New LDS Church Website: Mormons and Gays

[The_Tick]

13 months? What is the signficance of that time frame?

13 months until she turns 18. At that point...Church is up to her.

That is sad, Tick. Can't really blame her, but still sad.

Hang in there, amigo.

I am ambivalent. I love Church for the sense of community, and don't get hung up on where I think we are wrong. (The Church is absolutely handling LBGTQ teens in the wrong way. No doubt in my mind.)

But I am afraid that TW is done with the Church in 13 months also because of all of this.

I'm curious to how things will be in Utah County as opposed to California. She may actually find a large support group of gay LDS kids who can relate.

It will be interesting. UVU is going to be a great experience for her. She has a bunch of folks getting after her because she isn't trying to go to BYU like her sister. They can't understand why a gay kid doesn't want to sign the Honor Code.

I'm sorry to hear this. I know she comes from a loving family, however, and that will make all the difference to her as she goes forward.

Thanks Creek. She is a good kid. She has been dealt an interesting lot in life, but one that I believe she is emotionally equipped to handle. She really is a great kid.

In case anyone is interested in learning more about her form a homosexuality, look up "pansexual" on the interwebs. It has definitely been an interesting learning curve.

[smokymountainrain]

Tick, just curious. How has her older sister handled her being gay and has the older sister known about it for a while?

[The_Tick]

Tick, just curious. How has her older sister handled her being gay and has the older sister known about it for a while?

Like a champ. Here is the thing...(speaking from a California perspective) 25 year old and under have no issues with any of this. They don't see being gay as a choice. They see it for what it is. It is how you are/how you were born. That simple. People that are hung up on it are >26 years in age.

She loves her sister and supports her in whatever life has planned for her.

We all kinda "knew" around the same age. She confirmed it about a month before we did through an instagram account that we didn't know about. (TK2 had a "burner" account that TW and I thought was real but wasn't.)

[smokymountainrain]

Like a champ. Here is the thing...(speaking from a California perspective) 25 year old and under have no issues with any of this. They don't see being gay as a choice. They see it for what it is. It is how you are/how you were born. That simple. People that are hung up on it are >26 years in age.

She loves her sister and supports her in whatever life has planned for her.

We all kinda "knew" around the same age. She confirmed it about a month before we did through an instagram account that we didn't know about. (TK2 had a "burner" account that TW and I thought was real but wasn't.)

Good for her. I assumed that would probably be the case, not just due to age, but because your kids were raised right.

[Northwestcoug]

Like a champ. Here is the thing...(speaking from a California perspective) 25 year old and under have no issues with any of this. They don't see being gay as a choice. They see it for what it is. It is how you are/how you were born. That simple. People that are hung up on it are >26 years in age.
She loves her sister and supports her in whatever life has planned for her.

We all kinda "knew" around the same age. She confirmed it about a month before we did through an instagram account that we didn't know about. (TK2 had a "burner" account that TW and I thought was real but wasn't.)

If the church ever changes its stance, this will be the reason.

[Green Monstah]

If this is too personal, I won't be offended if you ignore me, but I find UVU an interesting choice for a person in her shoes. Did she choose UVU so she could be away from home, but close to family (TK1)? She obviously a brave woman, so did she choose the heart of Mormonism to simply prove it to herself that it can be done, or do you think she chose a place where she has the leeway to be her authentic self, but still feel connected to her Mormon roots? I said it before, she has a ton of courage. When I was in high school, there is no way I could have mustered the bravery it took for her to come out in such a public way.

[MarkGrace]

If this is too personal, I won't be offended if you ignore me, but I find UVU an interesting choice for a person in her shoes. Did she choose UVU so she could be away from home, but close to family (TK1)? She obviously a brave woman, so did she choose the heart of Mormonism to simply prove it to herself that it can be done, or do you think she chose a place where she has the leeway to be her authentic self, but still feel connected to her Mormon roots? I said it before, she has a ton of courage. When I was in high school, there is no way I could have mustered the bravery it took for her to come out in such a public way.

She chose UVU to prove to her sister that she could attend there and still remain a Ute fan. Same reason most Ute fans choose to go elsewhere.

[cougjunkie]

Tick I am sorry your family has to go through this.

[byu71]

As a parent of a gay child (others on here have siblings or family members that are gay) I can tell you the following:

1. Having a gay child is easy.
2. Having a gay child in the LDS Church is not easy.
3. Watching passive/aggressive LDS folks talk about loving everyone...but not treating everyone nice is difficult.

My kid doesn't feel welcome. That is what bothers me.

I feel welcome and loved...but confused when some people tell me "I wish your family didn't have to go through this."

I don't have any answers, but I know my kid is done with the LDS church in 13 months. Makes me sad.

I am glad for your daughter knowing the kind of person you are. You will be there to support her in her choices and she will know she is loved by the most important people in her life.

Those who can't bring themselves to be kind are going to have some serious surprises down the road, IMHO.

[smokymountainrain]

Tick I am sorry your family has to go through this.

[ERCougar]

I've gotten to be friends with one of the moderators of the MoSto Facebook group (who actually tend to be pretty positive towards the church, I think as part of an effort to be a more welcoming voice to members). She grew up not far from me and we graduated a year apart. Typical Mormon family, very active, husband in the high council, etc. A short time ago, her high school aged son came out to her family. It was a complete shock to everyone. She rallied around her son, who is now happier than he's ever been. Biggest challenge for him and the family--the church.

Someone made a comment a while ago in response to one of these "it's not the church's fault these kids are suicidal" arguments that a church should be a place of refuge, of love, of support, not a place that requires "extraordinary courage" to endure. No, the church has not figured this issue out and I'm afraid that it has exactly the wrong segment of its membership charged with doing so.

I'm glad you chose to rally around your daughter. Families like yours are going to change things.

[The_Tick]

If this is too personal, I won't be offended if you ignore me, but I find UVU an interesting choice for a person in her shoes. Did she choose UVU so she could be away from home, but close to family (TK1)? She obviously a brave woman, so did she choose the heart of Mormonism to simply prove it to herself that it can be done, or do you think she chose a place where she has the leeway to be her authentic self, but still feel connected to her Mormon roots? I said it before, she has a ton of courage. When I was in high school, there is no way I could have mustered the bravery it took for her to come out in such a public way.

She grew up wanting to go to BYU. Then she found out she can be kicked out for having a girlfriend, even keeping the law of chastity, and she told us that she wasn't willing to sign the HC because she doesn't feel like BYU has the right to tell her she can't be who she is. I was sad because I have always wished to have both of my children attend there. (I didn't have the grades nor means to go. I am 100% living vicariously.)

But my kids have grown up loving Utah. They love the mountains, they love the seasons...they love BYU athletics. So she started shopping around for schools and she narrowed it down to UVU, SUU (Solon approved!) or Fresno State. She leans towards Utah because she wants to get away. (Truthfully...she misses her sister and wants to be closer to be with her niece.)

UVU was awesome to visit. The school was pretty fantastic and I was blown away. I was even more shocked in the amount of outreach they have for kids in the same situation as my daughter. I couldn't be happier if she ends up there.

TK2 is in a difficult situation though. For those that haven't googled yet....Pansexual is similar to bi-sexaul, but different. Bi-sexual people are interested in both genders but have a "natural pull" to one gender. Pansexual individuals have no "natural pull" to either gender. No affinity either way. In reality they are more attracted to personality than anything else. I could have daughter in law out of this, or I could have a son in law out of this. I wont know until she knows.

I love the gospel. I really do. Like "all worthy males"...we will be looking at a letter coming from SLC in 10-15 years telling us how they got this one wrong.

I can wait.

[The_Tick]

Tick I am sorry your family has to go through this.

Thanks for reaching out.

[PaloAltoCougar]

She grew up wanting to go to BYU. Then she found out she can be kicked out for having a girlfriend, even keeping the law of chastity, and she told us that she wasn't willing to sign the HC because she doesn't feel like BYU has the right to tell her she can't be who she is. I was sad because I have always wished to have both of my children attend there. (I didn't have the grades nor means to go. I am 100% living vicariously.)

But my kids have grown up loving Utah. They love the mountains, they love the seasons...they love BYU athletics. So she started shopping around for schools and she narrowed it down to UVU, SUU (Solon approved!) or Fresno State. She leans towards Utah because she wants to get away. (Truthfully...she misses her sister and wants to be closer to be with her niece.)

UVU was awesome to visit. The school was pretty fantastic and I was blown away. I was even more shocked in the amount of outreach they have for kids in the same situation as my daughter. I couldn't be happier if she ends up there.

TK2 is in a difficult situation though. For those that haven't googled yet....Pansexual is similar to bi-sexaul, but different. Bi-sexual people are interested in both genders but have a "natural pull" to one gender. Pansexual individuals have no "natural pull" to either gender. No affinity either way. In reality they are more attracted to personality than anything else. I could have daughter in law out of this, or I could have a son in law out of this. I wont know until she knows.

I love the gospel. I really do. Like "all worthy males"...we will be looking at a letter coming from SLC in 10-15 years telling us how they got this one wrong.

I can wait.

First, congrats on having a loving and supportive relationship with a great kid. No doubt you're a major reason she's great. Perhaps surprisingly, I hadn't heard of "pansexual" until I read your daughter's post, and I'm curious if that orientation is cast in stone or if, given her relatively young age, she (and other pansexuals) might gravitate to one "team" or the other as they mature further, or at least develop the "pull" you described. A friend from grade school (he's now 62) said he wasn't certain of his orientation until he was around 22. While I've pretty much always been in the camp of "orientation is not a choice," I'm wondering if such orientation isn't fully defined at birth but develops during one's formative years.

[Solon]

She grew up wanting to go to BYU. Then she found out she can be kicked out for having a girlfriend, even keeping the law of chastity, and she told us that she wasn't willing to sign the HC because she doesn't feel like BYU has the right to tell her she can't be who she is. I was sad because I have always wished to have both of my children attend there. (I didn't have the grades nor means to go. I am 100% living vicariously.)

But my kids have grown up loving Utah. They love the mountains, they love the seasons...they love BYU athletics. So she started shopping around for schools and she narrowed it down to UVU, SUU (Solon approved!) or Fresno State. She leans towards Utah because she wants to get away. (Truthfully...she misses her sister and wants to be closer to be with her niece.)

UVU was awesome to visit. The school was pretty fantastic and I was blown away. I was even more shocked in the amount of outreach they have for kids in the same situation as my daughter. I couldn't be happier if she ends up there.

TK2 is in a difficult situation though. For those that haven't googled yet....Pansexual is similar to bi-sexaul, but different. Bi-sexual people are interested in both genders but have a "natural pull" to one gender. Pansexual individuals have no "natural pull" to either gender. No affinity either way. In reality they are more attracted to personality than anything else. I could have daughter in law out of this, or I could have a son in law out of this. I wont know until she knows.

I love the gospel. I really do. Like "all worthy males"...we will be looking at a letter coming from SLC in 10-15 years telling us how they got this one wrong.

I can wait.

I can't believe we lost out to UVU. Sheesh. Let me know if you want to see some graduation-rates.
This seems like another example where the institution doesn't deserve its members. Like you said, my experience is that this is a non-issue for anyone <25.
I'll bet your daughter has a great experience wherever she goes. Good parenting, Tick.