Comparing to CougarBoard

[KillerDog]

I made the following post on CB: http://www.cougarboard.com/noframes/...tml?id=5506475
I would like to see responses to the same post on Cougaruteforum. BTW, this is under religion over here because it is a topic heavily steeped in religion and because the person who precipitated it was an LDS convert his wife was/is and LDS person as well. CB won't let me post on religion because I riled people up too much.

[Surfah]

Why not post the same thing here instead of a link to CB? I hate following links to CB.

[KillerDog]

Why not post the same thing here instead of a link to CB? I hate following links to CB.

I'm sorry.

I have a friend who recently admitted to himself and his wife that he is "gay". He and his wife have a son. They have worked out an arrangement where he continues to live there and "parent" their child but they no longer have a sexual relationship. He has also started participating in the "gay lifestyle" outside the home. These events have gotten me thinking about how we define "gay". Was my buddy always gay because he was attracted to men or did he become gay once he started performing gay acts? How do/should we define things like attractions and desires? Are we defined by what we do or what we think? As you can tell, there are many corrolaries to this topic.

[il Padrino Ute]

The first thing that comes to my mind is why he and his wife don't do the right thing and divorce?

[Flystripper]

Only your buddy could answer if he was always gay. However, he was gay long before he ever came out and acted out.

[Flystripper]

The first thing that comes to my mind is why he and his wife don't do the right thing and divorce?

Is that the right thing? If they are unhappy then yes it is probably the right thing. However, K-dog's post did not indicate if they were unhappy.

[jay santos]

I'm sorry.

I have a friend who recently admitted to himself and his wife that he is "gay". He and his wife have a son. They have worked out an arrangement where he continues to live there and "parent" their child but they no longer have a sexual relationship. He has also started participating in the "gay lifestyle" outside the home. These events have gotten me thinking about how we define "gay". Was my buddy always gay because he was attracted to men or did he become gay once he started performing gay acts? How do/should we define things like attractions and desires? Are we defined by what we do or what we think? As you can tell, there are many corrolaries to this topic.

1. probably always gay but you need to define gay to answer the question
2. too broad, be more specific
3. both

[KillerDog]

The first thing that comes to my mind is why he and his wife don't do the right thing and divorce?

She doesn't want to divorce. She would rather have him as a friend in her home helping to raise their son. Basically, she will take any part of him he is willing to give.

[wuapinmon]

Homosexual = attracted to same sex.
Practicing Homosexual = having sex with same sex.

Heterosexual = attracted to opposite sex.
Practicing Heterosexual = having sex with opposite sex.

Bisexual = attracted to same sex and opposite sex.
Practicing Bisexual = having sex with members of either sex, or having sex with only the same or opposite, but also interested in sex with the other.

Bicurious = homosexual sex once; didn't like it.

Trysexual = attracted to friction, regardless of the source.
Practicing Trysexual = Sure, I'll try it.

[KillerDog]

Is that the right thing? If they are unhappy then yes it is probably the right thing. However, K-dog's post did not indicate if they were unhappy.

I think they both like the arrangement. She would prefer him to be straight and in love with her but she thinks having him out of her life would be worse than what she has. He views it similarly.

[il Padrino Ute]

Is that the right thing? If they are unhappy then yes it is probably the right thing. However, K-dog's post did not indicate if they were unhappy.

I'll admit that IMO, it's the right thing. He's committing adultery even if she has given the ok to do it and the child will be growing up in a home where actions are teaching him that adultery is ok. Should the wife choose to pursue a relationship outside the marriage, it would be just as wrong.

I guess I'm old fashioned in that way.

[clackamascoug]

The wife is a dishonest person. I'd divorce her just for that.

The actions of the husband are beyond my security clearance.

[jay santos]

The first thing that comes to my mind is why he and his wife don't do the right thing and divorce?

You're certain you know what is "right" for this random couple where you've read one paragraph about their lives?

[KillerDog]

The wife is a dishonest person. I'd divorce her just for that.

The actions of the husband are beyond my security clearance.

Wow, I never got to that conclusion. Why do you think she must be dishonest? I think she is pathetic but not dishonest.

[byu71]

A tough situation for your friend and his family. I hope they find a way to work through it and end up living happy lives. My guess is there is no hard and fast answer as each situation like this, is different than this.

If it were me, I would seek professional advice. I always say that since my therapist helped me to permanently detach from my last relationship, so I am very pro getting good professional advice.