LDS Family Services

[Swimmer]

Okay, due to some pretty serious family issues, I have been attending counseling sessions with LDS Family Services. It hasn't been the best experience, but it's not been bad. In fact, I have actually learned quite a bit about myself and have started to accept things a little better.

Anyway, last night the therapist made reference to the fact that he didn't think things were progressing very well with me. He said that he is paid with God's sacred funds and if I'm not trying hard enough to improve that it would be wrong to continue meeting. I was a little bothered, but I really felt like things have been going pretty well with him, and I didn't want to just give up. However, it was pretty clear that he no longer was interested in meeting with me. So, I got up, thanked him, and left as he was asking me if I was coming back next week. I basically ignored his question and went home.

I have really been working on not getting so easily offended, but it did bother me a little that he was mentioning where the money was coming from. It was almost like an attempt to make me feel guilty for not "getting better" more quickly. Now I don't know what to do. I guess I could go out and get my own therapist, but I really was starting to like this guy. Any suggestions?

[Surfah]

Okay, due to some pretty serious family issues, I have been attending counseling sessions with LDS Family Services. It hasn't been the best experience, but it's not been bad. In fact, I have actually learned quite a bit about myself and have started to accept things a little better.

Anyway, last night the therapist made reference to the fact that he didn't think things were progressing very well with me. He said that he is paid with God's sacred funds and if I'm not trying hard enough to improve that it would be wrong to continue meeting. I was a little bothered, but I really felt like things have been going pretty well with him, and I didn't want to just give up. However, it was pretty clear that he no longer was interested in meeting with me. So, I got up, thanked him, and left as he was asking me if I was coming back next week. I basically ignored his question and went home.

I have really been working on not getting so easily offended, but it did bother me a little that he was mentioning where the money was coming from. It was almost like an attempt to make me feel guilty for not "getting better" more quickly. Now I don't know what to do. I guess I could go out and get my own therapist, but I really was starting to like this guy. Any suggestions?

Therapy is a two way street. In order to receive any benefit from it you need to be invested and the therapist needs to be invested in you. I'd be honest with the therapist with whom you were meeting and tell them how you feel and that you felt like you were turning a corner with and tell him that you want to commit yourself to this and tell them that you expect the same out of him.

[beelzebabette]

Take the stupid moment, throw it out, and make another appointment if you think you're making progress with this guy and like him. If it becomes a recurring theme, look for help elsewhere. If you thought you were better off handling things on your own, you wouldn't have gone in the first place.

[FN Phat]

Therapy is a two way street. In order to receive any benefit from it you need to be invested and the therapist needs to be invested in you. I'd be honest with the therapist with whom you were meeting and tell them how you feel and that you felt like you were turning a corner with and tell him that you want to commit yourself to this and tell them that you expect the same out of him.

Great advice.

[Swimmer]

LDS Social Services

Yes, it definitely is a two way street, and you are right that I wouldn't have gone to him in the first place if I didn't feel like I need some help. But last night it was pretty obvious that he was getting frustrated with my inability to fully explain my situation. It's just that it is so complex and confusing that nobody could really fully understand. I think I may need to look elsewhere at this point. I'm sure he's called my bishop and told him what happened - I expect a phone call from the bishop sometime today. I guess I'll see what he has to say about it.

[Surfah]

Yes, it definitely is a two way street, and you are right that I wouldn't have gone to him in the first place if I didn't feel like I need some help. But last night it was pretty obvious that he was getting frustrated with my inability to fully explain my situation. It's just that it is so complex and confusing that nobody could really fully understand. I think I may need to look elsewhere at this point. I'm sure he's called my bishop and told him what happened - I expect a phone call from the bishop sometime today. I guess I'll see what he has to say about it.

Having been to therapy sessions myself I understand where you're coming from. I'm a pretty private person so opening myself up to some stranger was definitely difficult for me to do. And I had experiences like you where sometimes I felt like it was successful and other times an utter waste of time. Interestingly enough others in the same sessions could have the exact opposite experience I had.

[FN Phat]

Having been to therapy sessions myself I understand where you're coming from. I'm a pretty private person so opening myself up to some stranger was definitely difficult for me to do. And I had experiences like you where sometimes I felt like it was successful and other times an utter waste of time. Interestingly enough others in the same sessions could have the exact opposite experience I had.

"Could" have or "did" have. I think it is obvious that one person will get a different vibe/experience than the person s/he is sitting next to. It is such a personal experience that it is different for each person.

[Swimmer]

Good times

Yeah, I agree. It seems like somebody else would be able to share certain personal things with a stranger better than I, but I felt like I was doing pretty well. It's almost as if this particular therapist is into quick results and if he doesn't get them, he moves on to somebody else. He told me as much last night. I guess it's best for him to be honest with me, but it was a bit strange nonetheless. Hopefully I can find someone else that can help. Thanks for responding.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

It seems helpful that he busted out the "sacred funds" card on you. I was forced to meet with a couple of LDS Counselors when my parents got divorced, they did not inspire confidence that they could help with any problems I may be having. Of course I was 8.

[Solon]

I'm sure he's called my bishop and told him what happened - I expect a phone call from the bishop sometime today.

Swimmer - First off, I empathize with you as much as I can (not knowing anything about your situation). If you're getting help, you've taken a big step. Good luck and I hope you are able to find some answers.

But this (quoted above) is why I would never go to LDS social services or recommend anyone go. It seems like such an unethical breach of confidence. I know they have you sign the little waiver, and I know that many people can't afford private therapy or their insurance won't help out. And that is awful. But, in my opinion, it's extremely inappropriate for the therapist to call the bishop about your situation. I know it's legal (because of the waiver), but I think it's wrong to the point of causing harm.

[Soccermom]

But this (quoted above) is why I would never go to LDS social services or recommend anyone go. It seems like such an unethical breach of confidence. I know they have you sign the little waiver, and I know that many people can't afford private therapy or their insurance won't help out. And that is awful. But, in my opinion, it's extremely inappropriate for the therapist to call the bishop about your situation. I know it's legal (because of the waiver), but I think it's wrong to the point of causing harm.

I was thinking the same thing. It seems extremely harmful. I had no idea people who used LDS services had to sign a waiver.

[Solon]

I was thinking the same thing. It seems extremely harmful. I had no idea people who used LDS services had to sign a waiver.

My good friend was Relief Society President in our ward. When she started investigating Social Services as an option for some women in our congregation, she was pretty surprised at this stipulation. I'm not sure if it's universal (but I'd guess it is), but the therapists won't meet with patients unless they sign a waiver granting permission for the therapist to divulge information (not sure how specific the waiver is) to the ecclesiastic authorities. When she heard this, she just started recommending people use the county or campus services.

I have a friend in a branch presidency out here who went to a meeting last Sunday where the local Social-services counselor was trying to drum up business (my friend's words) by visiting leadership meetings and telling them how to do the paperwork to have church funds pay for him, since he can't accept insurance. My friend was a little uncomfortable. He got really uncomfortable when the counselor divulged that one area he did a lot of work in was therapy to rid patients of same-sex-attraction.

[My information is all hearsay - from good friends, but still secondhand - so please correct any inaccuracies I've written here.]

I'm sure LDS Social Services does a lot of good, and that it has helped many, many people. But there are definitely some drawbacks.

[Surfah]

I have been to therapy sessions with both, LDS Social Services therapists and private practice. From my limited experience, I felt no discernible difference.

Regardless, I think that anyone seeking professional help needs to do some due diligence in choosing a therapist. Make sure that the therapist is truly qualified to deal with your particular issue. Also, important is to consider their style and practice. For example, if you're working through a marital issue and separation is not an option for you and your wife, then you probably wouldn't want a therapist who is a trial separation advocate, etc.

Best of luck to you.

[tooblue]

I'm sure LDS Social Services does a lot of good, and that it has helped many, many people. But there are definitely some drawbacks.

Frequently in this forum Bishops are derided as incompetent and not trustworthy or ultimately unable to help people. And now it seems that not only are they all that but when they know that a person needs serious professional help, sending them to that help is inadequate ... Bishops can't win -- nothing they do is right!

Based on my experience your fear of LDS services doing harm is unfounded. That being said any counselor could be an unhealthy influence whether they work for LDS services or not.

You should consider one very important angle as to why a waiver might be signed ... if there is abuse of any kind involved, by law, a Bishop must inform authorities of said abuse. The Bishop as referrer, and financier of counseling services must be informed of what is going on.

Furthermore, once the person has left counseling, as the persons spiritual leader the Bishop is the primary person who will work with the individual to maintain any progress that might have been made with the professional. He can't provide such guidance blindly -- he has to know enough information to be able to help.

[wuapinmon]

Swimmer - First off, I empathize with you as much as I can (not knowing anything about your situation). If you're getting help, you've taken a big step. Good luck and I hope you are able to find some answers.

But this (quoted above) is why I would never go to LDS social services or recommend anyone go. It seems like such an unethical breach of confidence. I know they have you sign the little waiver, and I know that many people can't afford private therapy or their insurance won't help out. And that is awful. But, in my opinion, it's extremely inappropriate for the therapist to call the bishop about your situation. I know it's legal (because of the waiver), but I think it's wrong to the point of causing harm.

It kind of reminds me of Don Draper's wife's therapist calling him to report about his wife. I think bishops should have LDS Social Services as an option, because there are a lot of people who need help. That the counselor said that seems out of line, even if it is true. It would appear that he doesn't have a very good gauge on you, if he can't read that a comment like that is going to set you off.

I won't say "don't be offended," because, as many have commented, I am, apparently, easily offended.