Yesterday my wife was watching the kids of some very close friends while the wife is out of town. They have an exceptionally bright - if difficult - 8 year old son. I have known him for his entire life.
I would underscore the word "difficult" above if I wasn't too lazy to do it on my phone. He can be challenging, especially for people who are not his parents (so much so that it is regularly discussed by rank and file members at church in euphemistic terms).
Anyway, yesterday he saw fit to (a) whisper to my almost 10 year old daughter that my 5 year old is a "little shit" and then (b) teach the word "shit" to my 2.5 year old. I came home last night just as his dad - again, one of my closest friends - was picking him up.
This was really shocking to me because the concept of my friends using this word in any circumstance blows my mind. I suppose anything is possible, but in addition to being very genuine my friends are also very much on the straight and narrow. I've never heard them so much as speak ill of another person. The idea of profanity ever appearing in their home is laughable, and I expect there will be some stern talking-tos administered.
For our part, SHW had a brief conference on how to handle things at home. We both agreed that the only sensible course of action for the 2.5 year old (now prancing about the house singing "shit, shit, shit") was to try to stifle our laughs as best we could, and otherwise ignore her. The 5 year old "little shit" himself was oblivious, plus he'd already learned that word from me a year or more ago as students of my posts (read: Babs) will no doubt remember.
And then we decided to take a novel approach with my oldest daughter: why not just come clean, tell her all the usual bad words, let her ask questions, tell her what they mean, and get it all out on the table.
So I asked her to come help me set up some computer stuff in my room and we had an interesting - and yet not at all awkward conversation. I asked her to confirm the word that had been said today, and she (refusing to say it, even though I mad it clear that she wasn't in any trouble and and nothing she could say would change that) confirmed. She also confirmed that he already knew that word (which I knew) and that she had learned it from me (which I suspected). So we talked about all the other usual swear words and I told her where they came from and what they meant. She knew a good bit from all the books she reads but in a few cases didn't know they were considered profanity. I did cover the F-bomb but no other sexual things like cocksucker, and the c-word (which I find too vile to even type) was left right out. I told her that these are adult words that I do sometimes use because of my background, although I try not to. I told her there is a place and time to use words like these (which I truly believe) but it's not all the time or even often. I told her that these aren't things she should be sharing at school because it will get her and me and trouble (she understood this already, as apparently somebody has already been sent to the principal's office for using profanity).
This is consistent with our "you CAN handle the truth" approach to parenting. I'm interested to see what effect - if any - this has, and also to hear the approaches of other older parents to this topic.
I would underscore the word "difficult" above if I wasn't too lazy to do it on my phone. He can be challenging, especially for people who are not his parents (so much so that it is regularly discussed by rank and file members at church in euphemistic terms).
Anyway, yesterday he saw fit to (a) whisper to my almost 10 year old daughter that my 5 year old is a "little shit" and then (b) teach the word "shit" to my 2.5 year old. I came home last night just as his dad - again, one of my closest friends - was picking him up.
This was really shocking to me because the concept of my friends using this word in any circumstance blows my mind. I suppose anything is possible, but in addition to being very genuine my friends are also very much on the straight and narrow. I've never heard them so much as speak ill of another person. The idea of profanity ever appearing in their home is laughable, and I expect there will be some stern talking-tos administered.
For our part, SHW had a brief conference on how to handle things at home. We both agreed that the only sensible course of action for the 2.5 year old (now prancing about the house singing "shit, shit, shit") was to try to stifle our laughs as best we could, and otherwise ignore her. The 5 year old "little shit" himself was oblivious, plus he'd already learned that word from me a year or more ago as students of my posts (read: Babs) will no doubt remember.
And then we decided to take a novel approach with my oldest daughter: why not just come clean, tell her all the usual bad words, let her ask questions, tell her what they mean, and get it all out on the table.
So I asked her to come help me set up some computer stuff in my room and we had an interesting - and yet not at all awkward conversation. I asked her to confirm the word that had been said today, and she (refusing to say it, even though I mad it clear that she wasn't in any trouble and and nothing she could say would change that) confirmed. She also confirmed that he already knew that word (which I knew) and that she had learned it from me (which I suspected). So we talked about all the other usual swear words and I told her where they came from and what they meant. She knew a good bit from all the books she reads but in a few cases didn't know they were considered profanity. I did cover the F-bomb but no other sexual things like cocksucker, and the c-word (which I find too vile to even type) was left right out. I told her that these are adult words that I do sometimes use because of my background, although I try not to. I told her there is a place and time to use words like these (which I truly believe) but it's not all the time or even often. I told her that these aren't things she should be sharing at school because it will get her and me and trouble (she understood this already, as apparently somebody has already been sent to the principal's office for using profanity).
This is consistent with our "you CAN handle the truth" approach to parenting. I'm interested to see what effect - if any - this has, and also to hear the approaches of other older parents to this topic.
. We stress that the language is not for kids, and that learning how to censor yourself is a skill worth developing because of the potential consequences of your words.
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