Sleepovers

[FMCoug]

This may have been discussed here already but if so, I couldn't find it in a search of The Foyer. Elder Larry J. Lawrence's talk called "Courageous Parenting" from last October's General Conference has been cited as the rationale for "The Church doesn't want us to have sleepovers". I just re-read the talk and while there are quite a few things in the talk I have problems with, this is not one of them, and if you look at what he said, it makes a lot of sense (he did not say don't have sleepovers). He said we shoudl be actively parenting and making determinations as to what activites our kids should participate in.

May I express my personal warning about a practice that is common in many cultures. I am referring to sleepovers, or spending the night at the home of a friend. As a bishop I discovered that too many youth violated the Word of Wisdom or the law of chastity for the first time as part of a sleepover. Too often their first exposure to pornography and even their first encounter with the police occurred when they were spending the night away from home.

Peer pressure becomes more powerful when our children are away from our influence and when their defenses are weakened late at night. If you have ever felt uneasy about an overnight activity, don’t be afraid to respond to that warning voice inside. Always be prayerful when it comes to protecting your precious children.

It sounds to me like he is giving an example of an activity where things could go wrong and recommending that we prayerfully consider all activities. No blanket condemnation of sleepovers that I can see.

This has come up a couple of times recently. The first was in a YW Presidency meeting a few weeks ago. Our ward was planning a "min-mission" activity for the kids. They got a mission call and groups of kids went to the homes of members who served in that mission, had dinne (from the mission area), and taught a discussion to the family. They then spent the night as companionships and had a devotional / testimony meeting / breakfast at the Bishop's home the next morning.

Anyway, apparently some of the YW leaders were concerned about this because "the church doesn't want us to have sleepovers anymore". Even if that were true, this was a Church Activity. Are they thinking Scout Camp, Girl's Camp, Youth Conferece are going away too? Better do away with EFY as well.

The second (the one that prompted this post) was on Facebook. Someone asked the question about the church discouraging sleepovers and 6 different people responded citing Elder Lawrence's talk.

<Preemptive YOhio Defense>
This was brought up by a FaceBook friend in California. This has nothing to do with Utah and I am not implying anything about your home state in this post.
</Preemptive YOhio Defense>

[Soccermom]

I agree with your interpretation. My personal policy is no sleepovers because I did enough juvenile offender mediations to see the problem with them. Some people think our family policy is extreme,and perhaps it is, but I'm not changing it.

Sixth graders in our district can go to a week long science camp. I opted to not send my son because they will be staying over in cabins supervised by teens and the group of kids in my son's class are obnoxious to put it kindly. In this day and age of cell phone mischief, I don't want to risk my child being photographed in a compromising manner and having that photograph distributed to the entire school. And, yes, that happened in a nearby district at science camp. We will spend the same amount of money giving our son some fun science related outings. He actually doesn't even want to go because of bullying he endured in the past.

I think it is just good counsel to be very careful with sleepovers. Unless you know the other families well, there is no way to know how the other parents supervise. One example, my son went to a party that was a sleepover. I told him he could stay late and I would pick him up at 10:30. When I got there a bit earlier and was visiting with the parents (good friends of mine), I witnessed some drama. Two boys at the party getting naked in the parents' room and engaging in some "acts". Another boy discovered them and came running down the stairs shouting about it. And the two boys' parents were there visiting and hadn't left yet! Yet, with all the stuff going on, adults visiting, kids supposedly playing etc., something like that started happening under the noses of responsible adults. Imagine what could go on when the responsible adults went to sleep. Or, imagine what could happen with not so responsible adults.

[jay santos]

There was a long discussion on this after the GC talk. Might have been in the GC thread.

[pellegrino]

I agree with your interpretation. My personal policy is no sleepovers because I did enough juvenile offender mediations to see the problem with them. Some people think our family policy is extreme,and perhaps it is, but I'm not changing it.

Sixth graders in our district can go to a week long science camp. I opted to not send my son because they will be staying over in cabins supervised by teens and the group of kids in my son's class are obnoxious to put it kindly. In this day and age of cell phone mischief, I don't want to risk my child being photographed in a compromising manner and having that photograph distributed to the entire school. And, yes, that happened in a nearby district at science camp. We will spend the same amount of money giving our son some fun science related outings. He actually doesn't even want to go because of bullying he endured in the past.

I think it is just good counsel to be very careful with sleepovers. Unless you know the other families well, there is no way to know how the other parents supervise. One example, my son went to a party that was a sleepover. I told him he could stay late and I would pick him up at 10:30. When I got there a bit earlier and was visiting with the parents (good friends of mine), I witnessed some drama. Two boys at the party getting naked in the parents' room and engaging in some "acts". Another boy discovered them and came running down the stairs shouting about it. And the two boys' parents were there visiting and hadn't left yet! Yet, with all the stuff going on, adults visiting, kids supposedly playing etc., something like that started happening under the noses of responsible adults. Imagine what could go on when the responsible adults went to sleep. Or, imagine what could happen with not so responsible adults.

I share this well stated opinion.

[Moliere]

I'm pro-sleepovers. I had many as a kid and we didn't always obey the law but I'm not going to deny my kids the fun of sleepovers because of some GC talk or because of other concerns. I teach my kids accountability and if I hover over them or control their enbironment in every aspect they won't ever make a decision for themselves. Some of the first places I ever had to say "no" to a movie was at a sleepover.

Sure we are very cautious about where and when our kids sleepover, but denying them outright as a family rule isnt something that would work for me.

Now adult sleepovers, I'm against those.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I'm pro-sleepovers. I had many as a kid and we didn't always obey the law but I'm not going to deny my kids the fun of sleepovers because of some GC talk or because of other concerns. I teach my kids accountability and if I hover over them or control their enbironment in every aspect they won't ever make a decision for themselves. Some of the first places I ever had to say "no" to a movie was at a sleepover.

Hey, I am totally cool if you see low risk with sleepovers, but your post is a bit of an insult to those of us who take a different approach to the issue.

[FMCoug]

I share this well stated opinion.

Which is your right and I have no problem with it. But I don't think either one of you (or 99% of the members of this board) would ever turn it into a self-rightous "the church says no sleepovers". That's my point.

The bottom line is if there was a magic formula for parenting that worked 100% for everyone, ever time, we'd all be following it. But there isn't and so there will be a variety of opinions and approaches.

Hey, I am totally cool if you see low risk with sleepovers, but your post is a bit of an insult to those of us who take a different approach to the issue.

How was his statement insulting? He stated his opinion. I didn't see anything saying he didn't respect that others don't see things the same way.

[Jeff Lebowski]

In case it isn't sufficiently obvious:

...but I'm not going to deny my kids the fun of sleepovers because of some GC talk or because of other concerns.

That is quite a line. Nothing insulting there, but I am guessing your logic goes beyond simply not wanting to deny your kids some fun.

I teach my kids accountability...

And so do we, believe it or not.

... and if I hover over them or control their enbironment in every aspect they won't ever make a decision for themselves.

Hyperbole. We are looking at one issue. Our kids are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves.

EDIT: Geez, why do I get suckered into responding to FM's threads?

[Moliere]

Hey, I am totally cool if you see low risk with sleepovers, but your post is a bit of an insult to those of us who take a different approach to the issue.

Probably so. No insult was intended. I just see many YM that struggle because they spend every waking moment under their parents eye and the second they get away they make poor choices. I doubt this generalization applies to anyone here since I'm sure I'm more hovering in some repects than others.

[DrumNFeather]

Light as a feather....stiff as a board...

[Moliere]

I once started a TP club. We had a playhouse in our backyard and would sleep out there and go toilet papering usually around 1am. Being outside made it much easier to so this since we never woke my parents up tying to open a door. We could also slowly accumulate rolls of TP without my mom noticing.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Probably so. No insult was intended. I just see many YM that struggle because they spend every waking moment under their parents eye and the second they get away they make poor choices. I doubt this generalization applies to anyone here since I'm sure I'm more hovering in some repects than others.

Fair enough.

[FMCoug]

EDIT: Geez, why do I get suckered into responding to FM's threads?

Seriously man. You know what I am when you pick me up!

:stirthepot:

[Uncle Ted]

Probably so. No insult was intended. I just see many YM that struggle because they spend every waking moment under their parents eye and the second they get away they make poor choices. I doubt this generalization applies to anyone here since I'm sure I'm more hovering in some repects than others.

Yes, I have seen the same. Their parents are so strict with them that the kids are afraid to tell their parents anything and be open. We were once at a high school banquet where they were giving out some fun awards. One of the awards was the "barf bag award" given to the couple who expressed the most PDA (public display of affection) at school. The bishop's son and his girlfriend got the award. It was obvious that the bishop and his wife had no idea that his son and the girlfriend were having long make-out sessions at school and in the parking lot. The bishop, his wife, and the bishop's son were all very embarrassed given the extreme redness of their faces and the son's long grounding immediately starting that night.

As for sleep overs my wife and I only allow it if we know the parents very well or if the sleep over is at our house. I know parents that don't allow any sleep overs which I can respect. Given some of the things I have heard going on at the schools I can respect their decision to home school their kids as well. Although I think their kids are growing up kind of socially retarded.

[UtahDan]

Although I think their kids are growing up kind of socially retarded.

Jeff, look at this man's avatar and ask yourself whether you are going to take this or not.