The Official CUF Parable Writing Contest

[RobinFinderson]

Parable: a simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, as told by Jesus in the Gospels.

Welcome to the first annual CUF Parable Writing Contest! The rules of the game are simple:

• Attempt to write a better parable than anyone else.

• Stick to the form and keep it short! Many of Jesus' parables were just a few verses. Learn from the Master!

• But also keep it fresh. Consider situating it in modern times with modern references.

• And finally, keep the message serious (though the delivery might be humorous). Try to teach a real spiritual and/or moral lesson.

Example (my entry):

The Lord of Humboldt and the Weed Pinching Dealers
There was a city in SoCal with a reputation for trading the world's most potent strains of marijuana, and people would travel from distant lands to partake of the green bounty.

One day the Lord of Humboldt County, from whose fields much of the marijuana bloomed, decided to descend down upon the SoCal city and see how his product was presented to the people. So, he shaved his beard and washed his hair and put on a clean t-shirt, so that he might slip into the city without being recognized. And thus he met and procured ganja from two dealers.

The first dealer measured out four grams of medical-grade hydro, and as he was bagging it, he took a pinch from the top of one of the buds, and this he kept for himself.

The second dealer measured out four grams of the same hydro, and as he was bagging it, he reached into his supply and took a pinch from the top of one of the buds, a small measure of 'love,' and this he added to the four grams.

When the Lord of Humboldt had observed these things, he changed into a dirty T-Shirt, and both of the pinching dealers could now see who he really was.

"How have you represented my product?"

The first dealer reached into his pocket and produced a wad of bills. "My Lord, I have sold all that you have provided me, and for this I have earned you $550."

With a look of sadness, the second dealer reached into his pocket and produced a wad of bills. "My Lord, I too have sold all that you have provided me, and for this I have earned you $450."

Though he knew the reason for the discrepancy, the Lord of Humboldt asked, "The value of my product was $500. How is it that one has earned more and the other has earned less?"

Now beaming, the first dealer explained, "From each customer, I pinched a tiny piece, too small to notice, and from the many I was able to make one additional sale."

Now looking more abject than before, the second dealer confessed, "I too pinched product, but this I gave freely to the clients as 'love,' to ensure that my offering was not light."


The Lord of Humboldt then said to the first dealer, "You have robbed me! Keep your $550, for you have earned it in your manner, and the money can not be mine."

And then the Lord said unto the second dealer, "You have represented me well, for you have been fair plus 'love.' For this, I will take your $450 dollars and bestow unto you all of my future business. In all things, do your part, then add a pinch of love. This is my way."

[RobinFinderson]

Jeff, it is probably going to take folks some time to write really good parables, and I'm sure that everyone wants to do their very best, so it would probably be best to make this thread a sticky and promote it to the top of the forum.

TIA

[Borderline Divine]

Once, in a land not far from here, two brothers dwelt just 40 cubits from each other. And behold! These brothers shared many, many traits and attributes, still did they dislike each other greatly.

And the friends of each brother did also dislike and yeah, even revile the friends of the other brother. And there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and also no little kicking against the pricks did take place among the supporters of both brothers.

And it came to pass that one day the brother who dressed in red raiment was invited to join an exclusive and prestigous group of other men. With this invitation also came offers of much gold, and of silver, and of other precious things. And also a BCS berth was included in this invitation, a thing much treasured at that time.

And the friends of the brother who wore the red raiment did rejoice and give great praise for they had been delivered up from mid-major status and were exalted in the eyes of the football Gods.

And it came to pass that the brother who went about in blue raiment did cry out unto the heavens in disbelief, and in jealousy and in a voice like a little girl. And also his friends did likewise, and did cry out to the friends of the brother who wore red raiment and did mock them and did say unto them that they would never be fruitful among the exclusive and prestigious group of other men.

And it came to pass that the brother who wore blue did declare that that he was not invited to the other group because he was so righteous in the eyes of the Lord, and the other group of men and the brother who wore red raiment were sinners in the eyes of the Lord. And also hippies, too did he call many of them.

And it came to pass that the brother who wore blue raiment did declare that he and his friends had a crappy tv deal and didst declare themselves independent from former friends of long standing. But before this they did try to make alliegence with other friends of even longer former standing.

But behold it came to pass that Fresno St. and Reno in their pride and wickedness did sodomize this effort.

And behold! After being sodomized did the brother who wore blue raiment declare that he would prefer to wander alone in the wilderness for 40 years and could play for the national championship if he darn well wanted to anyways.

And also the friends of the brother who went about in blue raiment did declare that wandering about in the wilderness was what they had all wanted all along anyway. And they did then rejoice and also did they sing hosannahs unto the HD truck.

And also did they admit that the last half of his football schedule would make a giant sucking sound, like unto a rusty toilet, or a sickly curelom. And also that it would offend the nose like unto the inside of a Jaredite barge with all those animals in there and no windows.

And the Lord did look down upon the two brothers and was well pleased. And the Lord reminded his children again that he would not be mocked, and that hippies were beloved in his eyes, and that he had always blessed the brother who wore red raiment because he was a research institution, and also did that brother allow his friends to go about with beards upon their faces, like unto the Lord's only begotten son.

[RobinFinderson]

Excellent work, Brother Divine. This is a powerful message about false pride and real humility. It has some obscure references that I am sure few CUFfers will understand, but for those with ears to hear, the message will be a blessing that is long remembered.

[Borderline Divine]

Excellent work, Brother Divine. This is a powerful message about false pride and real humility. It has some obscure references that I am sure few CUFfers will understand, but for those with ears to hear, the message will be a blessing that is long remembered.

It was the Curelom, wasn't it?

[Katy Lied]

I appreciate your very creative contributions to CUF, Robin.

[KillerDog]

Behold, a certain man went out into the world and did seek after righteousness and worship after the manner of his people.

And lo that man did sin and did consort with all manner of evil beings and did practice all manner of wickedness.

But behold, the man was brought unto an understanding of his evilness and wickedness and did cry mightily unto the Lord for redemption.

And another man, who was a true friend to the first, did hear his cries and did lift him up and set him into the temple of the Lord.

And the man did go out and bring many unto the temple of the Lord and he did convert them to the ways of righteousness and show them the path to redemption and eternal life.

And the man reached out and brought unto the temple a jimmer which did uplift all and help all man to eternal life.

And thus we know that from small and feeble things are great things brought to pass.

[Borderline Divine]

Of starfish

** NOT ORIGINAL CONTENT***I just like it


Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his thinking. He had a habit of walking on the beach just after sunup every morning.

One morning as he was walking along the shore he looked down the beach, and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out,"Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"Why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the sea and said, "It made a difference for that one."

[Donuthole]

Once upon a time there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his thinking. He had a habit of walking on the beach just after sunup every morning.

One morning as he was walking along the shore he looked down the beach, and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself to think of someone who would dance to the day. So he began to walk faster to catch up. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young man and the young man wasn't dancing, but instead he was reaching down to the shore, picking up something and very gently throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer he called out,"Good morning! What are you doing?"

The young man paused, looked up and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"Why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in they'll die."

"But, young man, don't you realize that there are miles and miles of beach and starfish all along it. You can't possibly make a difference!"

The young man bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the sea and said, "It made a difference for that one."

I like that story, but I was under the impression that this thread was encouraging original or mostly-original works.

[Borderline Divine]

I like that story, but I was under the impression that this thread was encouraging original or mostly-original works.

My original work (such as it is) is above. I just like that parable and posted it hoping others would enjoy the message as well.

In no way do I represent the second message as my work. Wish it was...

[Lost Student]

A woman was frantically rushed into an emergency room with one palm pressed against the back of her head. She claimed she had been shot from behind while driving her car and that she had driven to the hospital with one hand while using the other to keep her "brains" from spilling out.

The emergency team reacted quickly, knowing how precious each bit of brain tissue was to the woman's functioning in the future. Soon enough, however, they were able to piece together what had actually happened. The woman had been to the supermarket and placed her groceries in the back seat of her car, which was very hot from sitting in the sun.

As she was driving home, a bullet apparently fired from at least a half-mile away passed through the glass in her back window and had just enough velocity to enter the scalp at the back of her skull. The "brains" that the woman thought she was holding in was actually just a mixture of blood and cerebrospinal fluid!

[RobinFinderson]

A woman was frantically rushed into an emergency room with one palm pressed against the back of her head. She claimed she had been shot from behind while driving her car and that she had driven to the hospital with one hand while using the other to keep her "brains" from spilling out.

The emergency team reacted quickly, knowing how precious each bit of brain tissue was to the woman's functioning in the future. Soon enough, however, they were able to piece together what had actually happened. The woman had been to the supermarket and placed her groceries in the back seat of her car, which was very hot from sitting in the sun.

As she was driving home, a bullet apparently fired from at least a half-mile away passed through the glass in her back window and had just enough velocity to enter the scalp at the back of her skull. The "brains" that the woman thought she was holding in was actually just a mixture of blood and cerebrospinal fluid!

Whoa! I have no idea what this one means. I guess I'm a pharisee.

[Lost Student]

Whoa! I have no idea what this one means. I guess I'm a pharisee.

Sorry, to be honest I only followed 1 of the 4 rules of the contest (I actually didn't exactly read them before posting). I hereby withdraw my entry, but I will keep the post up because I like the story.

[YOhio]

A woman was frantically rushed into an emergency room with one palm pressed against the back of her head. She claimed she had been shot from behind while driving her car and that she had driven to the hospital with one hand while using the other to keep her "brains" from spilling out.

The emergency team reacted quickly, knowing how precious each bit of brain tissue was to the woman's functioning in the future. Soon enough, however, they were able to piece together what had actually happened. The woman had been to the supermarket and placed her groceries in the back seat of her car, which was very hot from sitting in the sun.

As she was driving home, a bullet apparently fired from at least a half-mile away passed through the glass in her back window and had just enough velocity to enter the scalp at the back of her skull. The "brains" that the woman thought she was holding in was actually just a mixture of blood and cerebrospinal fluid!

That touched me in a very private place. Thanks, LS.

[byu71]

Parable: a simple story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson, as told by Jesus in the Gospels.

Welcome to the first annual CUF Parable Writing Contest! The rules of the game are simple:

• Attempt to write a better parable than anyone else.

• Stick to the form and keep it short! Many of Jesus' parables were just a few verses. Learn from the Master!

• But also keep it fresh. Consider situating it in modern times with modern references.

• And finally, keep the message serious (though the delivery might be humorous). Try to teach a real spiritual and/or moral lesson.

Example (my entry):

The Lord of Humboldt and the Weed Pinching Dealers
There was a city in SoCal with a reputation for trading the world's most potent strains of marijuana, and people would travel from distant lands to partake of the green bounty.

One day the Lord of Humboldt County, from whose fields much of the marijuana bloomed, decided to descend down upon the SoCal city and see how his product was presented to the people. So, he shaved his beard and washed his hair and put on a clean t-shirt, so that he might slip into the city without being recognized. And thus he met and procured ganja from two dealers.

The first dealer measured out four grams of medical-grade hydro, and as he was bagging it, he took a pinch from the top of one of the buds, and this he kept for himself.

The second dealer measured out four grams of the same hydro, and as he was bagging it, he reached into his supply and took a pinch from the top of one of the buds, a small measure of 'love,' and this he added to the four grams.

When the Lord of Humboldt had observed these things, he changed into a dirty T-Shirt, and both of the pinching dealers could now see who he really was.

"How have you represented my product?"

The first dealer reached into his pocket and produced a wad of bills. "My Lord, I have sold all that you have provided me, and for this I have earned you $550."

With a look of sadness, the second dealer reached into his pocket and produced a wad of bills. "My Lord, I too have sold all that you have provided me, and for this I have earned you $450."

Though he knew the reason for the discrepancy, the Lord of Humboldt asked, "The value of my product was $500. How is it that one has earned more and the other has earned less?"

Now beaming, the first dealer explained, "From each customer, I pinched a tiny piece, too small to notice, and from the many I was able to make one additional sale."

Now looking more abject than before, the second dealer confessed, "I too pinched product, but this I gave freely to the clients as 'love,' to ensure that my offering was not light."


The Lord of Humboldt then said to the first dealer, "You have robbed me! Keep your $550, for you have earned it in your manner, and the money can not be mine."

And then the Lord said unto the second dealer, "You have represented me well, for you have been fair plus 'love.' For this, I will take your $450 dollars and bestow unto you all of my future business. In all things, do your part, then add a pinch of love. This is my way."

Holy crap, no wonder the Lord kept them short. If you had been the Lord the Bible would have had to have been carried around by a fork lift.