Kids and cell phones

[cowboy]

What age do you buy your kid a cell phone? I have a daughter who will turn 12 in a couple of weeks, and I'm thinking a cell phone for limited use may be appropriate. Volleyball practices, mutual, etc. require that she call us for rides, and it would be nice to be able to stay in contact with her when she goes on trips or over to friends' houses.

As far as rules, no matter the age, our kids will not be allowed to delete texts, they will be required to let us read their texts (not that we will, but the threat needs to be there), and the phone will go to bed with us when we do (These are rules that several of our friends have with their kids, and they seem to work well). Any other rules y'all suggest? Obviously, anyone can give their opinion, but don't be offended if I put more weight on the opinions of those who have actually raised kids and dealt with cell phone issues.

[Pheidippides]

What age do you buy your kid a cell phone? I have a daughter who will turn 12 in a couple of weeks, and I'm thinking a cell phone for limited use may be appropriate. Volleyball practices, mutual, etc. require that she call us for rides, and it would be nice to be able to stay in contact with her when she goes on trips or over to friends' houses.

As far as rules, no matter the age, our kids will not be allowed to delete texts, they will be required to let us read their texts (not that we will, but the threat needs to be there), and the phone will go to bed with us when we do (These are rules that several of our friends have with their kids, and they seem to work well). Any other rules y'all suggest? Obviously, anyone can give their opinion, but don't be offended if I put more weight on the opinions of those who have actually raised kids and dealt with cell phone issues.

We are considering the same approach for a daughter that is the same age (a year younger, actually). One addition that I am adding is the ability to track the phone. There are several ways to do this, not all of which I have figured out.

[SteelBlue]

How would you know if texts were being deleted? Would you take the time to match the phone up with the online records? I wanted to use that threat when my son was younger but it felt too empty.

The phone going to bed when you do is an excellent idea. It's amazing how late kids will text each other.

[New Mexican Disaster]

14 sounds about good to me. My 11 year old doesn't care at all about it (yet).

[cowboy]

How would you know if texts were being deleted? Would you take the time to match the phone up with the online records? I wanted to use that threat when my son was younger but it felt too empty.

The phone going to bed when you do is an excellent idea. It's amazing how late kids will text each other.

There is an easier way, but I'm not sure how - my BIL does it with his nephew. Other friends just spot check their kids' phones one or two days a week with the online bill. The kids could still delete a text here or there, but it greatly reduces the temptation for them to sext back and forth with their boyfriend/girlfriend. The parents also make sure that their kids' friends know that the texts are being monitored. I'm sure it doesn't eliminate racy texts, but I'm certain that it helps.

[Drunk Tank]

I have always been oppossed to buying my son a cell phone. He has asked for one for a couple years now. He turns 12 today. We had his party Saturday since I will be gone this weekend. Every single kid at his party had their own phone. So I guess it is time...

[creekster]

We adopted the ohine is in our hands at bedtime rule. As my kids' laptops proliferated I also adopted a wireless router goes off at bed time rule. Both of them worked reasonably well, AFAIK. Of course, I might have been hoodwinked by the rascals.

[TripletDaddy]

cowboy, no advice about age appropriateness, but there are various apps and websites that allow parents to monitor cell phone usage...including actual content of texts, emails, as well as notifications for incoming/outgoing phone calls and anything else. It is pretty easy to do.

[Paperback Writer]

I've got three teenagers in the house and another one in college. I don't get the monitoring text messages and I could easily do so if it came to that. In my view its a question of trust. I could also monitor phone conversations, internet use, TV/movie viewing, car travel, etc. Some familes choose all of the above and I don't have a problem with that. I've chosen none of the above and that has worked in my family.

My kids understand that trust is earned and that trust is a 2-way street. They have to earn my trust and I have to earn their trust. I'm not saying this is the best approach for every family - but its worth considering. I'd rather have my kid ask if he/she can watch an "R" rated movie than watching it and then worrying about getting caught or getting away with it. What's worse - that a kid has seen an adult seen or has broken your trust?

Although teenagers are not adults - they very soon will be. I've chosen to treat my teenage kids more like adults then to try to "babyproof" or monitor every behavior. If a parent is worried and somehow trying to "audit" against sexting...that's not the real problem. The real problem is that the teenager have a desire to express themself inappropriately. Confiscating a cell phone doesn't make the "real" problem go away.

[il Padrino Ute]

As our kids have reached junior high school, we've gotten them a phone for the reasons you stated. It's nice for them to be able to stay in contact if they need a ride or to ask us if they can go somewhere with their friends, etc. The wife and kids are on whatever plan my wife is on, so the minutes are shared and it doesn't allow them to use up too much time for mundane conversations with friends.

Now that the oldest daughter has graduated from high school and is working part time, she is responsible for her share of the bill. I'm not sure how my wife has decided how much the daughter pays each month, but she's really cut down on the use of her phone now that she shares some of the responsibility of paying for it.

[Soccermom]

What age do you buy your kid a cell phone? I have a daughter who will turn 12 in a couple of weeks, and I'm thinking a cell phone for limited use may be appropriate. Volleyball practices, mutual, etc. require that she call us for rides, and it would be nice to be able to stay in contact with her when she goes on trips or over to friends' houses.

As far as rules, no matter the age, our kids will not be allowed to delete texts, they will be required to let us read their texts (not that we will, but the threat needs to be there), and the phone will go to bed with us when we do (These are rules that several of our friends have with their kids, and they seem to work well). Any other rules y'all suggest? Obviously, anyone can give their opinion, but don't be offended if I put more weight on the opinions of those who have actually raised kids and dealt with cell phone issues.

We got our oldest son a cell phone when he was 11 because of so many activities and me not always being able to be there with him. We have the same rules you have, though, I do let my son keep his cell phone in his room at night at this time because he uses it as an alarm clock (his old alarm clock broke). I think I will replace that alarm clock STAT though. My son doesn't abuse his phone so far, and doesn't stay up late texting his friends, but I'll get texts from him after he has gone to bed. Below are some samples: (my son is 12 1/2 now btw)

Son: Can you bring me a bottled water?

Son: Can you come give me a hug and tuck me in?

Son: I heard a strange noise. Will you check it out?

Son: I can't sleep. Can I please stay up an extra hour?

Son: What's for breakfast tomorrow?

I love that he has the cell phone though. Every once in a while we will pay him to babysit for us. He texts me all kinds of updates. When Aristides and I went to Boston, my son was actually more responsible for keeping me filled in on the happenings with his siblings than my mother was! We gave him a basic phone. He really wanted a Droid. We told him earn your own money and pay for it yourself. So he did. Now he has a nicer Droid than me!

[TripletDaddy]

We got our oldest son a cell phone when he was 11 because of so many activities and me not always being able to be there with him. We have the same rules you have, though, I do let my son keep his cell phone in his room at night at this time because he uses it as an alarm clock (his old alarm clock broke). I think I will replace that alarm clock STAT though. My son doesn't abuse his phone so far, and doesn't stay up late texting his friends, but I'll get texts from him after he has gone to bed. Below are some samples: (my son is 12 1/2 now btw)

Son: Can you bring me a bottled water?

Son: Can you come give me a hug and tuck me in?

Son: I heard a strange noise. Will you check it out?

Son: I can't sleep. Can I please stay up an extra hour?

Son: What's for breakfast tomorrow?

I love that he has the cell phone though. Every once in a while we will pay him to babysit for us. He texts me all kinds of updates. When Aristides and I went to Boston, my son was actually more responsible for keeping me filled in on the happenings with his siblings than my mother was! We gave him a basic phone. He really wanted a Droid. We told him earn your own money and pay for it yourself. So he did. Now he has a nicer Droid than me!

ha. that is rad. I want to get the Puffy Check cell phones today!!

[The_Tick]

TK1 got a cell phone when she entered HS.
TK2 got one between 7th and 8th grade.

Rules that we have:

No internet. WiFi only.

No texting boys or phone calls with boys until you are 16. (This is a trust issue, and we trust em. Doing spot checks with the cell phone bill is the easiest.)

Thats about it. We have unlimited texting and unlimited mobile to mobile.

It is a greater blessing than a curse.

[kccougar]

I keep wondering when it will be time for my oldest. Frankly, I'm ready to buy him one, but he has shown absolutely no interest. He's 15 now. My 13-yr old son would love one but hasn't asked since he knows his older brother doesn't have a phone.

[Clark Addison]

Our age has been 14. Before that, our kids are much less often away from us. We have a daughter turning 13 this month, who has been agitating for one, but I think we'll hold off another year.

We're a little more lax on the rules than some of you. They have internet access and can keep them at night (though I turn off the router at about 10:00). We check the bill and I will occasionally look through the phones at texts, pics, etc., but not too often. We haven't had any real cell-phone related problems to this point.