LDS Urban Legends

[DrumNFeather]

Female member of the church seduces at least 10 missionaries in a certain mission. Each missionary is sent home and exed and the sister gets very little in the way of discipline.

[smokymountainrain]

Another one.....superlative claims by any particular RM about his/her mission.

My mission taught the most discussions in the world/had the most baptisims/etc

Seems like every other missionary made that claim about the mission and yet I don't remember having any access to these stats on such a real-time basis.

Hasn't every RM had a gun pulled on him, served in the most crime-ridden area in the world, had to eat cockroaches for breakfast and slept on dirt floors in -30 degree temperatures without a blanket?

[cougjunkie]

Two I just thought of:

Patriarchal Blessing states that you will die in a great and abominable war defending the church.

A guy gets his PB at 16, goes to the MTC and they have a Patriarch there for those who have never received it. Kid decides he wants to see how accurate his PB is, so he tells them he has never received one. Goes in sits down, Patriarch places his hands on his head, they all close their eyes, and Patriarch says something along the lines of "Those that mock God will perish." Kid freaks out.

[RC Vikings]

There was also an elder who transferred to our mission from the Boston mission. As rumor would have it, it was because there were several districts in the Boston mission that, in order to increase the spirituality at district meetings, would conduct all of their meetings wearing only their garments. Sisters, of course, were present. An offense apparently not severe enough to be sent home, only demoted to the Toronto mission.

The thought of this made me smile. The guys wearing extra long ties to cover their excitement of another district meeting and the sisters wearing their panty hose over their g's because that is a look that just can't be beat.

[PaloAltoCougar]

Woman bears weepy testimony about her husband's badly injured scrotum. He was given a blessing. Doctors worked hard on scrotum, and with blessing, scrotum much better now. Husband's restored scrotum due to blessings of the spirit. Woman sits down.

Husband walks to podium to bear testimony. Simply says, "It was my STERNUM."

I so want to believe that story was true. Any witnesses?

[cougjunkie]

Woman bears weepy testimony about her husband's badly injured scrotum. He was given a blessing. Doctors worked hard on scrotum, and with blessing, scrotum much better now. Husband's restored scrotum due to blessings of the spirit. Woman sits down.

Husband walks to podium to bear testimony. Simply says, "It was my STERNUM."

I so want to believe that story was true. Any witnesses?

That has been posted on CB so many times. The funny thing is people would tell first hand accounts of it.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Woman bears weepy testimony about her husband's badly injured scrotum. He was given a blessing. Doctors worked hard on scrotum, and with blessing, scrotum much better now. Husband's restored scrotum due to blessings of the spirit. Woman sits down.

Husband walks to podium to bear testimony. Simply says, "It was my STERNUM."

I so want to believe that story was true. Any witnesses?

The version I hear quite a bit has a little kid bearing testimony about how the whole family is trying to stop saying the F-word and the S-word. Parent quickly jumps up and clarifies: "fart" and "stupid".

[Guest]

Woman bears weepy testimony about her husband's badly injured scrotum. He was given a blessing. Doctors worked hard on scrotum, and with blessing, scrotum much better now. Husband's restored scrotum due to blessings of the spirit. Woman sits down.

Husband walks to podium to bear testimony. Simply says, "It was my STERNUM."

I so want to believe that story was true. Any witnesses?

Same story but with sister missionary and embarazar (embarrass) /
embarazada (pregnant)

[creekster]

There was also an elder who transferred to our mission from the Boston mission. As rumor would have it, it was because there were several districts in the Boston mission that, in order to increase the spirituality at district meetings, would conduct all of their meetings wearing only their garments. Sisters, of course, were present. An offense apparently not severe enough to be sent home, only demoted to the Toronto mission.

So I guess whatever you did to get sent to the punishment mission was in the pre-existence?

[TripletDaddy]

That has been posted on CB so many times. The funny thing is people would tell first hand accounts of it.

similar urban legend....

everyone is in a class or large meeting (ranges from seminary to stake conference). a guy falls asleep in the meeting. His friend nudges him and tells him he was just asked to say the closing prayer. Guy goes up and says the closing prayer in the middle of the meeting.

I have even heard a version where Steve Young was the jokester that nudged his buddy to go say the prayer.

[BlueHair]

MTC ones....

2. MTC President is driving around at night again. Drives by MTC and sees all these evil spirits trying to get in.....but they are being kept at bay by a bunch of angels. Missionaries are sleeping peacefully throughout all of this ordeal.

I heard this in the MTC. The MTC President saw a cheribum and a flaming sword in front of each door and window of the MTC. Across the street on the temple lawn, he witnessed the Army of Helaman fighting Satan's army. I remember thinking the president should stop taking the magic mushrooms.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

A woman in my ward read it in her talk in church. It was awful.

When I was WML we had a really great guy get baptized, he was assigned to be my HT partner. One month he asked if he could give the lesson, I was thrilled and of course said yes. I picked him up and we drove out to one of our families houses and he started to read this story, then gave out photo copies he had made to everyone kids, parents, me. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry.

[BigPiney]

similar urban legend....

everyone is in a class or large meeting (ranges from seminary to stake conference). a guy falls asleep in the meeting. His friend nudges him and tells him he was just asked to say the closing prayer. Guy goes up and says the closing prayer in the middle of the meeting.

I have even heard a version where Steve Young was the jokester that nudged his buddy to go say the prayer.

I have heard this one for my current ward. The old guy got up, supposedly, after the rest hymn and said the closing prayer. I have heard from 3 different people about the same guy, now deceased.

[TripletDaddy]

More and more coming back to me.....this one is an older one.

random member listening in sac meeting using those headphones that you can plug into the wall (i never see these anymore, do people remember these babies? were they for the hearing impaired or something?).

meanwhile, two priests are prepping sacrament table and they don't know that the mic is on. One priest brags to the other priest about his sexual conquest that weekend (sometimes drugs or alcohol).

The person with the headphones hears their conversation through the headphones and goes up and tells the Bishop. Priest gets busted. Sanctity of the Sacrament is preserved.

[myboynoah]

Same story but with sister missionary and embarazar (embarrass) /
embarazada (pregnant)

I had a guy tell me that happened in his mission.