I've got several points to make, so bear with me here.
A) So, as a college professor, I am constantly astounded by the kinds of things kids put on their facebook pages for the whole world to see.
B) Yesterday, I see the following "status update" from the child (A current BYU student) of an arch-conservative home-schooling family in my parents' ward in Atlanta, "***** is having an Martin Luther King Jr. Day party, stop by for some chocolate cake in the shape of his head. It's BYODR (Bring Your Own Du Rag).
"
C) Several other people I know had made comments about how funny her idea was, and proposed addendums to the party, including a "march to her house."
D) Instead of scolding her privately for her tacit racism and signaling the presence of obtuseness and ignorance, due to the postings by other people I knew, and to hopefully shame them into taking the post down before word spread and the news latched hold of a "BYU students mock slain civil rights leader with chocolate cake and du rags" headline, I posted something along these lines (paraphrased) as a comment, "*****, I'm shocked at this level of ignorance from someone like you. Your parents would be appalled to see this. You are mocking one of the central figures of the civil rights movement, a man that many people revere for his efforts in support of the cause he championed and died for. You are a white girl from suburban Atlanta; you're civil rights have never been oppressed. Shame on all of you who thought this was funny. Take this down before it causes you big problems" and so on....that's not verbatim, but pretty close to what I was getting at.
E) She took the post down, and put up this defiant, eighteen-year-old response:
***** apologizes to those who were offended, but maintains that MLK JR doesn't deserve his own holiday. Rather, the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and ALL the people involved deserve to be recognized. MLK Jr was only a face. There should certainly be a holiday to celebrate and remember the Civil Rights Act of '64, but not one to celebrate MLK Jr. And, I'd like to reiterate my opinion that the Civil Rights Act of '64 was a great thing, but it would have happened with or without MLK Jr. The people who didn't get all the attention and praise are the ones that deserve the most respect--they paid the price without all the glory that MLK Jr got (for their efforts, mind you.)
F) She then sent me this private message,
Mac,
A couple things--
I'd like to apologize that my status offended you. The du rag comment was a little too far, I realize that.
But, I would like to be sure that you dont take that to mean that I've changed my opinion of the holiday, because I certainly have not. I think MLK Jr did not deserve the enormous amount of credit he got for his average involvement. Yes, he was the face of the movement, and I imagine he did inspire many people. However, I don't think his actions warrant a holiday in his name---I would gladly celebrate a holiday (in a less ridiculous way) that was, essentially, honoring all the people involved in the success of the Civil Rights movement. But, MLK Jr is a poor face to the black community.
Consider his many extramarital affairs. What kind of an example is he for young black men? A man who had no respect for marriage vows (or, more simply, personal commitments,) is put on a pedestal and celebrated. What message does that send to those young men? That disregarding proper behavior in relation to families and relationships is not only okay, but those who practice it are celebrated. Not for that particular action, but it is put on the back burner, as if much less important than anything else. And that isn't right. Civil rights are important. But, people have been enslaved and persecuted all through the ages. That hasn't stopped many of them from both working towards equality and living morally clean at the same time. Joseph Smith, for example, remained morally clean while trying to stop the persecution of the Mormons. And MLKJR was a Baptist minister. He knew adultery was breaking a commandment, no question about that.
I believe that many, many good--even great-- people were involved in the civil rights movement. I don't, and will not, believe that MLK Jr was one of them.
Sincerely,
***** ********
P.S. My parents know my opinions. That isn't to say they agree with all of them, but I'm considerably offended that you would presume to tell me what would disappoint my parents. You don't know their private opinions as I do. And, they could easily see what I said. I am facebook friends with both of them.
.................................................. .................................................. .
So, I haven't even gotten around to responding to her yet. But, I need to vent a little. I'm often overwhelmed by the racism amongst Mormons. We're supposed to know better. I can see her taking issue with MLKJ on issues like morals, but the other rhetoric she spouts, to me, is indicative of regurgitation of ideas and theories that her parents have espoused and that she has accepted without investing much thought. Now, I do realize that she is 18, but I know lots of people who are homeschooled who think the same way. I am completely opposed to homeschooling, in almost every case, because:
#1 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka Mormons) are already on the margins of society. People view us as an oddity because of our strict doctrines, behaviors, and very different beliefs. The enduring belief that we all practice polygamy, even though over 100 years have gone by since that practice was ended, supports this point. We don't (at least we shouldn't) work or merchandise on Sundays which means that we are always crimping our friends' style about get togethers and parties [that is assuming we actually make friends outside the church--a frequent problem among Utahns who settle in the "Mission Field"]. We don't smoke, which all would agree is a good thing. We don't drink which most would agree is good in moderation, but makes for awkward moments sometimes. The thing that offends some people the most is that we don't drink coffee or tea (especially in the South). Iced tea was what I drank every day before I was baptized a member of the church. It courses through the veins of the South. We have been told since the 1830s to avoid it, that's why we don't drink it. Who knows how many chemicals, delicious delicious chemicals, it contains that might do us unknowable harm (It's the only thing I miss from my former life).
Dating someone who is not Mormon is discouraged, not because we can't marry outside the group, but because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where your morals might be compromised by your natural feelings of affection and love for someone who doesn't, necessarily, share you same morals (and no, I'm not saying that only Mormons are moral----hardly!). It's hard enough for Mormons not to have sex with each other before marriage (which some do, sadly), let alone when you throw someone without the same morals into the mix (Again, I'm not saying that non-Mormons don't have morals). When people heard that I had only ever kissed or had sex with my wife when I got married they thought three things:
A. He was too fat to ever get any action before (good thing I was too, cause otherwise I would've nailed anything that moved)
B. How could he marry someone without knowing if they were compatible in bed? (Easy, we had nothing to compare with and there's a huge learning curve)
C. That's just freaking weird!
A kid I went to high school with thought that we didn't eat salt. Megan Hobbs told everyone in my U.S. History class that we believe in predestination (ABSOLUTELY NOT). An episode of cheers had Rebecca Howe say "Why can't more men send flowers?" To which Norm said, "Mormons can't send flowers?" and Cliff responded with some kind of historical background about why we don't send flowers. The next day at school people started asking me, "Why can't Mormons send flowers?" Of course we send flowers. (Funniest Mormon joke of all time: Will Ferrell on SNL during the Salt Lake Olympics dressed as a missionary and skiing down the mountain next to an athlete asking him if he knew about the Church). These misperceptions of who we are and what we believe already mark us as different from a young age. The media do much to reinforce stereotypes of Mormons, which couldn't be further from the truth. Nevermind that Jesus Christ is the center and focus of our religion. We are on the fringe, the margin, and anything that makes us moreso should be avoided.
A) So, as a college professor, I am constantly astounded by the kinds of things kids put on their facebook pages for the whole world to see.
B) Yesterday, I see the following "status update" from the child (A current BYU student) of an arch-conservative home-schooling family in my parents' ward in Atlanta, "***** is having an Martin Luther King Jr. Day party, stop by for some chocolate cake in the shape of his head. It's BYODR (Bring Your Own Du Rag).
"
C) Several other people I know had made comments about how funny her idea was, and proposed addendums to the party, including a "march to her house."
D) Instead of scolding her privately for her tacit racism and signaling the presence of obtuseness and ignorance, due to the postings by other people I knew, and to hopefully shame them into taking the post down before word spread and the news latched hold of a "BYU students mock slain civil rights leader with chocolate cake and du rags" headline, I posted something along these lines (paraphrased) as a comment, "*****, I'm shocked at this level of ignorance from someone like you. Your parents would be appalled to see this. You are mocking one of the central figures of the civil rights movement, a man that many people revere for his efforts in support of the cause he championed and died for. You are a white girl from suburban Atlanta; you're civil rights have never been oppressed. Shame on all of you who thought this was funny. Take this down before it causes you big problems" and so on....that's not verbatim, but pretty close to what I was getting at.
E) She took the post down, and put up this defiant, eighteen-year-old response:
***** apologizes to those who were offended, but maintains that MLK JR doesn't deserve his own holiday. Rather, the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and ALL the people involved deserve to be recognized. MLK Jr was only a face. There should certainly be a holiday to celebrate and remember the Civil Rights Act of '64, but not one to celebrate MLK Jr. And, I'd like to reiterate my opinion that the Civil Rights Act of '64 was a great thing, but it would have happened with or without MLK Jr. The people who didn't get all the attention and praise are the ones that deserve the most respect--they paid the price without all the glory that MLK Jr got (for their efforts, mind you.)
F) She then sent me this private message,
Mac,
A couple things--
I'd like to apologize that my status offended you. The du rag comment was a little too far, I realize that.
But, I would like to be sure that you dont take that to mean that I've changed my opinion of the holiday, because I certainly have not. I think MLK Jr did not deserve the enormous amount of credit he got for his average involvement. Yes, he was the face of the movement, and I imagine he did inspire many people. However, I don't think his actions warrant a holiday in his name---I would gladly celebrate a holiday (in a less ridiculous way) that was, essentially, honoring all the people involved in the success of the Civil Rights movement. But, MLK Jr is a poor face to the black community.
Consider his many extramarital affairs. What kind of an example is he for young black men? A man who had no respect for marriage vows (or, more simply, personal commitments,) is put on a pedestal and celebrated. What message does that send to those young men? That disregarding proper behavior in relation to families and relationships is not only okay, but those who practice it are celebrated. Not for that particular action, but it is put on the back burner, as if much less important than anything else. And that isn't right. Civil rights are important. But, people have been enslaved and persecuted all through the ages. That hasn't stopped many of them from both working towards equality and living morally clean at the same time. Joseph Smith, for example, remained morally clean while trying to stop the persecution of the Mormons. And MLKJR was a Baptist minister. He knew adultery was breaking a commandment, no question about that.
I believe that many, many good--even great-- people were involved in the civil rights movement. I don't, and will not, believe that MLK Jr was one of them.
Sincerely,
***** ********
P.S. My parents know my opinions. That isn't to say they agree with all of them, but I'm considerably offended that you would presume to tell me what would disappoint my parents. You don't know their private opinions as I do. And, they could easily see what I said. I am facebook friends with both of them.
.................................................. .................................................. .
So, I haven't even gotten around to responding to her yet. But, I need to vent a little. I'm often overwhelmed by the racism amongst Mormons. We're supposed to know better. I can see her taking issue with MLKJ on issues like morals, but the other rhetoric she spouts, to me, is indicative of regurgitation of ideas and theories that her parents have espoused and that she has accepted without investing much thought. Now, I do realize that she is 18, but I know lots of people who are homeschooled who think the same way. I am completely opposed to homeschooling, in almost every case, because:
#1 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (aka Mormons) are already on the margins of society. People view us as an oddity because of our strict doctrines, behaviors, and very different beliefs. The enduring belief that we all practice polygamy, even though over 100 years have gone by since that practice was ended, supports this point. We don't (at least we shouldn't) work or merchandise on Sundays which means that we are always crimping our friends' style about get togethers and parties [that is assuming we actually make friends outside the church--a frequent problem among Utahns who settle in the "Mission Field"]. We don't smoke, which all would agree is a good thing. We don't drink which most would agree is good in moderation, but makes for awkward moments sometimes. The thing that offends some people the most is that we don't drink coffee or tea (especially in the South). Iced tea was what I drank every day before I was baptized a member of the church. It courses through the veins of the South. We have been told since the 1830s to avoid it, that's why we don't drink it. Who knows how many chemicals, delicious delicious chemicals, it contains that might do us unknowable harm (It's the only thing I miss from my former life).
Dating someone who is not Mormon is discouraged, not because we can't marry outside the group, but because you don't want to put yourself in a situation where your morals might be compromised by your natural feelings of affection and love for someone who doesn't, necessarily, share you same morals (and no, I'm not saying that only Mormons are moral----hardly!). It's hard enough for Mormons not to have sex with each other before marriage (which some do, sadly), let alone when you throw someone without the same morals into the mix (Again, I'm not saying that non-Mormons don't have morals). When people heard that I had only ever kissed or had sex with my wife when I got married they thought three things:
A. He was too fat to ever get any action before (good thing I was too, cause otherwise I would've nailed anything that moved)
B. How could he marry someone without knowing if they were compatible in bed? (Easy, we had nothing to compare with and there's a huge learning curve)
C. That's just freaking weird!
A kid I went to high school with thought that we didn't eat salt. Megan Hobbs told everyone in my U.S. History class that we believe in predestination (ABSOLUTELY NOT). An episode of cheers had Rebecca Howe say "Why can't more men send flowers?" To which Norm said, "Mormons can't send flowers?" and Cliff responded with some kind of historical background about why we don't send flowers. The next day at school people started asking me, "Why can't Mormons send flowers?" Of course we send flowers. (Funniest Mormon joke of all time: Will Ferrell on SNL during the Salt Lake Olympics dressed as a missionary and skiing down the mountain next to an athlete asking him if he knew about the Church). These misperceptions of who we are and what we believe already mark us as different from a young age. The media do much to reinforce stereotypes of Mormons, which couldn't be further from the truth. Nevermind that Jesus Christ is the center and focus of our religion. We are on the fringe, the margin, and anything that makes us moreso should be avoided.
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