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  • #1

    Very tough night

    I had to deal with a tragic, personal, and life-altering experience last night that has caused me to feel like I need to share this with you folks. I am posting this in the religion section - I hope that’s okay.

    Like everyone else in the world, I have been through some very tough things in life. Being gay, coming out, leaving the church, and getting divorced were all extremely tough things to deal with, but the very worst thing I have ever experienced was losing my entire family. My parents, all 8 siblings, and many of my friends have completely stopped associating with me due to my church resignation and sexuality.

    All of my gay friends assured me that coming out was never as bad as one thinks it might be, that family members will be much more supportive than one could ever imagine, and that admitting ones sexuality is a wonderful experience. Well…although I am grateful that I made that decision, I do have to say that what they said would happen was not true in my case – my family and friends responded in a much-worse manner than I ever thought could happen. If it were not for my wonderful kids, I would have no biological family left at all.

    So…while I am not looking for sympathy or attention by posting this, I am trying to spread the message that people need love and compassion, no matter how they live their lives. I pray that none of you ever have to deal with having a gay child, brother, father, best friend, or other close acquaintance, but it is a very common thing anymore, and I’m sure many of you will. Please know, that even though it might be difficult, these people need and want to feel like they are a part of a family/group, and many of them feel alone and even hated.

    I am very lucky that even though I lost my family, I was able to find some wonderful people who accept and love me unconditionally, but not all gay people are as fortunate as I have been, and last night reiterated this to me once more. Anyway…just wanted to share.
    Last edited by Swimmer; 04-10-2012, 09:16 AM.
    “According to the teachings of Buddhism, the worst thing that you can do to your karma is to say to someone else that their faith is bad”
    Tags: None
  • #2
    That sounds very difficult. It always saddens me to hear of anyone going through such a difficult experience. I hope you are able to find the support you comfort you need.

    It is good to see you back on cuf.

    Comment

    • #3
      So what happened last night? Was it last night that your family told you they were no longer going to associate with you?
      Everything in life is an approximation.

      http://twitter.com/CougarStats

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by Swimmer View Post
        I had to deal with a tragic, personal, and life-altering experience last night that has caused me to feel like I need to share this with you folks. I am posting this in the religion section - I hope that’s okay.

        Like everyone else in the world, I have been through some very tough things in life. Being gay, coming out, leaving the church, and getting divorced were all extremely tough things to deal with, but the very worst thing I have ever experienced was losing my entire family. My parents, all 8 siblings, and many of my friends have completely stopped associating with me due to my church resignation and sexuality.

        All of my gay friends assured me that coming out was never as bad as one thinks it might be, that family members will be much more supportive than one could ever imagine, and that admitting ones sexuality is a wonderful experience. Well…although I am grateful that I made that decision, I do have to say that what they said would happen was not true in my case – my family and friends responded in a much-worse manner than I ever thought could happen. If it were not for my wonderful kids, I would have no biological family left at all.

        So…while I am not looking for sympathy or attention by posting this, I am trying to spread the message that people need love and compassion, no matter how they live their lives. I pray that none of you ever have to deal with having a gay child, brother, father, best friend, or other close acquaintance, but it is a very common thing anymore, and I’m sure many of you will. Please know, that even though it might be difficult, these people need and want to feel like they are a part of a family/group, and many of them feel alone and even hated.

        I am very lucky that even though I lost my family, I was able to find some wonderful people who accept and love me unconditionally, but not all gay people are as fortunate as I have been, and last night reiterated this to me once more. Anyway…just wanted to share.

        Your family must be extremely orthodox. With my limited knowledge, saying that is not passing judgement on you or them, just an observation as to what could cause such a strain.

        I am guessing through all of this you aren't asking them to do something they would be uncomfortable with. I wish the best for you.

        Comment

        • #5
          Originally posted by Indy Coug View Post
          So what happened last night? Was it last night that your family told you they were no longer going to associate with you?
          Oh..sorry. My family has not been a part of my life for several years, and nothing happened in that regard yesterday. I didn't clarify too well because I didn't want this to be about the situation. I was simply trying to show the importance of this issue and demonstrate that how we treat others does have an effect on them.

          I can share part of what happened last night - a friend of mine, in a very similar situation to mine, tried to end his life due to his sexuality and family relationships. He is not doing well, and it has been a very tough day for his family and friends. This is an all too common occurrence in a situation such as this.
          “According to the teachings of Buddhism, the worst thing that you can do to your karma is to say to someone else that their faith is bad”

          Comment

          • #6
            Originally posted by Swimmer View Post
            I had to deal with a tragic, personal, and life-altering experience last night that has caused me to feel like I need to share this with you folks. I am posting this in the religion section - I hope that’s okay.

            Like everyone else in the world, I have been through some very tough things in life. Being gay, coming out, leaving the church, and getting divorced were all extremely tough things to deal with, but the very worst thing I have ever experienced was losing my entire family. My parents, all 8 siblings, and many of my friends have completely stopped associating with me due to my church resignation and sexuality.

            All of my gay friends assured me that coming out was never as bad as one thinks it might be, that family members will be much more supportive than one could ever imagine, and that admitting ones sexuality is a wonderful experience. Well…although I am grateful that I made that decision, I do have to say that what they said would happen was not true in my case – my family and friends responded in a much-worse manner than I ever thought could happen. If it were not for my wonderful kids, I would have no biological family left at all.

            So…while I am not looking for sympathy or attention by posting this, I am trying to spread the message that people need love and compassion, no matter how they live their lives. I pray that none of you ever have to deal with having a gay child, brother, father, best friend, or other close acquaintance, but it is a very common thing anymore, and I’m sure many of you will. Please know, that even though it might be difficult, these people need and want to feel like they are a part of a family/group, and many of them feel alone and even hated.

            I am very lucky that even though I lost my family, I was able to find some wonderful people who accept and love me unconditionally, but not all gay people are as fortunate as I have been, and last night reiterated this to me once more. Anyway…just wanted to share.
            I really hope your family comes around. They need you every bit as much as you need them. Hold onto some "faith" that they will come around. Very sad. God bless.

            Personally, I blame the Frostee's Freeze in Shoshone for closing down and taking away those delictable soft chocolate ice cream treats! I think some day we will be able to track the downfall of mankind to the shuttering of the Shoshone, ID Frostee's Freeze!
            Do Your Damnedest In An Ostentatious Manner All The Time!
            -General George S. Patton

            I'm choosing to mostly ignore your fatuity here and instead overwhelm you with so much data that you'll maybe, just maybe, realize that you have reams to read on this subject before you can contribute meaningfully to any conversation on this topic.
            -DOCTOR Wuap

            Comment

            • #7
              Originally posted by Goatnapper'96 View Post
              I really hope your family comes around. They need you every bit as much as you need them. Hold onto some "faith" that they will come around. Very sad. God bless.

              Personally, I blame the Frostee's Freeze in Shoshone for closing down and taking away those delictable soft chocolate ice cream treats! I think some day we will be able to track the downfall of mankind to the shuttering of the Shoshone, ID Frostee's Freeze!
              Shoshone, ID...that brings back some great memories from my youth. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
              “According to the teachings of Buddhism, the worst thing that you can do to your karma is to say to someone else that their faith is bad”

              Comment

              • #8
                I showed MJ that video by the BYU students called "It Gets Better" and after she watched it her comment was "I've lived a very sheltered life."

                Not that it helps, but people in the church are starting to understand the pain inflicted by abandoning sons/daughters/spouses/parents/etc. over these issues. I'll never know how someone can reconcile doing that and still saying they live the Gospel. Hopefully your family and the family of your friend come around sooner rather than later.

                Stick around here and don't ever apologize for posting general or personal thoughts. This board is a safe place when people are sincere.
                "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

                Comment

                • #9
                  Hang in there, Swimmer. I'm so sorry for your struggles.
                  "More crazy people to Provo go than to any other town in the state."
                  -- Iron County Record. 23 August, 1912. (http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lc...23/ed-1/seq-4/)

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Swimmer View Post
                    Shoshone, ID...that brings back some great memories from my youth. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
                    Was there a better soft ice cream cone on God's green earth than those bad boys the Shoshone Frostee's Freeze was churning out in the 70's and 80's?

                    If you don't get a tear in your eye or a lump in your throat pondering on the thought of a bunch of Southern Idaho rednecks licking a soft serve ice cream cone while leaning up against a beat up Ford or GM pickup, likely arguing the virtues and benefits of Ford versus GM while John Cougar's "Jack and Diane" or "Small Town" blares from the speakers, then by damn the terrorists have won and we might as well fold the Republic up.
                    Do Your Damnedest In An Ostentatious Manner All The Time!
                    -General George S. Patton

                    I'm choosing to mostly ignore your fatuity here and instead overwhelm you with so much data that you'll maybe, just maybe, realize that you have reams to read on this subject before you can contribute meaningfully to any conversation on this topic.
                    -DOCTOR Wuap

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Swimmer View Post
                      I had to deal with a tragic, personal, and life-altering experience last night that has caused me to feel like I need to share this with you folks. I am posting this in the religion section - I hope that’s okay.

                      Like everyone else in the world, I have been through some very tough things in life. Being gay, coming out, leaving the church, and getting divorced were all extremely tough things to deal with, but the very worst thing I have ever experienced was losing my entire family. My parents, all 8 siblings, and many of my friends have completely stopped associating with me due to my church resignation and sexuality.

                      All of my gay friends assured me that coming out was never as bad as one thinks it might be, that family members will be much more supportive than one could ever imagine, and that admitting ones sexuality is a wonderful experience. Well…although I am grateful that I made that decision, I do have to say that what they said would happen was not true in my case – my family and friends responded in a much-worse manner than I ever thought could happen. If it were not for my wonderful kids, I would have no biological family left at all.

                      So…while I am not looking for sympathy or attention by posting this, I am trying to spread the message that people need love and compassion, no matter how they live their lives. I pray that none of you ever have to deal with having a gay child, brother, father, best friend, or other close acquaintance, but it is a very common thing anymore, and I’m sure many of you will. Please know, that even though it might be difficult, these people need and want to feel like they are a part of a family/group, and many of them feel alone and even hated.

                      I am very lucky that even though I lost my family, I was able to find some wonderful people who accept and love me unconditionally, but not all gay people are as fortunate as I have been, and last night reiterated this to me once more. Anyway…just wanted to share.
                      A very important message. Thanks for sharing, Swimmer. So sorry to hear that your coming out was not met with better responses from those close to you.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        The sort of thing makes me angry. Swimmer I am sorry this is been your experience. Hang in there.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Swimmer, you have friends here. Do not apologize for posting away. I think you may be pleasantly surprised by the response you will receive here as you navigate this new phase of your life. Not sure how many openly gay posters we have on CUF but we definitely have more than our fair share of folks that are willing to listen and extend sympathy/support/understanding.

                          As for the situation you describe from last night, I was in the exact same situation with a really good friend of mine....this was maybe 8 or so years ago. Freaked me out and definitely changed my outlook on life. His story ended well, thankfully. You are a good friend to be so concerned.
                          Fitter. Happier. More Productive.
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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Goatnapper'96 View Post
                            Was there a better soft ice cream cone on God's green earth than those bad boys the Shoshone Frostee's Freeze was churning out in the 70's and 80's?

                            If you don't get a tear in your eye or a lump in your throat pondering on the thought of a bunch of Southern Idaho rednecks licking a soft serve ice cream cone while leaning up against a beat up Ford or GM pickup, likely arguing the virtues and benefits of Ford versus GM while John Cougar's "Jack and Diane" or "Small Town" blares from the speakers, then by damn the terrorists have won and we might as well fold the Republic up.
                            GN, you make my nipples hard.
                            I'm like LeBron James.
                            -mpfunk

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              The shunning of gay family members or apostates has always been so confusing to me. I have both in my extended family, and I never considered treating them differently, even in my most orthodox years. I don't know where members learn this is an acceptable or appropriate response.

                              I will add that I am sorry you have been abandoned by family, swimmer. That should not happen.
                              Last edited by Omaha 680; 04-10-2012, 11:28 AM.

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