Utah Census Form

[LA Ute]

My wife got this in an e-mail:

Utah Census Form

1. _____________________ (Given name)

2. _____________________ (SURNAME)


3. Descendant of:

A. Brigham Young _____

B. Heber C. Kimball _____

C. Laman and Lemuel _____

D. Cain _____


4. Tribe of Israel : _____________________


5. Number of occupants residing in home in each category: (Listed in
Chronological order)

A. Nursery _____

B. Junior Primary _____

C. Senior Primary _____

D. Young Women _____

E. Young Men _____

F. Relief Society _____

G. Elder _____

H. Dearly Departed _____

I. High Priest _____


6. Occupation [Please select all that apply.]:

A. Amway dealer _____

B. Shaklee dealer _____

C. Nonie juice dealer _____

D. NuSkin dealer _____

E. Melaleuca dealer _____


7. Automobile:

A. Station Wagon _____

B. Van _____

C. Suburban _____

D. School Bus _____

E. Double Decker _____

F. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon) ________


8. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:

A. Chuck-A-Rama _____

B. Hometown Buffet _____

C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____


9. Favorite Hero:

A. Nephi _____

B. Abinadi _____

C. Samuel the Lamanite_____

D.. Steve Young _____

E. Johnny Lingo _____


10. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply]:

A. Scriptures _____

B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____

C. Pen/Pencil _____

D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____

E. Tic Tacs _____

F. Game Boy _____

G. Big Gulp _____

H. Cooler _____

I. iPod _____

J. iPhone _____

K. BlackBerry _____

K. All of the above _____


11. Do you prepare your church lessons:

A. A month in advance _____

B. A week in advance _____

C. While in the bathtub _____

D. While on the toilet _____

E. During Sacrament Meeting _____

F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting

G. During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching _____

H. Just wing it [according to the promptings of the Spirit] _____


12. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp

Holders?: yes___ no ___


13. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:

A. 10-20 years _____

B. 20-30 years _____

C. 30-40 years _____

D. Over 3 generations _____


14. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high Council talk:

A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____

B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____

C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____


15. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:

A. 31st ______

B. 31st ______

C. 31st ______

D. 31st ______


16. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:

A. 1-10 _____

B. 10-20 _____

C. 20-30 _____

D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____


17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Everybody Loves Raymond?"


18. How many times a year do you make:

A. Green Jell-O salad _____

B. Funeral potatoes _____

C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____

D. Turkey , cashews and grape-stuffed croissants_____


19. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:

A. 1-2 thousand _____

B. 2-3 thousand _____

C. 3-4 thousand _____

D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____


20. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:

A. Alcatraz

B. Fort Knox

C. Ward Libraries


21. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: _________

22. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:

A. Chocolate:___pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____


B. Cola: ____gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____


23. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?

A. Second Coming _____

B. Football game _____


AMEN

[Soccermom]

That is pretty funny. With regard to #13, many people in our ward apparently have pews that are just for them. We found this out last Sunday when we were actually on time for sacrament meeting and sat in a pew that was empty only to get glaring looks from a family that arrived a few minutes later. Apparently, it is just known to everyone where certain families sit.

I have a new goal now. Be on time to church every week and sit in a different family's pew each time.

[LA Ute]

My fave was the one about ward libraries. We all know that is true in many wards.

[myboynoah]

LOL. Stupid Utahns.

[il Padrino Ute]

LOL. Stupid Utahns.

Just because you lived in gay pairee doesn't mean you're not still a Utahn.

[Jeff Lebowski]

21. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: _________

Now that's just silly. You hire the mechanical engineers for that.

[myboynoah]

Just because you lived in gay pairee doesn't mean you're not still a Utahn.

LOL. Stupid Mormons.

[NorthShoreCoug]

That is pretty funny. With regard to #13, many people in our ward apparently have pews that are just for them. We found this out last Sunday when we were actually on time for sacrament meeting and sat in a pew that was empty only to get glaring looks from a family that arrived a few minutes later. Apparently, it is just known to everyone where certain families sit.

I have a new goal now. Be on time to church every week and sit in a different family's pew each time.

You sound like me and my family. In the past five years, I doubt we've been on time more than 10 times. Although I'm not always the most on-time person, my wife is the primary culprit. But we were on time this past Sunday. The motivation for her? Exactly that. To take the Pratt's pews. We then scouted out next week's unsuspecting victim...

[NorthShoreCoug]

My wife got this in an e-mail:

Utah Census Form

...

17. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:

A. Arguing about getting along

B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner

C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Everybody Loves Raymond?"

...

AMEN

I actually did LOL at this one. We had lesson "A" just a few weeks ago. I wouldn't classify it as very effective, though. Each kid blamed the other for causing the contention in our home. My wife tried to salvage the rapidly deteriorating lesson after I raised my voice at them. Oh well. We just went swimming together for this week's FHE. Much more harmony that way.