Would you trade a few fingers and some toes for some power tools?

[cougjunkie]

http://www.deseretnews.com/mobile/article/705363807/Suspected-burglars-may-lose-fingers-toes-after-hiding-in-Roosevelt-snowbank.html

[Shaka]

http://www.deseretnews.com/mobile/ar...-snowbank.html

I think there's the risk every time you fire up a power tool. However these guys didn't even get to that stage.

[Devildog]

Fits right in line with the concept...

Tools explained:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. It will also remove fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to think, "Oh crap".

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until they melt.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short to use in your remodeling job.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMN-IT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need to finish your current project.

[wuapinmon]

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

Ain't that the truth!

[Jarid in Cedar]

Tools explained:

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. It will also remove fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to think, "Oh crap".

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until they melt.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short to use in your remodeling job.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMN-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMN-IT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need to finish your current project.

[PaloAltoCougar]

The thread-opening article reminds me of a local story from a couple of months ago. Our friends own a large building that was being fixed up as a new 24 Hour Fitness SuperSport Club. On this and other properties, our friends had lost a lot of copper wiring due to theft, as there's apparently quite a market for such stuff. When workers came onto the job one morning awhile back, they noticed that a ladder had left some skid marks on the floor and had then collapsed. Looking up, they could see that a pair of wire cutters had apparently been "welded" to a large power line running along the ceiling. They called the cops who determined that someone had tried to steel the copper cable, but had been electrocuted in the process. They called the local emergency rooms and asked if they'd received any electrocution victims in the past 12 hours. Sho 'nuff, they found the perp, whose brain has been permanently impaired by his attempted theft.

These stories confirm a declaration with which my Criminal Law Prof, Woody Deem, began several of his lectures: "Criminallllllllllls are stuuuuupidddddddd!"

[hostile]

The thread-opening article reminds me of a local story from a couple of months ago. Our friends own a large building that was being fixed up as a new 24 Hour Fitness SuperSport Club. On this and other properties, our friends had lost a lot of copper wiring due to theft, as there's apparently quite a market for such stuff. When workers came onto the job one morning awhile back, they noticed that a ladder had left some skid marks on the floor and had then collapsed. Looking up, they could see that a pair of wire cutters had apparently been "welded" to a large power line running along the ceiling. They called the cops who determined that someone had tried to steel the copper cable, but had been electrocuted in the process. They called the local emergency rooms and asked if they'd received any electrocution victims in the past 12 hours. Sho 'nuff, they found the perp, whose brain has been permanently impaired by his attempted theft.

These stories confirm a declaration with which my Criminal Law Prof, Woody Deem, began several of his lectures: "Criminallllllllllls are stuuuuupidddddddd!"

I've got a couple of patients who were badly injured falling off telephone poles while attempting to steal copper wire, most likely for drug money.