Shocking divorce in my recently-former ward

[SoCalCoug]

My in-laws are in the ward we just moved away from, and they told us about a recent separation (and soon-to-be divorce) in our ward (I'm hoping somehow I get the wife's case).

Husband was (until recently) a young high councilman. He was a former Elder's Quorum President, and one of the stalwarts in the ward. Wife was Young Women's President, and extremely well-liked in the ward. They have four girls, ages 18 down to 4.

Husband is a high-ranking guy in a large computer company, and travels back and forth between OC and Sacramento (or somewhere up there) on a weekly basis (week-on, week-off).

Recently, while up north, he sent his wife a letter saying he's not coming back, that he's done with the marriage, that he's buying a home for himself up north, that he doesn't want contact with the children, and that he never had any feelings for the youngest child.

I honestly don't know how someone can get to that point so seemingly suddenly. He was only released as a high counselor after he sent the letter.

And by a letter? I never even considered breaking up a dating relationship without a face-to-face conversation.

[landpoke]

And by a letter? I never even considered breaking up a dating relationship without a face-to-face conversation.

It's a lot cleaner, no hysterics etc. And if you're half a state away it's even better because there's little chance you'd meet unexpectedly and have to deal with some chick sobbing uncontrollably that they can't get over you. I hate that.

[landpoke]

That is pretty cold what he said about his youngest though.

[FN Phat]

I honestly don't know how someone can get to that point so seemingly suddenly.

My guess is that has not been so sudden, at least on his end of things.

[RC Vikings]

He's either gay or doing someone up north or both. If he's straight odds are he's going to regret what he has done in about three to five years

[SoCalCoug]

We think he's got someone up north. He's been dividing his time between the two locations for several years.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Very similar to what happened in our ward last summer. Former bishop.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Letter break up > text break up.

[SoCalCoug]

He's either gay or doing someone up north or both. If he's straight odds are he's going to regret what he has done in about three to five years

The thing that's really crazy about this whole thing is that he's always contributed good insight to sunday school and priesthood lessons, he's been on the high council - so essentially he's got the entire stake snowed. You'd like to think someone as insincere as that would be discovered. It's not like he messed up and simply had an affair - his letter suggests strongly that there's a fundamental dissonance between the church's teachings and his personal values.

What is most disconcerting is that in a church where the leaders are supposed to have particular, spirit-driven discernment, someone like that is put so readily into leadership positions.

[UtahDan]

I honestly don't know how someone can get to that point so seemingly suddenly. He was only released as a high counselor after he sent the letter.

You don't get to that point suddenly. He has been thinking about this for a long, long time. He is also harboring some remarkable hostility as well, IMO, to do it in such a cold fashion.

[cougjunkie]

His wife was probably very frigid.

[SoCalCoug]

This situation just brings to mind other men in leadership positions who I've had the chance to witness in some fashion (often second-hand, but trustworthy to me) in other contexts.

It seems that the church leadership structure favors men with successful business or p.r. skills or who have a certain personality type, rather than people who are truly Christ-like in their hearts. And then members view the leaders through a lens of personal worthiness, assuming that the more "worthy" (in the spiritual sense) are the ones in charge.

[ERCougar]

This situation just brings to mind other men in leadership positions who I've had the chance to witness in some fashion (often second-hand, but trustworthy to me) in other contexts.

It seems that the church leadership structure favors men with successful business or p.r. skills or who have a certain personality type, rather than people who are truly Christ-like in their hearts. And then members view the leaders through a lens of personal worthiness, assuming that the more "worthy" (in the spiritual sense) are the ones in charge.

Very well said. I don't fault the church for putting successful business/PR/Type A personalities in leadership positions; for a lot of reasons, this makes sense. I fault the membership for putting them on some sort of spiritual pedestal.

[UtahDan]

This situation just brings to mind other men in leadership positions who I've had the chance to witness in some fashion (often second-hand, but trustworthy to me) in other contexts.

It seems that the church leadership structure favors men with successful business or p.r. skills or who have a certain personality type, rather than people who are truly Christ-like in their hearts. And then members view the leaders through a lens of personal worthiness, assuming that the more "worthy" (in the spiritual sense) are the ones in charge.

One thing I have now been around long enough to know is that the neither the priesthood, nor the spirit, nor inspiration and maybe not even revelation are dependent upon the worthiness of the conduit. There are examples aplenty of men who are the greatest teachers, could fill a room with the spirit, exercise discernment, inspire, bless, preach, heal, and do it all carrying around a very heavy burden of sin.

I keep seeing it happen. I just don't any longer believe that the vessel must be pure for others to benefit. It really does not seem to matter.

[Clark Addison]

My in-laws are in the ward we just moved away from, and they told us about a recent separation (and soon-to-be divorce) in our ward (I'm hoping somehow I get the wife's case).

Husband was (until recently) a young high councilman. He was a former Elder's Quorum President, and one of the stalwarts in the ward. Wife was Young Women's President, and extremely well-liked in the ward. They have four girls, ages 18 down to 4.

Husband is a high-ranking guy in a large computer company, and travels back and forth between OC and Sacramento (or somewhere up there) on a weekly basis (week-on, week-off).

Recently, while up north, he sent his wife a letter saying he's not coming back, that he's done with the marriage, that he's buying a home for himself up north, that he doesn't want contact with the children, and that he never had any feelings for the youngest child.

I honestly don't know how someone can get to that point so seemingly suddenly. He was only released as a high counselor after he sent the letter.

And by a letter? I never even considered breaking up a dating relationship without a face-to-face conversation.

I hope that the wife, in trying to get back at this truly awful behavior, never tells the youngest daughter what he said (though the fact that it is puclic knowledge makes me doubt that she will be able to withhold it). Maybe it is just because I have a 4 year old daughter, but that part hit me hard.

And count me with the people who say this wasn't sudden. I would be absolutely shocked if he didn't have someone up in Sacramento.