Your most poignant moment in life

[clackamascoug]

I don't remember the exact day, I don't care to. I'll never forget how it changed me and how I felt, though. Some anonymous warm spring day in March 2008, I drove home from work like always. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. I pulled in the house dreading mowing the lawn, I walked upstairs and my wife told me to leave or she'd call the police. Shell shocked, I drove to my parents' house, wondering what the fuck had happened. That 30 minute drive was the longest I have ever taken. Over the next few days, as I wondered how my life had gotten to that point, I determined that I wouldn't stop asking why until I was satisfied with the answers.

300 more pages and you have a great book. - (I need more.)

[lambdacoug]

300 more pages and you have a great book. - (I need more.)

I'll get right on that...

[CardiacCoug]

I don't remember the exact day, I don't care to. I'll never forget how it changed me and how I felt, though. Some anonymous warm spring day in March 2008, I drove home from work like always. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. I pulled in the house dreading mowing the lawn, I walked upstairs and my wife told me to leave or she'd call the police. Shell shocked, I drove to my parents' house, wondering what the fuck had happened. That 30 minute drive was the longest I have ever taken. Over the next few days, as I wondered how my life had gotten to that point, I determined that I wouldn't stop asking why until I was satisfied with the answers.

What would she have told the police?

You should have done what Walter White did in that situation -- the police came and said there was nothing they could do. No criminal activity.

[Topper]

What would she have told the police?

You should have done what Walter White did in that situation -- the police came and said there was nothing they could do. No criminal activity.

Rule Number 1 for man or woman, if your spouse demands you leave the house, and there is or has been no prior history of domestic violence, DON'T LEAVE until it is decided by the court.

[lambdacoug]

What would she have told the police?

You should have done what Walter White did in that situation -- the police came and said there was nothing they could do. No criminal activity.

It was along the lines of "I want to leave and if you don't, I'll call the police". I think she added that just for emphasis. Anyway, my attorney told me that I should not have left, but at that point, the advice was a week or two too late. I wasn't really thinking very clearly, it isn't everyday that you go from normal to separation in one sentence.

[lambdacoug]

Rule Number 1 for man or woman, if your spouse demands you leave the house, and there is or has been no prior history of domestic violence, DON'T LEAVE until it is decided by the court.

There wasn't, but she did threaten to claim that... I really, really like my ex, she's a fantastic human being in every regard...

Anyway, no more from me on this, it isn't something I want to dwell on, but it is the most poignant experience in my life.

[Topper]

There wasn't, but she did threaten to claim that... I really, really like my ex, she's a fantastic human being in every regard...

Anyway, no more from me on this, it isn't something I want to dwell on, but it is the most poignant experience in my life.

Thank you for sharing. My moment of figuring out it was over was not so stark, but rather more like the boiling that frogs are allowed to boil. Suddenly you smell the aroma of cooked Topper and wonder how that happened. As a result, you jump out of the boiling water and notice, "wow, how did that happen."

Hearing stories of the tragic realization that divorce is upon is very startling, especially if you are not the initiator. May you be in a better place now.

[Uncle Ted]

I don't remember the exact day, I don't care to. I'll never forget how it changed me and how I felt, though. Some anonymous warm spring day in March 2008, I drove home from work like always. Nothing special or out of the ordinary. I pulled in the house dreading mowing the lawn, I walked upstairs and my wife told me to leave or she'd call the police. Shell shocked, I drove to my parents' house, wondering what the fuck had happened. That 30 minute drive was the longest I have ever taken. Over the next few days, as I wondered how my life had gotten to that point, I determined that I wouldn't stop asking why until I was satisfied with the answers.

I go back and forth between when I found out that my wife (now ex-wife) was being unfaithful to me and when my father was rushed in for emergency surgery at the hospital. The first was ended in a slow march to divorce. The second, my father died shortly after due to complications. Both caught me off guard and literally knock me off my feet. I don't remember the exact date for the first but the second was on christmas day during my freshman year at college. Christmas makes me think of that event every year.

Rule Number 1 for man or woman, if your spouse demands you leave the house, and there is or has been no prior history of domestic violence, DON'T LEAVE until it is decided by the court.

I wished someone had told me that before my divorce but it all worked out for me in the end. I got what was important to me (my kids). She got what she thought was important to her (the house and other materialistic things, which she no longer has because of her financial mismanagement and bankruptcy.)

[Topper]

I wished someone had told me that before my divorce but it all worked out for me in the end. I got what was important to me (my kids). She got what she thought was important to her (the house and other materialistic things, which she no longer has because of her financial mismanagement and bankruptcy.)

You did better than I.

She got the house and the kids, while I got the debt. But at least the debt is NOT growing.

[arizonaute]

Your fetus is not living. We need to get it out of your stomach.

The look on my wife's face is something I did not ever want to see again. Yet I did. It sucked both times.

Paid for and went through potosum( however you spell it), pushing, and delivering a dead fetus.

Didn't even want to look at it. Didn't want to make a connection and with each subsequent kid I do not even get worked up about it until I see it breathing.

[Portland Ute]

This thread has caused me to reflect.

After some reflection, I realize I have lived a fairly comfortable life, free from emotional trauma.

But in the last week I did experience a poignant moment and I will share it.

The family dog is dying. He is 10 years old. My son turns 10 in December.

I felt like I've had a hard time relating to my son last year or so. I have felt a bit of a disconnect. It embarrasses me and it worries me.

He hasn't seemed too upset about the dog, but contemplative.

I walked out into the garage the other night to get a drink out of the "drink fridge" and found him sobbing.

Heaving sobs. Heartbreaking to see.

He had slipped out after playing with the dog a bit because the emotion hit him and he didn't want anyone to see.

For the first time in a while, I got a real strong bear hug from him. And he buried his cute face into my stomach and just sobbed while I rubbed his head and told him it was okay to cry. I got to tell him it was okay to feel sad and not be embarrassed. He squeezed as hard as he could...as if squeezing me would make it better.

Through the tears in his eyes he asked why we can't just give him a "cure." His words not mine. I told him there is no cure. No fix.

"What if we can get him to start eating better?" "What if I take extra good care of him?"

My reply: "Buddy...nothing can be done. Just enjoy the last bit of time you have him and be glad you grew up with such a nice dog. Give him hugs. Let him give you "kisses. Feed him some treats. Scratch his ears."

We talked a bit about this being tough but easier than if it was a family member or friend.

For so many reasons, it was a poignant moment. My son and I connected in a way that had been missing. I felt utterly powerless to do anything to fix the situation and I had to tell him he was also powerless to fix it. I got the chance to show him I love him. We got to talk a bit about life and death.

Then, I wiped away his tears, rubbed his hair, asked him if he was ready to go back inside, opened his can of pop and it was over.

Reading now what I have written seems hollow after that moment we shared. It betrays just how touching it was for me.

[Topper]

This thread has caused me to reflect.

...

Reading now what I have written seems hollow after that moment we shared. It betrays just how touching it was for me.

Thanks for sharing. Losing a pet is as near as losing a human family member as we can have on a more frequent basis. The pain of loss together with you being unable of "making it better" is something I can empathize with.

[clackamascoug]

This thread has caused me to reflect.

After some reflection, I realize I have lived a fairly comfortable life, free from emotional trauma.

Reading now what I have written seems hollow after that moment we shared. It betrays just how touching it was for me.

Just writing it for yourself - helps cement it to your soul. In time, you'll find this excellent thread again, and will have that memory waiting for like an old friend.

btw... I enjoyed reading it, and it conjured up good memories of my Scottish Terrier "Duffy" from when I was a kid. - Thanks.

[dabrockster]

When I first saw this thread I wasn’t sure if I was going to post in it but speaking of these things is very therapeutic for me. I have two to share but there is 2 moments within each..

1st Moment:

It is the loss of innocence and the sudden impact to grow up and face what you considered to be the coolest kid in your school at the ripe age of 12.. It was April 7th 1989. A young boy is bored after school and decides to head off to a friend’s house. He knew his buddies would be there and he may not have been invited but he wanted to hang out. Your mother had told you earlier you were not allowed to go there anymore but you thought she would never find out and you’d be home before she got home from work. So you left on your older brother’s bike and headed down the road to the kid’s house. You pull up to the house not knowing your life was about to change forever.

You knock on the door and you hear the kids behind the door. It takes them forever (In your mind) to even answer the door. As you wait you hear what seemed like the loudest firecracker you had ever heard in your life (And it causes you to literally jump due to how startled you are from it). And quickly thereafter you begin to hear the screams and terror on the other side of the door (Saying You shot him. You killed him!!). They are screaming the name of someone you hold dear to you. It is your best friend from school and church that you have grown up with all of your life since nursery.. As you hear the screams and shouting, you come to the realization that your friend has been shot in the head. You begin to pound on the door and shout to let you in over and over. You do not know if they are playing a cruel joke to get rid of you or if it is real. But you keep pounding on the door and shouting in anger to be let in. Then it goes silent and you stand there waiting and still yelling to be let in. Wanting to know what’s going on (Wanting to take him in your arms and speak to him and let him know everything is going to be OK). One of the kids comes to a side window finally and speaks to you and tells you to go home and that all is well but no one is allowed in the house. But you don’t believe him, but you do as you are told in the state of shock that you are in. As you ride your bike away you begin to hear the sirens of the ambulance and you come to the knowledge that it was not a cruel joke but your closest friend is more than likely dead (He passed away 2 days later).

Part2:

As you go home you inform your oldest brother what happened (After he scolds you for riding his bike without permission). He then holds you as you sob for what seemed like hours. He calls Mom and Dad and they quickly come home. They call the Police to inform them of what they know. The investigator’s come to your house that evening and questions you on what took place. You are told that the other boys did not provide the same story but lied and said your friend shot himself playing a game of Russian roulette. You agree to testify for the state at that time against the coolest kids in school and are told to remain silent and never speak of the event at school or to anyone. So you go back to school and you remain silent all the while the other kids demonize you and spread rumors and falsehoods about your closest friend. Then comes the sobering moment you testify in court and you tell the story in front of the kid who in fact shot your best friend. You look him dead in the eye and point at him when you are asked who shot your friend. You then are cross-examined by his attorney and are scared to death on how he is going to be mean to you (As told by the state attorney’s). But you persevere and make it through and feel some little peace in knowing you told the truth. Not for yourself but for your dear friend and hope that he is looking down upon you with pride for what you did for him. This is your hope and little bit of peace..

However, your life is forever changed. You blame yourself for the death of your friend. Many including his Mom tell you to not blame yourself and it wasn’t your fault. That kid chose to pull out his father’s gun not you. That you honored him by standing up and telling the truth when he was not able to do it himself. But the reality is that he meant to scare you with the gun. He meant to open that door and swing that gun at you in some horrible joke that he thought was funny. But he didn’t get to do that. Instead he shot your friend. But it is hard to shake the fact that your decision set in motion the loss of someone’s life, your closest friend’s life. It is something that you think about daily. You name your son after him in honor of him.. That is how it has impacted you. So you will never forget and will be able to show him you have not forgotten and you will forever honor him. It changes you in many ways. Ways that you may never even know…

2nd Moment:

Your father just went into have a biopsy on his brain. You have had a sick feeling all day but you are not sure why. You are concerned by the procedure of someone drilling into your father’s brain and the seriousness of it. But your father acts like all is fine and it is no big deal. So you just pray all will be well. You ask your Mom to keep you updated who had gone to the hospital with him.

Later that day , your Mom calls you sobbing to let you know that Dad was in Cardiac arrest and they are trying to revive him. His brain is hemorrhaging and they are not sure he is going to make it. And that she has been told to gather the family at the hospital. She quickly hangs up and refuses to answer the phone thereafter. You call your older brother (Same one from above story) to let him know and try and reach Mom. He heads to the hospital. So you quickly fly out to be there. He has made it and is in critical condition. The first time you see your Dad he is attached to all these machines and has a breathing tube down his throat. You pull a chair up to him and gently put his hand in yours. And speak to him and let him know you are there. No response.. You begin to inwardly sob and your body shakes from the emotions. But you try to keep silent so as not to upset him if he can hear you. All of a sudden you feel his thumb gently caress your hand as he rubs the top of your hand back and forth.. Back and forth.. Over and over again.. He can’t speak and he is in a fog but even that moment he is being like he always has been. Caring for you in this moment where I should be caring for him.. The loss of your Dad scares you and he puts up a good fight for roughly 5 to 6 months. But he dies of Brain Cancer.

2nd Part:

At your Dad’s request he asks for all of his children (6 Boys) to prepare him for burial. It is a moment that scares you and you are not sure how you are going to handle it. You walk into that room and you see him there. It breaks your heart and you try and keep your composure. The room is silent and we are given a period of time to be with him and you never thought you’d be the type of hold a dead person’s hand but you must. You want to hold and caress his hand as he did for you back in that hospital. You are no longer scared of touching him or someone who is dead. And you being to have this inward peace during the whole process of assisting in putting your Dad in his temple clothes. And in the end we all agree to not let anyone else but his 6 boys lay him in the casket. So 3 on each side we gently pick him up and walk him to his casket and place him in it. We would not allow a stranger to do this when we can do it ourselves. I feel a sense of his pride throughout this time and is one of the more spiritual experiences you have had in a long time.

But like the other, it changes you in a way. For the good I like to think. I am a better person in the end..

[wuapinmon]

When I first saw this thread I wasn’t sure if I was going to post in it but speaking of these things is very therapeutic for me. I have two to share but there is 2 moments within each..

1st Moment:

It is the loss of innocence and the sudden impact to grow up and face what you considered to be the coolest kid in your school at the ripe age of 12.. It was April 7th 1989. A young boy is bored after school and decides to head off to a friend’s house. He knew his buddies would be there and he may not have been invited but he wanted to hang out. Your mother had told you earlier you were not allowed to go there anymore but you thought she would never find out and you’d be home before she got home from work. So you left on your older brother’s bike and headed down the road to the kid’s house. You pull up to the house not knowing your life was about to change forever.

You knock on the door and you hear the kids behind the door. It takes them forever (In your mind) to even answer the door. As you wait you hear what seemed like the loudest firecracker you had ever heard in your life (And it causes you to literally jump due to how startled you are from it). And quickly thereafter you begin to hear the screams and terror on the other side of the door (Saying You shot him. You killed him!!). They are screaming the name of someone you hold dear to you. It is your best friend from school and church that you have grown up with all of your life since nursery.. As you hear the screams and shouting, you come to the realization that your friend has been shot in the head. You begin to pound on the door and shout to let you in over and over. You do not know if they are playing a cruel joke to get rid of you or if it is real. But you keep pounding on the door and shouting in anger to be let in. Then it goes silent and you stand there waiting and still yelling to be let in. Wanting to know what’s going on (Wanting to take him in your arms and speak to him and let him know everything is going to be OK). One of the kids comes to a side window finally and speaks to you and tells you to go home and that all is well but no one is allowed in the house. But you don’t believe him, but you do as you are told in the state of shock that you are in. As you ride your bike away you begin to hear the sirens of the ambulance and you come to the knowledge that it was not a cruel joke but your closest friend is more than likely dead (He passed away 2 days later).

Part2:

As you go home you inform your oldest brother what happened (After he scolds you for riding his bike without permission). He then holds you as you sob for what seemed like hours. He calls Mom and Dad and they quickly come home. They call the Police to inform them of what they know. The investigator’s come to your house that evening and questions you on what took place. You are told that the other boys did not provide the same story but lied and said your friend shot himself playing a game of Russian roulette. You agree to testify for the state at that time against the coolest kids in school and are told to remain silent and never speak of the event at school or to anyone. So you go back to school and you remain silent all the while the other kids demonize you and spread rumors and falsehoods about your closest friend. Then comes the sobering moment you testify in court and you tell the story in front of the kid who in fact shot your best friend. You look him dead in the eye and point at him when you are asked who shot your friend. You then are cross-examined by his attorney and are scared to death on how he is going to be mean to you (As told by the state attorney’s). But you persevere and make it through and feel some little peace in knowing you told the truth. Not for yourself but for your dear friend and hope that he is looking down upon you with pride for what you did for him. This is your hope and little bit of peace..

However, your life is forever changed. You blame yourself for the death of your friend. Many including his Mom tell you to not blame yourself and it wasn’t your fault. That kid chose to pull out his father’s gun not you. That you honored him by standing up and telling the truth when he was not able to do it himself. But the reality is that he meant to scare you with the gun. He meant to open that door and swing that gun at you in some horrible joke that he thought was funny. But he didn’t get to do that. Instead he shot your friend. But it is hard to shake the fact that your decision set in motion the loss of someone’s life, your closest friend’s life. It is something that you think about daily. You name your son after him in honor of him.. That is how it has impacted you. So you will never forget and will be able to show him you have not forgotten and you will forever honor him. It changes you in many ways. Ways that you may never even know…

2nd Moment:

Your father just went into have a biopsy on his brain. You have had a sick feeling all day but you are not sure why. You are concerned by the procedure of someone drilling into your father’s brain and the seriousness of it. But your father acts like all is fine and it is no big deal. So you just pray all will be well. You ask your Mom to keep you updated who had gone to the hospital with him.

Later that day , your Mom calls you sobbing to let you know that Dad was in Cardiac arrest and they are trying to revive him. His brain is hemorrhaging and they are not sure he is going to make it. And that she has been told to gather the family at the hospital. She quickly hangs up and refuses to answer the phone thereafter. You call your older brother (Same one from above story) to let him know and try and reach Mom. He heads to the hospital. So you quickly fly out to be there. He has made it and is in critical condition. The first time you see your Dad he is attached to all these machines and has a breathing tube down his throat. You pull a chair up to him and gently put his hand in yours. And speak to him and let him know you are there. No response.. You begin to inwardly sob and your body shakes from the emotions. But you try to keep silent so as not to upset him if he can hear you. All of a sudden you feel his thumb gently caress your hand as he rubs the top of your hand back and forth.. Back and forth.. Over and over again.. He can’t speak and he is in a fog but even that moment he is being like he always has been. Caring for you in this moment where I should be caring for him.. The loss of your Dad scares you and he puts up a good fight for roughly 5 to 6 months. But he dies of Brain Cancer.

2nd Part:

At your Dad’s request he asks for all of his children (6 Boys) to prepare him for burial. It is a moment that scares you and you are not sure how you are going to handle it. You walk into that room and you see him there. It breaks your heart and you try and keep your composure. The room is silent and we are given a period of time to be with him and you never thought you’d be the type of hold a dead person’s hand but you must. You want to hold and caress his hand as he did for you back in that hospital. You are no longer scared of touching him or someone who is dead. And you being to have this inward peace during the whole process of assisting in putting your Dad in his temple clothes. And in the end we all agree to not let anyone else but his 6 boys lay him in the casket. So 3 on each side we gently pick him up and walk him to his casket and place him in it. We would not allow a stranger to do this when we can do it ourselves. I feel a sense of his pride throughout this time and is one of the more spiritual experiences you have had in a long time.

But like the other, it changes you in a way. For the good I like to think. I am a better person in the end..

Thank you for sharing that, brockstar. Both are moving and deeply personal.