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Funniest Scripture in the Book of Mormon

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  • Funniest Scripture in the Book of Mormon

    I've always thought that Helaman 1:21 was the funniest, perhaps unintentionally, scripture in the Book of Mormon:

    21 And it came to pass that Pacumeni, who was the chief judge, did flee before Coriantumr, even to the walls of the city. And it came to pass that Coriantumr did smite him against the wall, insomuch that he died. And thus ended the days of Pacumeni.
    "Yeah, but never trust a Ph.D who has an MBA as well. The PhD symbolizes intelligence and discipline. The MBA symbolizes lust for power." -- Katy Lied

  • #2
    This is my favorite (Omni 1:9):

    9 Now I, Chemish, write what few things I write, in the same book with my brother; for behold, I saw the last which he wrote, that he wrote it with his own hand; and he wrote it in the day that he delivered them unto me. And after this manner we keep the records, for it is according to the commandments of our fathers. And I make an end.
    Way to go, Chemish. That was profound.
    "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
    "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
    "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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    • #3
      I sometimes wonder about Mormon as an editor. What drove his decisions? What is essential/inspiring/useful about Chemish?

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      • #4
        I have a Bible one. As a matter of fact I have won a few bets with people who think rubber will stretch further than human skin.

        The Bible tells us Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked forty miles.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by I.J. Reilly View Post
          I sometimes wonder about Mormon as an editor. What drove his decisions? What is essential/inspiring/useful about Chemish?
          Mormon gave the reason he threw that little contribution into the mix as "for a wise purpose; for thus it whispereth me, according to the workings of the Spirit of the Lord which is in me. And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, he worketh in me to do according to his will." Martin Harris might have had something to do with this as well.

          I suspect Chemish's contribution was omitted in the yet unpublished first edition.
          Give 'em Hell, Cougars!!!

          For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still.

          Not long ago an obituary appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that said the recently departed had "died doing what he enjoyed most—watching BYU lose."

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          • #6
            Chemish's contribution is useful for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the demonstration of how a nation on the road to apostasy and destruction regard that which is sacred as little more than historical relics.
            τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

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            • #7
              Here's the funniest to me in the Mormon canon (D&C 45:51):

              And then shall the Jews blook upon me and say: What are these wounds in thine hands and in thy feet?
              I couldn't help it. I always imagined they'd then look at one another and say, "Oh oh. Let's get out of here. RUN!!!"
              When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.

              --Jonathan Swift

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                This is my favorite (Omni 1:9):



                Way to go, Chemish. That was profound.
                Passages like this just prove the Book of Mormon is real. Nobody would make up something so pointless.

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                • #9
                  We sang this line from the second verse of the hymn "He is Risen" on Easter Sunday and it struck me as funny for the first time:

                  "Come with high and holy hymning;
                  Chant our Lord’s triumphant lay."

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                  • #10
                    Have you seen the Book of Mormon Movie, where Lehi tells his sons they need to return and marry the daughters of Ishmael. Lemual blurts out, "Father this is the best revelation you've had!" and everyone has a good belly laugh.

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                    • #11
                      All-American, that is an interesting take on the inclusion of such things as Chemish. Thank you for that. Of course, there are a whole host of other little oddities in the BOM that make you question the wisdom in inclusion, seeing as how most of the BOM was compiled to condense. I guess I haven't thought enough about those sort of things on an individual basis but more as an aggregate, as in why are they all here?

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by I.J. Reilly View Post
                        I sometimes wonder about Mormon as an editor. What drove his decisions? What is essential/inspiring/useful about Chemish?
                        Provenance
                        Everything in life is an approximation.

                        http://twitter.com/CougarStats

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by I.J. Reilly View Post
                          All-American, that is an interesting take on the inclusion of such things as Chemish. Thank you for that. Of course, there are a whole host of other little oddities in the BOM that make you question the wisdom in inclusion, seeing as how most of the BOM was compiled to condense. I guess I haven't thought enough about those sort of things on an individual basis but more as an aggregate, as in why are they all here?
                          Isn't that (the Chemish squib) part of the small plates that Mormon did not edit, but simply included?
                          “There is a great deal of difference in believing something still, and believing it again.”
                          ― W.H. Auden


                          "God made the angels to show His splendour - as He made animals for innocence and plants for their simplicity. But men and women He made to serve Him wittily, in the tangle of their minds."
                          -- Robert Bolt, A Man for All Seasons


                          "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
                          --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Indy Coug View Post
                            Provenance
                            Terse, but accurate, I think: It shows the "chain of custody" of the plates. I mean, if you're going to publish an allegory, stuff like that is important, isn't it?
                            “There is a great deal of difference in believing something still, and believing it again.”
                            ― W.H. Auden


                            "God made the angels to show His splendour - as He made animals for innocence and plants for their simplicity. But men and women He made to serve Him wittily, in the tangle of their minds."
                            -- Robert Bolt, A Man for All Seasons


                            "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
                            --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I always found Omni 1-3 funny. I'm a wicked man but my dad said I should do this so here you go. Your turn son.
                              "It's true that everything happens for a reason. Just remember that sometimes that reason is that you did something really, really, stupid."

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