On tone.

[UtahDan]

Tone is a topic we have discussed here a bunch. I post this not because I have any particular complaint or because anyone has made a complaint. I was just reading fmh today and they grappling with that issue as well. As part of a much long post, the following list was posted essentially as "some things to keep in mind." Without making any comment on it, I just want to share it. Some of the things were good reminders to me of things I need to do better; maybe others will feel similarly. Take it FWIW.

*Ask questions instead of making assumptions.

*Assume good intentions. (as N.O. always says, cluelessness is often indistinguishable from malice)

*Be Kind. Not nice necessarily, but do actively consider the impact of your words as though you are talking to a person with feelings that matter. Would you say this to someone sitting on your couch?

*Look for common ground. We all have lots of it.

*Disagree respectfully. Never resort to name calling. Avoid labeling.

*Consider an apology. If you’re not seeing things you did wrong, you might look harder.

*Take time to listen, actively listen, reread in a different tone, consider what they probably meant to say (we aren’t all brilliant communicators)

*Resist the dogpile, sure it’s easy to surround someone and beat them to a pulp, but would Jesus like it?

*Ignore Trolls, they ruin it for the rest of us.

*and my two favorites: Do not question someone’s righteous. Do not undermine, undervalue, mock or disparage someone’s faith.

[Indy Coug]

*Resist the dogpile, sure it’s easy to surround someone and beat them to a pulp, but would Jesus like it?

Sure, if it was well-executed and had a lot of funny stuff in it.

[Art Vandelay]

Good points UD. It reminds me of some excellent advice I heard the other day.

[Indy Coug]

[YOUTUBE]bpTyG60zvcI[/YOUTUBE]

[LA Ute]

Tone is a topic we have discussed here a bunch. I post this not because I have any particular complaint or because anyone has made a complaint. I was just reading fmh today and they grappling with that issue as well. As part of a much long post, the following list was posted essentially as "some things to keep in mind." Without making any comment on it, I just want to share it. Some of the things were good reminders to me of things I need to do better; maybe others will feel similarly. Take it FWIW.

This one reminded me of you:

*Consider an apology. If you’re not seeing things you did wrong, you might look harder.

You owe me several apologies. I'm still waiting. And I would say that to you if you were sitting on my couch.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I endorse this thread. I need to work on several of those points myself.

[UtahDan]

This one reminded me of you:



You owe me several apologies. I'm still waiting. And I would say that to you if you were sitting on my couch.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean.

[LA Ute]

I endorse this thread. I need to work on several of those points myself.

I was going to point out some of the things on the list you need to work on, but I am a little short on time right now. I'll get back to you. That might not be until after UD apologizes to me, though.

(Seriously, I also endorse this thread.)

[LA Ute]

I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean.

. (You owe me no apologies.)

[Indy Coug]

I endorse this thread. I need to work on several of those points myself.

I failed in my attempts to change UD's tone.

[cowboy]

I'll add another, if I may:

Present your opinions as opinions, and not as facts that only an idiot would dispute. Most of us break this rule, and some break it frequently, and I believe that it is the root of much of the friction encountered in the Foyer.

[clackamascoug]

I'm a little tone deaf, and noticed when I first started here, that people assumed the worst from me when my intention has always been positive. I think as time's gone by, people understand me better, and either ignore me, or write me off as an idiot. Perhaps that's why after 10 months, I've only had 65o something post's. I'm trying to fit in without sticking out.

I'm disappointed in Indy though, and if if was sitting on my couch, I would fetch a bar of soap and help him wash his mouth out.

[Indy Coug]

I'm a little tone deaf, and noticed when I first started here, that people assumed the worst from me when my intention has always been positive. I think as time's gone by, people understand me better, and either ignore me, or write me off as an idiot. Perhaps that's why after 10 months, I've only had 65o something post's. I'm trying to fit in without sticking out.

I'm disappointed in Indy though, and if if was sitting on my couch, I would fetch a bar of soap and help him wash his mouth out.

[LA Ute]

I'm a little tone deaf, and noticed when I first started here, that people assumed the worst from me when my intention has always been positive. I think as time's gone by, people understand me better, and either ignore me, or write me off as an idiot. Perhaps that's why after 10 months, I've only had 65o something post's. I'm trying to fit in without sticking out.

I'm disappointed in Indy though, and if if was sitting on my couch, I would fetch a bar of soap and help him wash his mouth out.

A lot of folks have commented that getting used to this place takes some time. I think that is a reflection of its uniqueness and its attraction. On reflection, though, I wonder if we shouldn't make an effort to be a little more welcoming to new folks and recognize what an unusual environment we've created here.

[Indy Coug]

On reflection, though, I wonder if we shouldn't make an effort to be a little more welcoming to new folks and recognize what an unusual environment we've created here.

You can't be all things to all people, and when you do, it ends up diluting what it is that makes you "successful" to begin with.