mental distractions

[Heisenberg]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

[Babs]

Isn't he departing the virgin isles?

[BigFatMeanie]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

You've provided useful advice for someone about a month into marriage. On your wedding night, it's useless advice because no matter what you do it's gonna be pain for the lady and just way too stimulating for the gentleman.
Mental distractions are for when both of you are experienced enough that you can work up a nice rhythm.

On the first night, I would just say use plenty of lube, try to go slow, although you can't really "go" at all because it ain't gonna fit anyway, and don't feel bad when it turns out that you're not SuperLover - nobody is (except me, of course).

[statman]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

Do I dare do a google search on Memphis Raines?

[Heisenberg]

Do I dare do a google search on Memphis Raines?

nah, google "sway" instead. much nicer on the eyes.

[FN Phat]

nah, google "sway" instead. much nicer on the eyes.

In a "I don't wash my hair and am naughty" kind of way.

[YOhio]

i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

This. This will help.

http://www.cougaruteforum.com/showpost.php?p=401211&postcount=25

[landpoke]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

You're talking about him gettin' some, right? So what is the purpose of or need for your brother to be distracted?

[creekster]

I say mind your own business.

[marsupial]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

I am confused by your Shirley Raines reference.

[Green Lantern]

my younger brother, who is a little older by brigham's standard, is getting married. to my knowledge he doesn't have much experience in the twain shall become one flesh department. in hopes of not having his first year of marriage be a repeating memphis raines moment i gave him some nephi-like counsel. i recommended either doing math problems e.g. squaring all the prime numbers, counting backwards by 17 from 901, or just playing a round of golf in your head (doesn't always work as well since eventually you are going to make a putt).

i know how wise and experienced the knights of the round cuf table are. any other words of wisdom i can give the young jedi before he heads to the virgin islands?

Wow, the Memphis Raines reference made me laugh out loud. Kudos.

[marsupial]

Wow, the Memphis Raines reference made me laugh out loud. Kudos.

OK. I am stupid. Dr. Raines is the President of the University of Memphis. I kept thinking, did I miss some scandal about her. Never saw Gone in 60 seconds. It all makes sense now.

[falafel]

Wow, the Memphis Raines reference made me laugh out loud. Kudos.

I kept trying to refer back to Eleanor. Like he can't perform under pressure/when it counts.

[PaloAltoCougar]

A passage from Play It Again, Sam provided an embarrassingly close approximation of my technique in the early years.

Linda Christie: What were you thinking about while we were doing it?
Allan Felix: Willie Mays.
Linda Christie: Do you always think of baseball players when you make love?
Allan Felix: It keeps me going.
Linda Christie: Yeah, I couldn't figure out why you kept yelling "slide".

[Jeff Lebowski]

dead puppies