How to handle a trials

[Art Vandelay]

The assigned speakers for tomorrow canceled at the last minute so I'm going to pinch hit. I have over 500 active members in my ward (we should split the week after conference) but many feel very isolated and alone when they go through trials. In a ward of this size it is easy to look around at all the other "perfect families" while being only too aware of our own faults and shortcomings. I'm especially concerned about those going through trials of faith and would like to give words of encouragement. As spiritually helpful the primary answers of read, pray, and attend the temple can be, I would like to talk more than just about doing what everyone already knows they should be doing.

My goal is to encourage, uplift, and possibly comfort those who need it, but as with many things with this calling I feel inadequate. Any thoughts or suggestions?

[CardiacCoug]

I don't have anything profound to offer. I like the saying "This too shall pass" and think it's good to remember that whether our current situation in life is terrible or great that things usually change before too long. The history of the saying on Wikipedia is kind of interesting.

[ame="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_too_shall_pass"]This too shall pass - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia@@AMEPARAM@@/wiki/File:Question_book-new.svg" class="image"><img alt="Question book-new.svg" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/99/Question_book-new.svg/50px-Question_book-new.svg.png"@@AMEPARAM@@en/thumb/9/99/Question_book-new.svg/50px-Question_book-new.svg.png[/ame]

[All-American]

The assigned speakers for tomorrow canceled at the last minute so I'm going to pinch hit. I have over 500 active members in my ward (we should split the week after conference) but many feel very isolated and alone when they go through trials. In a ward of this size it is easy to look around at all the other "perfect families" while being only too aware of our own faults and shortcomings. I'm especially concerned about those going through trials of faith and would like to give words of encouragement. As spiritually helpful the primary answers of read, pray, and attend the temple can be, I would like to talk more than just about doing what everyone already knows they should be doing.

My goal is to encourage, uplift, and possibly comfort those who need it, but as with many things with this calling I feel inadequate. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Pick one supposedly perfect family and then dress them down. Tell the ward everything that's wrong with them. Accuse the husband of porn addiction and other "unconfessed" sins. If things start to get a little too tense, declare that it was all a test and say that he passed.

[Non Sequitur]

I was at a family dinner once and my young, just married niece was going on and on about how difficult her life was. At some point I told her that she would never be truly happy until she learned to embrace her misery.

You can use that, and you don't even need to give me attribution.

[wuapinmon]

The assigned speakers for tomorrow canceled at the last minute so I'm going to pinch hit. I have over 500 active members in my ward (we should split the week after conference) but many feel very isolated and alone when they go through trials. In a ward of this size it is easy to look around at all the other "perfect families" while being only too aware of our own faults and shortcomings. I'm especially concerned about those going through trials of faith and would like to give words of encouragement. As spiritually helpful the primary answers of read, pray, and attend the temple can be, I would like to talk more than just about doing what everyone already knows they should be doing.

My goal is to encourage, uplift, and possibly comfort those who need it, but as with many things with this calling I feel inadequate. Any thoughts or suggestions?

You've read this board enough to know what those suffering trials of faith need to hear. Tell them you love them, that it's okay to bear a testimony and not say, "I know this blah blah blah," that people have doubts from time to time, that you can find any number of experts "on the subject" via google, but that what should matter most is the feelings of the Spirit, that some people struggle to feel the Spirit, and even when they do what they're "supposed to do" they still can't feel it, that you don't believe that people who doubt do so because they have a sin they need to confess.

See what I mean. If you give that talk, the people you are trying to reach, those with a trial of faith, are going to feel the inspiration and the love coming from you.

That's a talk that changes lives. Talking about porn or tithing will be forgotten faster than a waiter's name after you've left Shoney's.

[pellegrino]

Art, there were three things that kept me going during the worst of my faith crisis.

1. The love my wife and daughters showed to me. My wife was very threatened by the issues I was bringing up, but she was (and has continued to be) patient and did not jump to any hasty conclusions. Our second was born during this time and it was very helpful to prepare for her baby blessing. I don't know that it's because I was "exercising my priesthood" but rather because it allowed me to have an intimate, spiritual experience with my family.

2. John Dehlin's Mormon Stories podcasts. He has an essay out there that's geared towards helping people stay. You might borrow from it.

http://staylds.com/docs/HowToStay.html

3. Serving others. It helped a lot to realize that I have a strong drive to serve others and that church helped satisfy that need. I can look past all the minefields found in church history and the incorporated culture of church administration when I focus on serving others with no expectation of reward. There is a lot of good in the Church and a lot of good that can be done by members helping others.

If you really want to have a lasting effect on those who might be disaffected, throw them a bone and say something to acknowledge church's and its leader's fallibility. Even if it's in a small, subtle way it would do a lot for those who are struggling to acknowledge that the church and its leaders have always been and will always be imperfect.

[thesaint258]

The hard truth of it is that when you're in the really hard trials that really push you lightyears past your limits, the only thing you can do is hunker down until it's over. As someone who's been going through one of those trials for nearly three years now, I have some experience with it. I've been in that place where I've seriously considering suicide. I've been in that place where my greatest achievement in a day was getting out of bed and walking to the couch to watch TV. It's hard, it sucks, and sometimes there isn't anything you or anyone else can do about it. The only thing that "comforted" (it wasn't much comfort) me was the thought that the scriptures only say that we are supposed to endure to the end, not endure to the end well. If the best a person can manage is getting up and watching TV, that's all you can do. You can't worry about the other stuff. Over time, you'll be able to actually eat a meal, clean your room, run an errand, etc. The refiner's fire isn't pretty--it's pretty awful really--but I really don't think that the Lord expects people who are in such dark places to do any more than they physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally can. If the best you can do is get up and eat breakfast before going back to bed, that's good enough, and at some point (which could be really, really far down the road) you'll be able to do a little more and a little more.

[Art Vandelay]

As tempting as AA suggestion is, I think will bring up some of the things each of you are suggesting. Something I have always told the youth, my own kids included, is it is ok to have doubts. Similar to teenagers being attracted to the opposite sex, it is normal and I think natural to have some doubts in life. I have always tried to focus on what I know and not dwell as much on what I don't know (I will have to search to see what SU called that. Something like embracing ignorance).

<intermission> My wife sent me to Dairy Queen for peanut buster parfaits...

I have never seen this video before. I was very touched by the phrase, "I am not my body".

[YOUTUBE]KHDvxPjsm8E[/YOUTUBE]

I don't have anything profound to offer. I like the saying "This too shall pass" and think it's good to remember that whether our current situation in life is terrible or great that things usually change before too long. The history of the saying on Wikipedia is kind of interesting.

This too shall pass - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Very cool, I think I will incorporate this into my talk somehow.

[wuapinmon]

Please tell us what you said, how it went, etc.