Confessions of a Mormon Bishop

[Portland Ute]

I saw this blog post on my Facebook feed:

http://www.russhillmedia.com/2013/03...mormon-bishop/

Lots of interesting stuff.

As we all know, most Bishops give an insane amount of time to the church, free of charge. Well after the paid employees are home snugly in their beds.

They really do a yeoman's work. They spend the majority of their non-work hours in selfless service to their ward members. Sacrificing work, family and leisure time along the way.

It's an interesting insight into the hard life of a Mormon Bishop.

But, it also has a few interesting comments.

This one stood out to me:

I have learned that to deal with life’s pain we all choose one of the following: alcohol, drugs, pornography, or spirituality.

I have learned alcohol and drugs are the easiest path. As long as you’re willing to never stop drinking, smoking, or swallowing.

I have learned pornography is highly addictive and has nothing to do with sexual appetites and everything to do with escape. And that the habit is never overcome in isolation.

I think there are several ways that people deal with life's pain. Service. Exercise. Hobbies. Art. Etc.

[smokymountainrain]

I think there are several ways that people deal with life's pain. Service. Exercise. Hobbies. Art. Etc.

I agree. The problem with his comment, IMO, is that the people dealing with life's pain through service, exercise, wholesome hobbies, etc, are not coming to him. The people coming to him are those who have turned to alcohol, porn and spirituality and he's allowed himself to generalize based on his own specific experiences.

[Goatnapper'96]

This is one criticism of religion that I think is legitimate. So many religious teachings are about good vs evil that most religious folks adopt such a binary world view. That comment reflects that. Essentially people turn to Satans webs of self-gratification versus Christ's plan of finding yourself through service to others. I think there is truth that some people are such inclined, likely a disproportionate amount of those seeking help/counseling from a mormon Bishop I would think, but as you pointed out there world is not so black and white. Giving this fellow the benefit of the doubt I think others who more effectively deal with problems likely don't visit with him as frequently. My anecdotal conclusion are the majority of people who are well adjusted don't have such a cemented binary world view.

[jay santos]

I think there are several ways that people deal with life's pain. Service. Exercise. Hobbies. Art. Etc.

Posting on online forums.

[jay santos]

I have learned that to deal with life’s pain we all choose one of the following: alcohol, drugs, pornography, or spirituality.

I think there is a lot of truth to this. This has been one of my observations as well. I would add a lot more to the list. Overeating, oversleeping, procrastination, perfection, promiscuity, anger/violence, golf, scrapbooking, whatever. Most of the people I know well enough to what their back yard looks like in addition to their front yard. Their closets and drawers and not just the living room. Most everyone I know has some really messed up stuff in their life that they're dealing with. And most people deal with it at least at different times in their lives in ways that are not that healthy. I think the successful people in life medicate pain in a way that minimizes damages and consequences. This is not really a moral issue to me. I think a person who rages at their kids behind closed doors is just as "moral" as a girl with daddy issues sleeping around. This is why when we say we shouldn't judge others, I hope we really understand and believe why we can't judge others.

[Portland Ute]

I agree. The problem with his comment, IMO, is that the people dealing with life's pain through service, exercise, wholesome hobbies, etc, are not coming to him. The people coming to him are those who have turned to alcohol, porn and spirituality and he's allowed himself to generalize based on his own specific experiences.

To be clear, my criticism is aimed at the comment. NOT at this Bishop, who seems to be a very earnest, caring and self-less guy. I really do stand in awe of most bishops. As he said, he didn't go to school or ask to be a bishop. He was called on the phone, met in a small room, asked to do it and he quietly nodded.

That point being reiterated, let's get back to the concept behind his comment. I agree with you that the reason he holds this view is that the people who find peace and solace in service, exercise, hobbies, art, sports, etc. aren't coming in to see him.

I think his comment is not limited to him as a Bishop. I think a great many members hold a very similar, and as goat suggests, "binary" view of humanity.

Either you are in the Church and apply the salve of religion to your wounds or you are seeking out other more nefarious "ointments" to comfort your wounds.

I think this is also, without bad intentions, parlayed into the idea of "good, better, best." Inside Momondom, the "best" cure for what ails you is considered to be religion. But the point of that talk is that we shouldn't be doing "good" or "better" when "best" is available. I think that boxed people into a corner. One that might not be comfortable for everyone.

I've been fortunate in my life. To date, I haven't yet experienced any of the truly heartbreaking events in life: divorce, serious illness, death of a child or spouse, etc. The "pain" in my life is mostly related to less shocking events. That being said, religion is rarely the balm that makes me feel at ease. Often times, to the contrary.

I don't think people ought to be made to feel that religion is the only option when dealing with the thorns of life. There are other options than booze, drugs, illicit sex and porn. And most of those options, quite frankly, may be the "best" option for many individuals.

I don't think this binary world view is unique to Mormon bishops or Mormons.

I'm sure if you asked a sober musician, he/she might suggest that there are two ways to deal with the stress and pain of life: Art/music or drugs/alcohol.

[creekster]

. This is why when we say we shouldn't judge others, I hope we really understand and believe why we can't judge others.

This is wisdom. A bishop I worked with used to remind the PEC every week to be non-judgmental and loving becasue almost everyone, no matter what state their life is in, is doing the best they can with what they have.

[Y84it]

I think there is a lot of truth to this. This has been one of my observations as well. I would add a lot more to the list. Overeating, oversleeping, procrastination, perfection, promiscuity, anger/violence, golf, scrapbooking, whatever. Most of the people I know well enough to what their back yard looks like in addition to their front yard. Their closets and drawers and not just the living room. Most everyone I know has some really messed up stuff in their life that they're dealing with. And most people deal with it at least at different times in their lives in ways that are not that healthy. I think the successful people in life medicate pain in a way that minimizes damages and consequences. This is not really a moral issue to me. I think a person who rages at their kids behind closed doors is just as "moral" as a girl with daddy issues sleeping around. This is why when we say we shouldn't judge others, I hope we really understand and believe why we can't judge others.

Well said.

[Moliere]

This is wisdom. A bishop I worked with used to remind the PEC every week to be non-judgmental and loving becasue almost everyone, no matter what state their life is in, is doing the best they can with what they have.

My mantra to the boys I oversee is that God doesn't so much care for where you are right now, he cares more about where you are headed. They seem to like that or at least they seem to agree.

[jay santos]

I think a person who rages at their kids behind closed doors is just as "moral" as a girl with daddy issues sleeping around.

To put this a little stronger. Somewhere in the church, maybe at several locations, there will be a church court where the girl with daddy issues sleeping around is going to face the bishop who is raging at his kids behind doors and be humiliated and given a "sentence" for her sins, while the man who's a little more successful at medicating his pain but may be less honest about his sins is paraded around as the righteous one and moral example.

[byu71]

We each have our own experiences and our own way of dealing with things. I have had an issue with the seemingly generic way a lot of religions deal with I guess and with my own I am very familiar. Say your prayers, live the commandments, follow the leaders. Pain is relieved, unless of course you aren't doing these things earnestly enough.

Not saying that doesn't work, just didn't for me. As I look back and remember reading "positive attitude" books helped. They not only gave some clues as to why I was in the pain, but actual thoughts and actions I could take to get out of it. Like anything at times they were actually addicting and I got overly high on what I could do.

I may have told this story before, but one time I was riding so high on these books that when a poor guy asked for change on the street I told him to wait right there. I came back with the book Think and Grow Rich and told him to read it and it would change his life. I actually thought someday I would get a call from him telling me how he was the head of some corporation.

[The_Douger]

Do you guys think it's appropriate that he blogs about his experiences as bishiop even if he doesn't go in to specifics?

I'd just think some members might take offense about it. I don't, but I can think of people in my ward that would freak out about this. The article is blocked at work, so I can't read it.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Your thread title reminded me of this book, which sat on a table in my basement basically as far back as I can remember. Next time I'm at my mom's I'm going to see if she still has it and read it.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0877478740

[YOhio]

Your thread title reminded me of this book, which sat on a table in my basement basically as far back as I can remember. Next time I'm at my mom's I'm going to see if she still has it and read it.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0877478740

It reminds me of a late-night weekend show on Lifetime Movie Channel. Or Cinemax. Maybe LOGO TV if you want to take it in that direction.

[SteelBlue]

I think there is a lot of truth to this. This has been one of my observations as well. I would add a lot more to the list. Overeating, oversleeping, procrastination, perfection, promiscuity, anger/violence, golf, scrapbooking, whatever. Most of the people I know well enough to what their back yard looks like in addition to their front yard. Their closets and drawers and not just the living room. Most everyone I know has some really messed up stuff in their life that they're dealing with. And most people deal with it at least at different times in their lives in ways that are not that healthy. I think the successful people in life medicate pain in a way that minimizes damages and consequences. This is not really a moral issue to me. I think a person who rages at their kids behind closed doors is just as "moral" as a girl with daddy issues sleeping around. This is why when we say we shouldn't judge others, I hope we really understand and believe why we can't judge others.

That there's a hell of a post Jay.