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  • Originally posted by falafel View Post
    Oh yeah. The change that literally no youth will ever choose. "Hey Mom, come with my to my interview where I tell the Bishop how much I've been masturbating to porn."
    It's a change with no significance. It's never appropriate for an adult to be in a one-on-one situation with a young kid discussing the kid's sexuality. Never. It's bizarre that the Church doesn't recognize this. The Church has a lot of blind spots, but this is one of the most glaring.
    "The mind is not a boomerang. If you throw it too far it will not come back." ~ Tom McGuane

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    • Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
      It's a change with no significance. It's never appropriate for an adult to be in a one-on-one situation with a young kid discussing the kid's sexuality. Never. It's bizarre that the Church doesn't recognize this. The Church has a lot of blind spots, but this is one of the most glaring.
      While I don’t disagree, in my experience sexuality is rarely if ever brought up by the interviewer. In fact, the only Time it came up was when I would ask the temple recommend questions and the yes or no question of do you live the law of chastity was asked. Appropriate? Maybe not, but 99.9% of the interview was focused on the emotional and spiritual well being of the youth.
      "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
        It's a change with no significance. It's never appropriate for an adult to be in a one-on-one situation with a young kid discussing the kid's sexuality. Never. It's bizarre that the Church doesn't recognize this. The Church has a lot of blind spots, but this is one of the most glaring.
        That's a great absolute you are advancing. Works great in an ideal world, I imagine. Your righteous indignation, however, actually shows an incredible lack of awareness and compassion. The reality is, many individuals who work with young people (in schools, in mentoring situations, even at church) have those conversations almost weekly. Because where else are youth going to turn, when they have no where else to turn, when they just need someone to listen to them?

        Talk about blind spots. Your perspective on this is warped by a bias that is out of date, as Moliere aptly pointed out. There isn't a week that goes by during a semester where I am not approached by a student who just needs to talk about these issues, and just recently while mentoring a young part-time / adjunct professor.* Having spent many years in a variety of callings at church, especially over the past ten years or more, increasingly youth are just looking for someone to talk to. Precisely because they don't live in your ideal world.

        *I am a certified mental health first responder. Interestingly, after being voluntold to take the course, I was the rare individual who had already actually lived the role play scenarios we worked through, and had, in some measure, experienced, in real life, many of the scenarios depicted in the training videos we watched. Exclusively because, I have served in the church in a variety of roles.
        Last edited by tooblue; 08-01-2018, 08:19 AM.

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        • Originally posted by Moliere View Post
          While I don’t disagree, in my experience sexuality is rarely if ever brought up by the interviewer. In fact, the only Time it came up was when I would ask the temple recommend questions and the yes or no question of do you live the law of chastity was asked. Appropriate? Maybe not, but 99.9% of the interview was focused on the emotional and spiritual well being of the youth.
          YOur experience is way different than mine and every kid I spoke to about it growing up.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by New Mexican Disaster View Post
            YOur experience is way different than mine and every kid I spoke to about it growing up.
            Yes, it was. In fact, as a kid don't ever remember my bishop bringing it up even as a law of chastity question. I must have been lucky since I grew up in the 80s and 90s when those types of questions seemed more prevalent.

            Now, today, things are much, much different. I think bishop's even have a scripted list of questions, which is a good thing given the lack of training most bishops have with interviewing youth. Things have changed for the better.
            "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Moliere View Post
              Yes, it was. In fact, as a kid don't ever remember my bishop bringing it up even as a law of chastity question. I must have been lucky since I grew up in the 80s and 90s when those types of questions seemed more prevalent.

              Now, today, things are much, much different. I think bishop's even have a scripted list of questions, which is a good thing given the lack of training most bishops have with interviewing youth. Things have changed for the better.
              Kids were always talking about how much they dreaded going to their bishop to get the question about whether they had a problem with masturbation.

              Comment


              • Really it just depends on the bishop and stake president. I don’t remember being asked specifics except for one time. My bishop was a doctor and asked if I knew what MB was. I acted like I didn’t know and he basically said “there are a lot worse things you can do, but we try not to do it.”
                Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.

                "Cog dis is a bitch." -James Patterson

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Green Monstah View Post
                  Really it just depends on the bishop and stake president. I don’t remember being asked specifics except for one time. My bishop was a doctor and asked if I knew what MB was. I acted like I didn’t know and he basically said “there are a lot worse things you can do, but we try not to do it.”
                  When I turned 12 and had my interview to become a deacon, my bishop asked me if I masturbated. I wasn't familiar with the word, and the bishop sensed it. He leaned forward and whispered, "Do you play with yourself?". I was shocked and a little pissed off that he would ask that. It still bothers me that I was asked that same question in every advancement interview, in my mission interview and in every interview I had with my mission president. It's perverse.
                  "The mind is not a boomerang. If you throw it too far it will not come back." ~ Tom McGuane

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by tooblue View Post
                    That's a great absolute you are advancing. Works great in an ideal world, I imagine. Your righteous indignation, however, actually shows an incredible lack of awareness and compassion. The reality is, many individuals who work with young people (in schools, in mentoring situations, even at church) have those conversations almost weekly. Because where else are youth going to turn, when they have no where else to turn, when they just need someone to listen to them?

                    Talk about blind spots. Your perspective on this is warped by a bias that is out of date, as Moliere aptly pointed out. There isn't a week that goes by during a semester where I am not approached by a student who just needs to talk about these issues, and just recently while mentoring a young part-time / adjunct professor.* Having spent many years in a variety of callings at church, especially over the past ten years or more, increasingly youth are just looking for someone to talk to. Precisely because they don't live in your ideal world.

                    *I am a certified mental health first responder. Interestingly, after being voluntold to take the course, I was the rare individual who had already actually lived the role play scenarios we worked through, and had, in some measure, experienced, in real life, many of the scenarios depicted in the training videos we watched. Exclusively because, I have served in the church in a variety of roles.
                    There's a big difference between what you describe and a situation in which a child is compelled to discuss their sexuality with a person in authority whose job is to judge the child.
                    "The mind is not a boomerang. If you throw it too far it will not come back." ~ Tom McGuane

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
                      When I turned 12 and had my interview to become a deacon, my bishop asked me if I masturbated. I wasn't familiar with the word, and the bishop sensed it. He leaned forward and whispered, "Do you play with yourself?". I was shocked and a little pissed off that he would ask that. It still bothers me that I was asked that same question in every advancement interview, in my mission interview and in every interview I had with my mission president. It's perverse.
                      I remember my bishop explaining it as “playing with your tallywhacker”.

                      Maybe this young man and his hunger strike will bring about Byron’s dream of a church that encourages masturbation!
                      Get confident, stupid
                      -landpoke

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
                        There's a big difference between what you describe and a situation in which a child is compelled to discuss their sexuality with a person in authority whose job is to judge the child.
                        Yep the idea of a middle aged man interviewing a teenage girl in private about her sex life is appalling.

                        Seems like if we are going to hold to this dumb tradition of shaming and confessing about sexual habits then every ward should have a female Bishopric and a male Bishopric. They could take turns presiding in Sacrament Meeting and women could interview girls, men interview boys. All in favor, raise your left hand!

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by CardiacCoug View Post
                          Yep the idea of a middle aged man interviewing a teenage girl in private about her sex life is appalling.

                          Seems like if we are going to hold to this dumb tradition of shaming and confessing about sexual habits then every ward should have a female Bishopric and a male Bishopric. They could take turns presiding in Sacrament Meeting and women could interview girls, men interview boys. All in favor, raise your left hand!
                          I appreciate your support!
                          Get confident, stupid
                          -landpoke

                          Comment


                          • Fortunately for me the Bishop in my teenage years always asked the question in the exact same way “Do you have a problem with masturbation?”

                            With confidence and complete honestly I would enthusiastically reply that I had no problem whatsoever with masturbation.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by tooblue View Post
                              *I am a certified mental health first responder.
                              do you carry lifesavers in your fanny pack?
                              Te Occidere Possunt Sed Te Edere Non Possunt Nefas Est.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
                                There's a big difference between what you describe and a situation in which a child is compelled to discuss their sexuality with a person in authority whose job is to judge the child.
                                Again, as Moliere and Lebowski have stated a lot has changed. Your notions, expressed above, are based on past understanding that quite frankly is in the past. You speak of compulsion and judgement like we are still living in the 70's and 80's.

                                If I want to be present for any interview with my child, I can as a matter of policy. I get it. It's hard to let go of your bias, but attitudes are so very different. There are still a few remnants of the old attitudes, but a shift in not only thinking, but in doing has already occurred. Again, just ask Lebowski and Moliere. They are not outliers. They sound just like the men who make up my Ward Bishopric. I'd trust them to speaking with my child. What's more, my wife as Relief Society President, is increasingly being called upon to counsel with Bishop on these issues.

                                There is obviously a lot more to the story that started this whole thread that we don't know about, but with regards to what we are discussing in this back and forth, honestly, you are out of touch with what is really happening, not just in schools but at church.
                                Last edited by tooblue; 08-01-2018, 11:54 PM.

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