It's not often that I feel the need to get up and share my beliefs with the congregation, but today I found myself doing exactly that. It's not that I suffer from glossophobia, rather the feelings and beliefs I have about God, Jesus Christ, and the church are very complex, not easily articulated and tied to deeply felt emotions that I don't fully understand myself. I don't share stories, I don't wax poetic. I am direct, deliberate, and to the point. If it weren't for the fact that I have difficulty in controlling my emotions I would be on the stand for all of 60 seconds or less. After the meeting, it invariably happens that no less than five people I do not know approach me or see me in the hall and say "I really appreciated your testimony." I get the same response when I give a formal talk.
This is a common compliment in our church and I understand why it is offered freely, I just don't like it when it is directed toward me. I have my reasons, first and foremost because I feel some offer it in vain. They see me in my emotional state and not knowing what to say, it just comes out, almost a form of undesired consolation. Second, the prideful side of me (with which I am in constant battle) is pleased by these compliments and when they come it provides a sickening form of gratification that I find that revolting. I am reminded of Christ's description of the hypocrites who pray to be seen by others and in doing so they receive their reward. Such a thought makes me feel very uncomfortable. In short, I do my best to leave meetings where I participate quickly and quietly so as to avoid contact. I'd rather that nobody talk to me than receive a compliment like that. It's probably one of the reasons I avoid sharing publicly, and perhaps the reason I rarely compliment others' talks or testimonies.
Today, something different happened. I was trying to get out of Dodge when a sister with whom I sing in the choir approached me. She could not speak. She was overcome. All she could do was mouth the words "Thank you" as she extended her hand to shake mine and then quickly left. At that I really had to get out of there fast too or risk becoming emotional in front of everyone again. Nonetheless, I was touched at her sincerity and it caused me to reconsider my attitude towards compliments about testimonies or talks. In talking about it with my wife, I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I've been wrong in judging others' reasons for offering compliments, which is what caused me to post about it here.
Do you give or receive compliments like that? If you give them why do you do so? If you get them, how do you respond and how do they make you feel?
This is a common compliment in our church and I understand why it is offered freely, I just don't like it when it is directed toward me. I have my reasons, first and foremost because I feel some offer it in vain. They see me in my emotional state and not knowing what to say, it just comes out, almost a form of undesired consolation. Second, the prideful side of me (with which I am in constant battle) is pleased by these compliments and when they come it provides a sickening form of gratification that I find that revolting. I am reminded of Christ's description of the hypocrites who pray to be seen by others and in doing so they receive their reward. Such a thought makes me feel very uncomfortable. In short, I do my best to leave meetings where I participate quickly and quietly so as to avoid contact. I'd rather that nobody talk to me than receive a compliment like that. It's probably one of the reasons I avoid sharing publicly, and perhaps the reason I rarely compliment others' talks or testimonies.
Today, something different happened. I was trying to get out of Dodge when a sister with whom I sing in the choir approached me. She could not speak. She was overcome. All she could do was mouth the words "Thank you" as she extended her hand to shake mine and then quickly left. At that I really had to get out of there fast too or risk becoming emotional in front of everyone again. Nonetheless, I was touched at her sincerity and it caused me to reconsider my attitude towards compliments about testimonies or talks. In talking about it with my wife, I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I've been wrong in judging others' reasons for offering compliments, which is what caused me to post about it here.
Do you give or receive compliments like that? If you give them why do you do so? If you get them, how do you respond and how do they make you feel?
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