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Why do you or yours hate Mother's Day

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  • Why do you or yours hate Mother's Day

    I've learned over the past several years how many Mormon women dislike Mother's Day. I'm sure the reasons are varied. Since I will be speaking for the 5th consecutive year on Mommy Dearest Day, I would like to hear what others dislike, or like, about the second Sunday in May.

    For Mrs. V, the worst is hearing talks or lessons about how perfect someone's mom or wife is. It makes her feel very guilty and inadequate.

  • #2
    I dislike Mother's Day because all the Sunday brunches are off limits to TR holders without some Clintonesque interpretation of the Law.
    "Yeah, but never trust a Ph.D who has an MBA as well. The PhD symbolizes intelligence and discipline. The MBA symbolizes lust for power." -- Katy Lied

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    • #3
      Every woman and mother in my family likes Mother's day. No need to change it for the few complainers.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by wuapinmon View Post
        I dislike Mother's Day because all the Sunday brunches are off limits to TR holders without some Clintonesque interpretation of the Law.
        I've never heard the TR question about not eating a Mother's day brunch.

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        • #5
          My wife thinks Mother's Day is great and thinks it's one of the lamest things ever how so many Mormon moms make it a guilt fest day as they compare themselves to Supermom's.

          edit: didn't read your whole post AV to the end, and didn't mean to be insensitive.

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          • #6
            I don't hate Mother's Day but I also don't get the big deal about it.

            I am not bothered by the "my mom/wife is perfect" talks because I know they are untrue, albeit with a nice intent.

            I like the Heavenly Father model for speaking about wife awesomeness: the less, the better...in fact, almost nothing at all!
            Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

            sigpic

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            • #7
              My wife does not like Mother's Day because she feels a good deal of Mormon Mother guilt.

              I have mentioned before the whole Jack Spratt guilt arrangement in our marriage.

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              • #8
                I guess some people hate their mothers. I hear that can happen. I hope they get the help they need.
                Give 'em Hell, Cougars!!!

                For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still.

                Not long ago an obituary appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that said the recently departed had "died doing what he enjoyed most—watching BYU lose."

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                • #9
                  I'm not a fan because it's an expensive time of year. Not so much Mothers Day, but my wife and mother-in-law have birthdays coming up within a week of it, and a nephew and a niece within two weeks.
                  "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill


                  "I only know what I hear on the news." - Dear Leader

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Jacob View Post
                    I've never heard the TR question about not eating a Mother's day brunch.
                    Champagne brunch.

                    Originally posted by Art Vandelay
                    For Mrs. V, the worst is hearing talks or lessons about how perfect someone's mom or wife is. It makes her feel very guilty and inadequate.
                    in the interest of minimizing marital discord I STRONGLY suggest you refrain from speaking in church about the wonders of your own mother. No matter how loved and appreciated we make our wives feel, if we mention Mom then wifey feels compared to Mom.

                    Originally posted by Clark Addison
                    My wife does not like Mother's Day because she feels a good deal of Mormon Mother guilt.

                    I have mentioned before the whole Jack Spratt guilt arrangement in our marriage.
                    (This probably deserves its own thread.) My wife and I spoke at length over this very issue yesterday. She claims most Mormon women have a very hard time "accepting" Christ's atonement in their own lives, and thus carry a tremendous burden of guilt needlessly. We claim to have a more perfect understanding of repentance and of the atonement, but for some reason our church can socialize people into carrying great load of burdensome guilt when they SHOULD simply do their best day to day and accept that Christ's grace will make up the slack where they fall short.

                    To continually perseverate over minutae (am I a bad mother if I don't let my child do x&y?) or things which they cannot control (am I a bad mother if my child isn't a perfect angel in church?) is to hamper one's own personal growth.

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                    • #11
                      I don't get the Mormon guilt thing causing mothers to hate Mother's day. I think my mom used to hate Mother's Day because of it and has slowly progressed. My wife loves Mother's Day and completely blows off the guilt issues.

                      Is there another parallel? Do we hate 4th of July because it makes us feel guilty about how patriotic we are? Do we hate Christmas and Easter because we feel guilty about our level of discipleship? Do we hate the NBA playoffs because it reminds us of our athletic failures of the past? It just seems absurd to me. The day is designed to honor and celebrate you. Let people dote on you for a day and enjoy it.

                      At the heart of it, I think pride is at the heart of the Mormon guilt on Mother's Day thing. The basis of it is that I believe I should be the #1 Mom in the world. It's OK for everyone else not to be the #1 Mom, because they suck and they're idiots but ME I'M THE TOP DOG (what's alpha equivalent for females?).

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                      • #12
                        If guys prepare and do something nice, they should actually LOVE Mother's Day
                        Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

                        sigpic

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by jay santos View Post
                          The basis of it is that I believe I should be the #1 Mom in the world. It's OK for everyone else not to be the #1 Mom, because they suck and they're idiots but ME I'M THE TOP DOG (what's alpha equivalent for females?).
                          The queen Bee
                          "Be a philosopher. A man can compromise to gain a point. It has become apparent that a man can, within limits, follow his inclinations within the arms of the Church if he does so discreetly." - The Walking Drum

                          "And here’s what life comes down to—not how many years you live, but how many of those years are filled with bullshit that doesn’t amount to anything to satisfy the requirements of some dickhead you’ll never get the pleasure of punching in the face." – Adam Carolla

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by jay santos View Post
                            My wife thinks Mother's Day is great and thinks it's one of the lamest things ever how so many Mormon moms make it a guilt fest day as they compare themselves to Supermom's.

                            edit: didn't read your whole post AV to the end, and didn't mean to be insensitive.
                            I don't compare myself to Supermoms, I compare myself to SuperGabers and Soccermom and obviously, I'll never measure up to either.
                            What's to explain? It's a bunch of people, most of whom you've never met, who are just as likely to be homicidal maniacs as they are to be normal everyday people, with whom you share the minutiae of your everyday life. It's totally normal, and everyone would understand.
                            -Teenage Dirtbag

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by jay santos View Post
                              I don't get the Mormon guilt thing causing mothers to hate Mother's day. I think my mom used to hate Mother's Day because of it and has slowly progressed. My wife loves Mother's Day and completely blows off the guilt issues.

                              Is there another parallel? Do we hate 4th of July because it makes us feel guilty about how patriotic we are? Do we hate Christmas and Easter because we feel guilty about our level of discipleship? Do we hate the NBA playoffs because it reminds us of our athletic failures of the past? It just seems absurd to me. The day is designed to honor and celebrate you. Let people dote on you for a day and enjoy it.

                              At the heart of it, I think pride is at the heart of the Mormon guilt on Mother's Day thing. The basis of it is that I believe I should be the #1 Mom in the world. It's OK for everyone else not to be the #1 Mom, because they suck and they're idiots but ME I'M THE TOP DOG (what's alpha equivalent for females?).
                              I agree with some of this, but disagree with some. First off, it isn't just the holiday itself that is making them feel guilty, the holiday just reminds them of their guilt (and sometimes reinforces it).

                              Pride may have something to do with it, but I think more of it is due to things like:
                              • Girls are taught from a young age that being a mother is the most important job of their lives.
                              • There is a long list of things that we are supposed to do, which not a single person does perfectly. I think this message, that "No one does all of this 100% of the time", has been better publicized over time, but it still gets ignored sometimes, especially on Mother's Day
                              • We are implicitely (and sometimes explicitly) taught that if we do all the things we are supposed to do, then our kids will turn out good, will go on missions, will marry in the temple, and will have strong testimonies.

                              So if a mother has been taught these things her whole life, and one of her kids losses his testimony and doesn't go on a mission, what will she logically think? She knows she hasen't done everything she was supposed to do (because no one does), so it is easy for her to feel that she bears some responsibility for whatever bad things happen. Mother's Day at church can be hard because the people talking at church all appear to be people who are strong and have good testimonies, and they generally spend their time talking about how perfect their mothers' were, so it just reinforces the idea that your kids didn't turn out like this because you weren't as good as that mother (or, for the younger parents, because you aren't as good as that mother, your kids won't turn out like that).

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