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Not sure that this even belongs in the "Foyer," but it does touch on LDS themes so I thought I'd put it here.
I'll tell you all the situation and look forward to hearing your comments.
I'm so fuming mad right now that I hope my depiction of the situation is coherent.
Just now I heard my wife on the phone with my MIL. As a result of what was being said, I got curious and asked for some details of what was going on.
It appears that my BIL, who is 29 and has never had a girlfriend, and is suspected to have never "kissed a girl" was in a serious "friendship" with a girl. The girl was being very attentive to him. She was writing a lot of emails, texting, calling, etc.
My MIL and at least one SIL, behind my BIL's back, are vocal that they think he has SSA.
There is very little evidence to support this. They know he hasn't had a girlfriend and they suspect he's never kissed a girl. However, they have no evidence that he is gay, either. There is zero evidence that he's ever kissed a male or had a boyfriend.
My MIL, for reasons beyond my understanding, likes to, behind his back and unknown to my BIL, tell people that she found an LDS book that deals with many issues including SSA.
It should be noted that NOBODY, including my mother in law, has ever had the balls to talk to him about this. My MIL also found a men's fitness magazine. A FITNESS MAGAZINE!
Now, she's already got one son that is outwardly touts his SSA and participates in the SS lifestyle, so maybe she's hyper-reactive to such things. Also, it's very possible that this book was related to the outwardly gay son, prior to his leaving the LDS community.
Anyway, my BIL has been in this relationship with this girl. Apparently, he's not reciprocating, or at least, he's aloof to her advances. However, they are very close friends, to say the very least.
So, at some point, my MIL took it upon herself to tell this girl that my BIL may be gay. Without any more than supposition. And, they were not dating.
She says that she thought the girl should know because she was looking for temple marriage and she didn't want her to be disappointed.
I got into a row with my wife over it. I said it was absolute bullshit that her mother would tell ANYONE this without having absolute knowledge of my brother in laws tendencies/actions, without HIS PERMISSION and without him even being in a relationship that was anywhere near the level of being close to a temple marriage, let alone any marriage.
She then drops the bomb, IMO, that if her mother hadn't told this friend, that she or one of the sisters would have.
I am beside myself. She sees NO reason why this is verboten.
She says she would want to know if she was dating a guy that was gay or had SSA.
I said, 1) They weren't dating 2) He's an adult, he can deal with his relationships. To this point, he hasn't had a girlfriend, so apparently, one way or another he isn't capable or interested in marriage 3) NOBODY EVEN KNOWS IF THIS IS TRUE! (Because nobody has the balls to talk to him about it!) 4) It's HIS decision to make it known to people about his feelings and tendencies IF they exist, not his meddling family.
I also said, hey, he might actually be into animals, seeing as he's never been known to be physical or in a relationship with ANY human! Might as well warn the girl about that, too!
So, am I crazy for being appalled at this behavior from my MIL and the seeming complicity of my wife and sisters in law on this issue?
*edit* This kid is an active LDS kid. Went on a full mission. Goes to church every week. Wears his garments, etc., etc., etc....
I'll tell you all the situation and look forward to hearing your comments.
I'm so fuming mad right now that I hope my depiction of the situation is coherent.
Just now I heard my wife on the phone with my MIL. As a result of what was being said, I got curious and asked for some details of what was going on.
It appears that my BIL, who is 29 and has never had a girlfriend, and is suspected to have never "kissed a girl" was in a serious "friendship" with a girl. The girl was being very attentive to him. She was writing a lot of emails, texting, calling, etc.
My MIL and at least one SIL, behind my BIL's back, are vocal that they think he has SSA.
There is very little evidence to support this. They know he hasn't had a girlfriend and they suspect he's never kissed a girl. However, they have no evidence that he is gay, either. There is zero evidence that he's ever kissed a male or had a boyfriend.
My MIL, for reasons beyond my understanding, likes to, behind his back and unknown to my BIL, tell people that she found an LDS book that deals with many issues including SSA.
It should be noted that NOBODY, including my mother in law, has ever had the balls to talk to him about this. My MIL also found a men's fitness magazine. A FITNESS MAGAZINE!
Now, she's already got one son that is outwardly touts his SSA and participates in the SS lifestyle, so maybe she's hyper-reactive to such things. Also, it's very possible that this book was related to the outwardly gay son, prior to his leaving the LDS community.
Anyway, my BIL has been in this relationship with this girl. Apparently, he's not reciprocating, or at least, he's aloof to her advances. However, they are very close friends, to say the very least.
So, at some point, my MIL took it upon herself to tell this girl that my BIL may be gay. Without any more than supposition. And, they were not dating.
She says that she thought the girl should know because she was looking for temple marriage and she didn't want her to be disappointed.
I got into a row with my wife over it. I said it was absolute bullshit that her mother would tell ANYONE this without having absolute knowledge of my brother in laws tendencies/actions, without HIS PERMISSION and without him even being in a relationship that was anywhere near the level of being close to a temple marriage, let alone any marriage.
She then drops the bomb, IMO, that if her mother hadn't told this friend, that she or one of the sisters would have.
I am beside myself. She sees NO reason why this is verboten.
She says she would want to know if she was dating a guy that was gay or had SSA.
I said, 1) They weren't dating 2) He's an adult, he can deal with his relationships. To this point, he hasn't had a girlfriend, so apparently, one way or another he isn't capable or interested in marriage 3) NOBODY EVEN KNOWS IF THIS IS TRUE! (Because nobody has the balls to talk to him about it!) 4) It's HIS decision to make it known to people about his feelings and tendencies IF they exist, not his meddling family.
I also said, hey, he might actually be into animals, seeing as he's never been known to be physical or in a relationship with ANY human! Might as well warn the girl about that, too!
So, am I crazy for being appalled at this behavior from my MIL and the seeming complicity of my wife and sisters in law on this issue?
*edit* This kid is an active LDS kid. Went on a full mission. Goes to church every week. Wears his garments, etc., etc., etc....
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