A morality/repentance/etc hypothetical for CUF...

[statman]

You are a 23 yo male who had some issues with morality as a 17 yo teenager (ie you had sex with your girlfriend). Since then, you've repented, been ordained to the Melch. Priesthood, been to the temple, been on a mission, and come back to BYU and graduated.

You have just proposed to your girlfriend. As a precondition of her accepting your offer, she wants to know for sure whether or not you are still a virgin. There's no indication that if she finds out you're not, it's a deal breaker. But she wants to know the answer.

What do you do?

[jay santos]

You are a 23 yo male who had some issues with morality as a 17 yo teenager (ie you had sex with your girlfriend). Since then, you've repented, been ordained to the Melch. Priesthood, been to the temple, been on a mission, and come back to BYU and graduated.

You have just proposed to your girlfriend. As a precondition of her accepting your offer, she wants to know for sure whether or not you are still a virgin. There's no indication that if she finds out you're not, it's a deal breaker. But she wants to know the answer.

What do you do?

This isn't a morality/repentance issue to me. It's a relationship issue. Seriously, I would recommend they take the issue to a marriage counselor. The girl's got to figure out why it's important for her to know the answer. And the guy's got to figure out why he would be tempted to lie about it.

[Fiyero]

Lie to her! It's best to always tell her what she wants to hear.

If someday she finds out about the lie, lie all the more to cover it up.

Hey will there be champagne at the reception? Can I come?

[cowboy]

You are a 23 yo male who had some issues with morality as a 17 yo teenager (ie you had sex with your girlfriend). Since then, you've repented, been ordained to the Melch. Priesthood, been to the temple, been on a mission, and come back to BYU and graduated.

You have just proposed to your girlfriend. As a precondition of her accepting your offer, she wants to know for sure whether or not you are still a virgin. There's no indication that if she finds out you're not, it's a deal breaker. But she wants to know the answer.

What do you do?

A couple of thoughts:

1) If the Lord has forgiven him, who the hell does she think she is that she can't?

2) Why would he want to live with a woman who doesn't believe in forgiveness?

3) Why would she ask? I like to pretend my wife's first kiss was me (not much of an exaggeration, but still,) and I'm none the wiser. The past is the past.

[TripletDaddy]

A couple of thoughts:

1) If the Lord has forgiven him, who the hell does she think she is that she can't?

2) Why would he want to live with a woman who doesn't believe in forgiveness?

3) Why would she ask? I like to pretend my wife's first kiss was me (not much of an exaggeration, but still,) and I'm none the wiser. The past is the past.

based on his hypo, forgiveness isn't relevant. you are projecting. he said that there is no indication that the response is a deal breaker.

The woman may have issues, but based on the hypo, we have no idea whether forgiveness is one of them.

The Lord values forgiveness as much as He values honesty, I would guess.

[statman]

based on his hypo, forgiveness isn't relevant. you are projecting. he said that there is no indication that the response is a deal breaker.

The woman may have issues, but based on the hypo, we have no idea whether forgiveness is one of them.

The Lord values forgiveness as much as He values honesty, I would guess.

I wouldn't think the Lord's forgiveness is an issue. He's been to the temple, been on a mission, etc. In hi current life, he's living right on and off the field. At this point he's "worthy." But she still wants the question answered.

Tell her or lie? Or just dodge the question...

[cowboy]

based on his hypo, forgiveness isn't relevant. you are projecting. he said that there is no indication that the response is a deal breaker.

The woman may have issues, but based on the hypo, we have no idea whether forgiveness is one of them.

The Lord values forgiveness as much as He values honesty, I would guess.

I misread. I thought it was a deal breaker, and you're right that this is a sensitive subject for me.

[beefytee]

I wouldn't think the Lord's forgiveness is an issue. He's been to the temple, been on a mission, etc. In hi current life, he's living right on and off the field. At this point he's "worthy." But she still wants the question answered.

Tell her or lie? Or just dodge the question...

No -- dump the girl because she dumb for asking -- option?

I guess that falls under dodge the question.

[RC Vikings]

I think you've got to go with the bait and switch here. Tell her you were involved in a gay relationship for over a year and just as she is starting to walk away come back with the fact that you only had sex one other time with a girl a long time ago. She will be so relieved she won't even care about the one other time.

[Non Sequitur]

I would tell her the truth. I wouldn't want to be married to a women for whom that would be a deal-breaker. If it is an issue, best to find out before you're invested in the relationship.

[TripletDaddy]

I misread. I thought it was a deal breaker, and you're right that this is a sensitive subject for me.

it is a bizarre conversation all around.

It would be a strange question to ask as a precondition to marriage, even if the answer wouldn't sway the marriage acceptance one way or the other. Maybe the girl is paranoid about STDs or something.

[Maximus]

You are a 23 yo male who had some issues with morality as a 17 yo teenager (ie you had sex with your girlfriend). Since then, you've repented, been ordained to the Melch. Priesthood, been to the temple, been on a mission, and come back to BYU and graduated.

You have just proposed to your girlfriend. As a precondition of her accepting your offer, she wants to know for sure whether or not you are still a virgin. There's no indication that if she finds out you're not, it's a deal breaker. But she wants to know the answer.

What do you do?

Since he was repented and was forgiven, it means the sin is no more, correct?

[Color Me Badd Fan]

I think you answer the question because I find it hard to believe that eventually you won't have a conversation with her on the exact topic. I also find it hard to believe that two temple-worthy people engaged to each other wouldn't be curious and/or open about discussing these types of issues. With all the time you spend together while engaged, it just seems to me that eventually a conversation will take place when you talk about your levels of experience or lack thereof.

However it is odd that it could be a precondition to engagement. But my point is that eventually these conversations take place.

[cowboy]

it is a bizarre conversation all around.

It would be a strange question to ask as a precondition to marriage, even if the answer wouldn't sway the marriage acceptance one way or the other. Maybe the girl is paranoid about STDs or something.

I have friends with wild pasts who have had this conversation with their spouses, and it never ended well. One friend told his wife everything before they got married, and he told me it was one of the worst decisions he'd ever made. It affected their marriage for years.

I also know people who disapproved of their friends'/relatives' fiances because of the fiances' history even though they had changed their ways. Since I have a bit of history myself, that never fails to rile me up.

[byu71]

I would tell her I hadn't. If it ever was revealed, I would say the experience must have been so unmemorable I must have forgotten about it.