on an easier path than the one he staked himself. It takes courage.

Dorothy Parker, The Artist’s Reward, THE NEW YORKER, Nov. 30, 1929, at 28-30 (describing Hemingway). Perhaps a lawyer who evokes Hemingway can resist relaxing frolic in favor of solemn duty.

Or, at least, “Isn’t it pretty to think so?”

Best of luck to counsel in next year’s contest. The motion (Doc. 127) is DENIED.

ORDERED in Tampa, Florida, on June 22, 2012.

STEVEN D. MERRYDAY

UNITED STATES DISTRICT JUDGE

[PaloAltoCougar]

That was excellent. In the hope of augmenting, rather than threadjacking, SU's initial offering, this thread might be a good place to submit unusual or entertaining pleadings and judgments that we come across in our law practices. Think of it as the cross-sterilization of ideas, and perhaps we can submit the thread for CLE credit down the road.

In any case, an old fave is a portion of a brief that was circulated in my first firm's litigation department. The case was for slander and libel (and the motion to dismiss was granted).

As a First Affirmative Defense to Plaintiff's Third Cause of Action,
Defendant alleges as follows:

I. The word "asshole" is not a word of specific generic exactitude. The
word "asshole," when used to describe a physical portion of the human
body, is a void surrounded by the anal sphincter muscle. On the other
hand, when used as a characterization of an individual, the word
"asshole" denotes that the individual possesses some or all of the
following:

a. His acts or omissions do not conform generally to an accepted
pattern among members of a particular social group of which the
individual using the characterization is a member.

b. A person who by his conduct causes derision to be heaped upon
him by one or more other persons.

c. A person whose conduct has attained the degree of contemptibility
such that it defies characterization by any conventional language.

d. A person generally considered by his peers to conduct himself in
such a manner as displays a callous disregard for the feelings of other
human beings and thus deserving of being shunned and ostracized.

II. Defendant did not intend, nor were his remarks understood by
Plaintiff or any other person, to mean that the Plaintiff is in truth and in
fact a void surrounded by the anal sphincter muscle. On the other hand,
Defendant intended, and Plaintiff and others understood Defendant to
mean, that Plaintiff is indeed an "asshole" within the meaning of the
colloquialized characterization of an individual as described above.

III. In truth and in fact, Plaintiff is an "asshole."

[SeattleUte]

That is funny. Great idea for a thread.

[Joe Public]

Undersigned counsel, a perennial contestant in the Ernest Hemingway Look-alike Contest, is scheduled to appear as a semi-finalist at Sloppy Joe’s Bar in Key West, Florida

Wow.

In the hope of augmenting, rather than threadjacking, SU's initial offering, this thread might be a good place to submit unusual or entertaining pleadings and judgments that we come across in our law practices.

In that spirit:

Limerick Golf Club was sued by a patron who was attacked in the club's pub by an overserved, drunken fellow patron. The club tried to implead the attacker, but it was late in filing a third-party complaint. The court concluded:

Unfortunately for Limerick, their sub-par performance occurred in the pleading stage of this case and not on the golf course. Therefore:

With arguements hard to resist,
The movant correctly insists,
His joinder was tardy,
And so the third-party
Complaint is hereby dismissed.

An appropriate order follows.

[Donuthole]

Bump. Sometimes judges (and their law clerks) try waaaaaay too hard. . .

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/texas-judge-issues-double-entendre-filled-ruling-strip-151235719.html

[Pheidippides]

Bump. Sometimes judges (and their law clerks) try waaaaaay too hard. . .

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow...151235719.html

I'm with you on this one. Seemed like a bit much. Any recitation of crazy Texas decisions has to begin and end with Samuel Kent, formerly a district court judge in Galveston (if memory serves).