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  • #1

    The Lawyer Joke Thread

    This is the place to tell your favorite lawyer jokes. No personal attacks against other board members allowed.

    OK, here's my favorite:

    An Engineer dies, goes to the Pearly Gates, and St. Peter, looking in the book, can't find the engineer's name. Sorry, looks like you're going to hell. The engineer takes a look around and sees that hell is a mess. The A/C has obviously been broken for quite some time, so he fixes it. Hell cools down to a pleasant temperature quickly.

    After fixing a few more things, God get's word that something's going on down in hell, so he makes a visit. He sees that everyone is happy and drinking craft beers. God asks the Devil, What's going on?

    The Devil says, things have been going pretty good since you sent me an engineer.

    What?! An engineer?! Why would I send you one of those? There must be some mistake! God immediately summons St. Peter and asks him to look for the engineer's name in the Book. Peter soon discovers the problem, as two of the pages were stuck together. Oh. Here he is. He's supposed to go to heaven.

    God tells the devil, Send him up immediately.

    The Devil responds, No way! We're keeping our engineer. We love this guy.

    If you don't send him up immediately, I'll sue you!

    The Devil laughs and says, Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?
    Tags: None
  • #2
    A timeless classic. Not a bad start.
    "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
    "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
    "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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    • #3
      I feel threatened. I need a Safe Zone.
      PLesa excuse the tpyos.

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by creekster View Post
        I feel threatened. I need a Safe Zone.
        Umm.. The trigger warning (implied, of course) was right there in the thread title. Your safe zone is outside of this thread.

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        • #5
          know what's funny? those lawyer jokes from that recent episode of better call saul are verbatim the first result from a google search for "lawyer jokes"
          Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Est.

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          • #6
            What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? A good start.
            When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

            --Jonathan Swift

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            • #7
              Then Spencer and Abby Cox saw a bumper sticker that read: “It’s 99% of the attorneys who give the other 1% a bad name.”

              Cox asked his wife: “Is the world a better place because of what I do here?”

              She was brutally honest.

              “Absolutely not.”

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              • #8
                I always note to my colleagues how grateful I am to lawyers for protecting me from other lawyers.

                Comment

                • #9
                  I still think one of the best lawyer jokes is that we call our written arguments to the judge briefs.
                  τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

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                  • #10
                    Why are lawyers buried facing down?



                    So they can see where they're going.
                    "I think it was King Benjamin who said 'you sorry ass shitbags who have no skills that the market values also have an obligation to have the attitude that if one day you do in fact win the PowerBall Lottery that you will then impart of your substance to those without.'"
                    - Goatnapper'96

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                    • #11
                      What do you call the wife of a lawyer who works 80 hours a week?

                      plaintiff

                      When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
                      -Mid Summer's Night Dream

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                      • #12
                        What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?

                        One won't screw you after you're dead.

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                        • #13

                          American Bar Association SCRAPS LSAT and standardized admissions tests after woke law schools including Yale and Harvard claimed they hurt diversity
                          • The American Bar Association decided on Friday to scrap law schools' requirements that students take LSAT and other admissions tests
                          • It comes after an ABA committee recommended the testing requirements be dropped because they hurt diversity in admissions
                          • Despite the decision, half of 82 law schools in the US recently polled said they would keep the tests, with only four saying they would drop it
                          • While woke law school said the tests can hurt low-income applicants, other schools warned that dropping it could give more advantages to the wealthy
                          https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...-optional.html

                          "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
                          "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
                          "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
                          GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

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