Young widows and the plan of happiness

[Fiyero]

I attended a wedding yesterday and spent 20-30 minutes talking to a 28 year old mother of two whose husband was killed in traffic three years ago. Afterwards, three mutual friends said I should go out with her. That got me thinking:

I'm not sealed to anyone. She is sealed to her husband. Therefore she can't be sealed again. So if I were to marry her, it could only be done civilly, and therefore would I be shooting myself in the eternal foot?

Does the all-loving and all-just creator lump young widows into the same group as gay and lesbians, in the sense that they are essentially told to live the rest of their mortal lives without love and companionship? Just deal with it, chick? We are taught that it is not good for man to be alone, and that family life is the pinnacle of joy. It seems really selfish - and really stupid - for an unsealed person like myself to not even look at her as an option.

Are young widows told to find a young widower, and have a nice mortality together, and in the next world they'll go back to their original spouses?

[RobinFinderson]

If you would let the possibility that this piece of fuzzy doctrine might keep you from having an eternal companion keep you from pursuing someone who might be a lovely and amazing life partner who would bring you love, tenderness and companionship into your old age, then you deserve your loneliness.

[marsupial]

If you would let the possibility that this piece of fuzzy doctrine might keep you from having an eternal companion keep you from pursuing someone who might be a lovely and amazing life partner who would bring you love, tenderness and companionship into your old age, then you deserve your loneliness.

Wow. That's harsh.

Fiyero, I have wondered the same thing. It is quite uneven that men can be sealed to multiple women but women cannot be sealed to multiple men. While I have no interest in having multiple husbands on earth or in heaven, it bugs me as it is yet another example of women's second-class status in the church.

I do agree with Findy though that if you dig on her, you shouldn't let her dead husband keep you from asking her out.

[wuapinmon]

I wish they would just seal people and let it all get worked out in the eternities. Otherwise, a lot of young widows get passed over by people with worries like Fiyero. And that is so unnecessary. Life is for living.

[UtahDan]

I do agree with Findy though that if you dig on her, you shouldn't let her dead husband keep you from asking her out.

I agree. We know so little of the world to come. It is awfully important to be happy now. We each just get one life.

[Surfah]

Me and Gidget discussed this if I were to pass early. She said she'd just cancel our sealing and get sealed to her new husband. I am still trying to figure out how I feel about that one.

[Teenage Dirtbag]

Thoughts and prayers to the young widow. So, uh, is she hot?

[Fiyero]

I felt awkward when being urged to ask her out because I knew her husband. That's why we were both at this wedding: mutual friends. I only knew her through her husband. I didn't know him well- I knew his sister well- but it still feels like I would be moving in on his territory. I guess it shouldn't but it does. Use the example Surfah gave: suppose Surfah and I knew each other in real life, and he gets carried off in a twister, and I start spending time with Gidg. Weird.

And that brings me back to my point: so not only do young widows have the taboo of having to find someone who won't mind not being sealed, but it also probably rules out everyone she knew before her husband died.

Yet suppose we marry anyway; what do I say when we die and she goes back to him? "Hey thanks for 50 great years, see ya around."

To quote my nephew: that's retarded.

[Babs]

I take it things didn't work out with Carrie?

[venkman]

I attended a wedding yesterday and spent 20-30 minutes talking to a 28 year old mother of two whose husband was killed in traffic three years ago. Afterwards, three mutual friends said I should go out with her. That got me thinking:

I'm not sealed to anyone. She is sealed to her husband. Therefore she can't be sealed again. So if I were to marry her, it could only be done civilly, and therefore would I be shooting myself in the eternal foot?

Does the all-loving and all-just creator lump young widows into the same group as gay and lesbians, in the sense that they are essentially told to live the rest of their mortal lives without love and companionship? Just deal with it, chick? We are taught that it is not good for man to be alone, and that family life is the pinnacle of joy. It seems really selfish - and really stupid - for an unsealed person like myself to not even look at her as an option.

Are young widows told to find a young widower, and have a nice mortality together, and in the next world they'll go back to their original spouses?

My brother married a lady who was in the exact same situation, widowed with a couple of kids. It has worked out great for him, her, and the kids.

In answer to your questions, I'd say: no, no, and no.

Personally, I'd find a widow more appealing than a divorcee. As for the sealing thing, that'll all work itself out.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I have always told my wife that if I die I want her to grieve for a bit, but then move on, find another guy, and live a full and happy life.

[I.J. Reilly]

I wish they would just seal people and let it all get worked out in the eternities. Otherwise, a lot of young widows get passed over by people with worries like Fiyero. And that is so unnecessary. Life is for living.

I echo this sentiment. Since there is no official doctrine on it and no one has a firm grasp on how things will go in the eternities I say let them seal away and then figure it out later. No one should have to suffer a life of loneliness because we don't know what will happen in the hereafter.

[Surfah]

I felt awkward when being urged to ask her out because I knew her husband. That's why we were both at this wedding: mutual friends. I only knew her through her husband. I didn't know him well- I knew his sister well- but it still feels like I would be moving in on his territory. I guess it shouldn't but it does. Use the example Surfah gave: suppose Surfah and I knew each other in real life, and he gets carried off in a twister, and I start spending time with Gidg. Weird.

And that brings me back to my point: so not only do young widows have the taboo of having to find someone who won't mind not being sealed, but it also probably rules out everyone she knew before her husband died.

Yet suppose we marry anyway; what do I say when we die and she goes back to him? "Hey thanks for 50 great years, see ya around."

To quote my nephew: that's retarded.

Yeah I'd be waiting to kick your ass on the other side of the veil.

Seriously though, before I met Gidget I used to regret not pursuing a relationship with this sister from my mission. I'd say we were even in love with each other, but I was too concerned about having "unlocked my heart" that I essentially ended anything before it even really started. Thank heavens I met Gidget or else I'd still be kicking myself for possibly missing out on something great. So I am firmly in the camp that you should try and find someone that will make you happy and feel fulfilled and let everything else sort itself out.

To be honest in this type of situation I'd be less concerned about the eternal ramifications than dealing with the potential awkwardness of the situation. An example, my buddy's sister married a widower who lost his wife tragically shortly after they married. Though they never had any kids before she passed, he still remains very close with her family. To the point where it's become an issue.

[UtahDan]

To be honest in this type of situation I'd be less concerned about the eternal ramifications than dealing with the potential awkwardness of the situation. An example, my buddy's sister married a widower who lost his wife tragically shortly after they married. Though they never had any kids before she passed, he still remains very close with her family. To the point where it's become an issue.

I don't have a lot of experience here, but it seems like the family of the deceased spouse would just be baggage the widow/er comes with. If God forbid anything ever happened to either of my brothers, not only would that not change the fact that my SILs are sisters to me, it would almost certainly heighten that feeling. I wouldn't ever want to be an impediment to their happiness, but I would feel that I owed it to my brother to see that she was okay and offer any kind of support at my disposal.

If that were the context, it would be very hard to assimilate a new spouse, but as long as it were someone who was good to her, it could be done. It almost seems like it would be easier for the new spouse to accept that relationship if their are children, as that gives an obvious reason for the need to continue it. Absent children, it is easy to see how that gets taken personally by new spouse. That would be a tough one.

[Tex]

There are many difficult who-spends-eternity-with-whom questions arising out of the sealing ceremonies. There was a question on this board a few weeks ago about an adult child who wanted to sever the sealing to a parent with whom they were disgusted. This is another of that type.

I think it's safe to say we have very little conception of what eternal, celestial glory is like. We just don't know. What we do know is that God will arrange the afterlife in a way that is infinitely just and merciful to all his children. No one will be denied blessings due to circumstances beyond their control.

However, in mortality we have to have a policy of some kind. We can't be as infinitely just as God because we aren't him, but we do our best. That means allowing/disallowing some things that seem unfair in time, but we have faith God will make things right in eternity.

Bottom line: I certainly would not advise a young widow against re-marriage simply because of the potential complexities of the ensuing eternal relationships. I'd say the same thing to a potential 2nd husband. Do what you feel is right, seek the Spirit, and leave the rest to God.

PS. I disagree strongly with the idea that this policy casts women as a 2nd class. That kind of comment belies a more fundamental problem with a male-only priesthood, rather than just a complaint about a (perceived) unfair sealing policy.