Article: Confessions of an Ex-Mormon

[Indy Coug]

Or an indictment of the anger and frustration I had and how I sought out places to vent.

Or an indictment of the church for being so difficult to leave.

Or perhaps the internet exmo community is an honest reflection of exmos in general, and the non-angry/bitter exmos like UD's CUF persona are the exceptions and outliers.

Or maybe all of those reasons and more.

How long have you been out of the church now? Maybe it's time to finally get that bug out of your ass.

[lambdacoug]

Be honest. How many exmo's do you know outside the internet? I know many, and rfm does not represent them well. Just like the a-hole TBM's that go on exmo sites to pick fights with exmo's are not representative of the Mormons I know in my life. It's two extremist groups.

That I count as good friends? Somewhere around a dozen, not including my ex and my children.

That I met online and then met in person briefly? Another couple dozen.

Every single one has a story of hurt, anger, frustration and bitterness of the toll leaving the mormon church has taken on their lives. Several are vastly more angry and frustrated than I ever was.

[Goatnapper'96]

Every single one has a story of hurt, anger, frustration and bitterness of the toll leaving the mormon church has taken on their lives. Several are vastly more angry and frustrated than I ever was.

I think the majority of ex-mos very angry at the mormon church are likely just individuals who struggle being happy and struggle taking control of their individual lives. Folks like that always want or need someone else to blame. Obviously, the LDS Church and Culture are very much weblike and obviously it would be unfair for someone to not recognize the trauma and difficulties breaking away would create, but in my very limited experiences I propose that the most bitter ones will always struggle with the temptation to blame others for their challenges. Some people act and others are acted upon and when those who spend much of their lives being acted upon figure out they don't like the directions the winds of life took them they lash out and blame the winds. I hope some learn that lesson but with the religious like reinforcement of the various ex-mo communities that the bogeyman is the Church, it would be hard to have that moment of introspection. I remember when my wife was listening to Dr Laura and she said some people like to be controlled and then want to get upset at how they are controlled.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I think the majority of ex-mos very angry at the mormon church are likely just individuals who struggle being happy and struggle taking control of their individual lives. Folks like that always want or need someone else to blame. Obviously, the LDS Church and Culture are very much weblike and obviously it would be unfair for someone to not recognize the trauma and difficulties breaking away would create, but in my very limited experiences I propose that the most bitter ones will always struggle with the temptation to blame others for their challenges. Some people act and others are acted upon and when those who spend much of their lives being acted upon figure out they don't like the directions the winds of life took them they lash out and blame the winds. I hope some learn that lesson but with the religious like reinforcement of the various ex-mo communities that the bogeyman is the Church, it would be hard to have that moment of introspection. I remember when my wife was listening to Dr Laura and she said some people like to be controlled and then want to get upset at how they are controlled.

Your wife. Sure, buddy. Sure.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Like UD, I've never interacted with an exmo as magnanimous as the author of this piece, and as SU pointed out, its likely because his investment was so limited.

That's just ridiculous.

If you are in fact being serious, that says a whole lot more about you than anyone else.

[Green Monstah]

Fair enough. I assume part of that is time and maybe as SU was saying it is the low exit cost he paid. I don't think many people feel that way on day one or even decade one. But I like the way you have framed it here....gives me something to think about.

FWIW, my mom feels this way. Of course, she was ex'd, but I believe the underlying circumstances behind her excommunication were simply her escape route from an unhappy marriage and the church. She loves Mormons, their ideals, their outlook on life, etc., just not their doctrines.

It's probably more common than you think; it's just that there's nothing for a content, admiring exmormon to add to the complaining and mourning that goes on among exmos on the internet, etc.

That's just ridiculous.

If you are in fact being serious, that says a whole lot more about you than anyone else.

Exactly. I should introduce you to my three sisters and mother. Honestly, it's just because the only people you interact with are the people who can't get over the church (rightfully or wrongfully). Lot's of people just drift away and look on their time as a Mormon with fondness, but it just isn't for them. These are the people who simply identify themselves as non-Mormon or no-longer Mormon, not ex-Mormon.

[Goatnapper'96]

Your wife. Sure, buddy. Sure.

For a time in my life I enjoyed the comedy of her blasting people and them just sitting there and taking it.

It was the great American sage Bill Murray who once said: "There is no people like the Chosen People!"

[myboynoah]

For a time in my life I enjoyed the comedy of her blasting people and them just sitting there and taking it.

It was the great American sage Bill Murray who once said: "There is no people like the Chosen People!"

That was great stuff. I loved her gospel of "stop your whining."

[Goatnapper'96]

FWIW, my mom feels this way. Of course, she was ex'd, but I believe the underlying circumstances behind her excommunication were simply her escape route from an unhappy marriage and the church. She loves Mormons, their ideals, their outlook on life, etc., just not their doctrines.

It's probably more common than you think; it's just that there's nothing for a content, admiring exmormon to add to the complaining and mourning that goes on among exmos on the internet, etc.

Primarily, how many people in religious organizations have a dogmatic concern about "doctrine?" Honestly? Most like the community and identify with some form of the results of the ideal lifestyle the community encourages and facilitates. That is all this guy did. He said that he loved the endstate as he defined it, but then and now he openly admits his unwillingness to give himself to it. The reason for that unwillingness has nothing to do with the doctrine or history that are categorized as strange/absurd by our modern world but by the fact that he just doesn't want to live the lifestyle even though he lusts after the endstate.

It is my totally unscientific opinion that there are many ex-mos in this world like him. I personally think it unhealthy to dwell upon the issue but in my opinion/experience there are people who quit the mo church just because of how demanding the perceive it to be.

[lambdacoug]

That's just ridiculous.

If you are in fact being serious, that says a whole lot more about you than anyone else.

Unless you are reading into it things I didn't mean, the only exmos I've been able to find and interact with are the vocal ones, I don't see how that is ridiculous. Sure, the group I've interacted with is self-selected, but that doesn't make it ridiculous, just my experience.

Color me completely and totally surprised that many mormons here interact with the less angry exmo crowd and the exmos interact with the angrier exmo crowd.

[UtahDan]

I was once in the MoSto FB community. The echo chamber that exists in that place is deafening in a way that was offensive. Maybe it's changed since Dehlin started kicking people out for being offensive, but the narrowmindedness of the most vocal people in that community was alarming.

I think you recollection is pretty outdated. For a while it was the only Facebook group for the disaffected. Now there are lots of other. I think most of the truly negative stuff has moved to other places. I virtually never post in the MoSto group, but I read it.

[UtahDan]

I'm speaking narrowly about a very specific group. Asshole exmo's. This group is very black and white and I will describe them as black and white. I wouldn't put Utah Dan in that group, though he appears to be succombing at a very fast pace. Not all exmo's are in this group, not all posters at rfm are in this group, but a large portion of them seem to be. There's also a group called asshole Mormons, that are also black and white on things. I'll try to call that group out also as I notice their antics.

I thought we were having an illuminating exchange of ideas. Not nice.

[jay santos]

I thought we were having an illuminating exchange of ideas. Not nice.

I kid.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Unless you are reading into it things I didn't mean, the only exmos I've been able to find and interact with are the vocal ones, I don't see how that is ridiculous. Sure, the group I've interacted with is self-selected, but that doesn't make it ridiculous, just my experience.

Color me completely and totally surprised that many mormons here interact with the less angry exmo crowd and the exmos interact with the angrier exmo crowd.

Non-angry ex-mos are everywhere. We have several here on CUF. I have several in my family. I have met countless numbers of them in my life.

I am going to be brutally honest here, Mr. Atheist. See this post from Jay:

I'm speaking narrowly about a very specific group. Asshole exmo's. This group is very black and white and I will describe them as black and white. I wouldn't put Utah Dan in that group, though he appears to be succombing at a very fast pace. Not all exmo's are in this group, not all posters at rfm are in this group, but a large portion of them seem to be. There's also a group called asshole Mormons, that are also black and white on things. I'll try to call that group out also as I notice their antics.

There is a reason he called out an exception for UD but not for you. I have never seen a more myopic, bitter, and whiny ex-mo than you.

Have a nice day.

[lambdacoug]

I am going to be brutally honest here, Mr. Atheist. See this post from Jay:



There is a reason he called out an exception for UD but not for you. I have never seen a more myopic, bitter, and whiny ex-mo than you.

Have a nice day.

Thanks, Capt. Obvious. I completely missed that.

However, if you have never met a more myopic, bitter and whiny exmo than me, then you don't know many, or those that you do know don't feel comfortable talking with you about it. I can't say that I blame them.