Ultimate punishment for looking at porn right here

[Moliere]

They don't. Reading her blog it was obvious that some very major facts are missing. I skimmed the comments and noticed that someone had asked essentially the same question (ex'd for porn?). Bethany responded: "...in the case of my husband the addiction had progressed over the years to other sexually deviant behaviors leading to his excommunication."

Personally, I found the blog repugnant. If one wants to help others by sharing one's story, do it anonymously.

This clarifies something for me as well. I was trying to figure out why Bethany had to "heal" from her husbands problem. That made no sense to me until I realized there were bigger issues at stake. Obviously this would take a toll on a spouse depending on how far he went but Bethany's initial reaction to up and leave is repugnant. I'm not sure if that is the correct course of action in any circumstance outside of abuse.

I'm sure it shattered Bethany's world to find out that she would not have the perfect Mormon family. You know, the one that is taught in the YW manuals. Kudos to her though for sticking it out for now and trying to work through it.

[Moliere]

One other thought. Is it possible that the mentality behind Bethany's blog post is similar to that of parent's that have a son come home early from a mission and have that son tell everyone he is trying his best to get back out into the mission field? I assume the blog was motivated more by Bethany's shame for her situation and this is damage control to show that she is doing everything to set things "right". This way she can show everyone that it's not her problem although she is suffering.

[DrumNFeather]

One other thought. Is it possible that the mentality behind Bethany's blog post is similar to that of parent's that have a son come home early from a mission and have that son tell everyone he is trying his best to get back out into the mission field? I assume the blog was motivated more by Bethany's shame for her situation and this is damage control to show that she is doing everything to set things "right". This way she can show everyone that it's not her problem although she is suffering.

Both situations you describe result in people working to "prove" something to someone else when in reality the only person you have to prove anything to in either situation is yourself (maybe your spouse if there are larger issues that impact the family). Screw everyone else.

[RC Vikings]

I have to believe that there were additional things going on to warrant an excommunication. I refuse to believe otherwise for my own sanity.

My guess is that Bethany lobbied pretty hard for his excommunication because in her world that's what he deserved.

[marsupial]

I commented:

While pornography can feel like a betrayal, I don’t think Bethany’s betrayal should be dismissed either. Her husband confided in her. He shared his personal struggle with her and the first thing she does is go and call her mommy? We are to leave our father and mother and cleave unto our spouse. On the betrayal scale, airing your husband’s weaknesses to your family and friends (and now the internet) seems like a much greater sin and more damaging to a relationship than porn. That Bethany’s husband agreed to this only proves how much he has been browbeaten over this. Any man who’d allow this must not have much dignity left.

[ERCougar]

Man. How embarrassing. The blog, the story, the reaction. Everything. That whole thing made me feel awkward and uncomfortable, like the way a horrible musical number does.

I have to believe that there were additional things going on to warrant an excommunication. I refuse to believe otherwise for my own sanity.

She answers in the comments that his pornography had "led to other deviant behaviors" for which he was excommunicated.

Which irritates the hell out of me. She just reinforces the enormous bogeyman that DDD is talking about, which only makes the problem worse. All this blog does is scare people away from honestly dealing with issues in their lives (church discipline does the same thing, by the way).

And speaking of honesty, does BYU offer a neuropsychology degree?

EDIT: I can appreciate her feelings of betrayal, of loneliness, of her need to vent. But there are so many more productive ways of doing this--for herself, for her marriage, even for the "pornography problem" in the church.

[ERCougar]

I commented:

[Surfah]

She answers in the comments that his pornography had "led to other deviant behaviors" for which he was excommunicated.

Which irritates the hell out of me. She just reinforces the enormous bogeyman that DDD is talking about, which only makes the problem worse. All this blog does is scare people away from honestly dealing with issues in their lives (church discipline does the same thing, by the way).

That makes much more sense. And I agree with you.

[RC Vikings]

But I have prayed that I can love him, at least on a spiritual level always.

He's still doing without.

[wuapinmon]

Having broken my own addiction to the stuff with the help of my wife, if she had done this to me, she'd be living in St. George with the kids.

[Katy Lied]

1. I think the main point of plastering her picture all over the blog is not to reveal her identity (although it does reveal who she is), it is to tell other women "lookit how pretty and hot I am. My husband's pornography addiction is not because I am ugly and unattractive. It is not my fault."

I think that is what she is referring to when she keeps saying it is not her fault.

This is why it is her photo and not her husband's photo on the blog.


2. I'm also a little offended that she goes on and on about her husband's lies taking away her free agency. It might affect her impression of her perfect connubial bliss, but not her choice. Everyone lies. There will be many people in her life that lie to her. That doesn't restrict her free agency at all. Again, this goes back to young women being taught that their marriage should be apparent perfection, and not a work in progress. I think many women believe that the acme of their marriage is the temple ceremony or the early child-bearing years, not the understanding you have with your husband after 40 years of setbacks, discouragements, achievements and growth.

3. I think that many women who have grown up with the dream of Mr. Perfect in the temple, when confronted with a threat to their marriage (either porn, or other vices, or other women, etc) spring into action to conquer the problem. It is only after a while when the threat has been nullified that they then become dissatisfied with their choice of a husband because he wasn't as perfect as they thought him to be. This is the true threat to the marriage; not the porn addiction which the husband appears to be healing from. It's the dissatisfaction she feels 1 year after the confession. She picked the wrong man and now that she's helped him heal, she wants to find another, better one.

[Uncle Ted]

She answers in the comments that his pornography had "led to other deviant behaviors" for which he was excommunicated.

"Deviant behaviors"? I know of a case where a member's porn addiction led to him going to gentlemen's clubs. Also, another case of a former bishop that was fired because of he was accused of viewing porn at work (while he was serving as bishop). Both weren't excommunicated.

I knew he was struggling spiritually because he had to say no to a newly extended calling of Elder’s Quorum President, but I really knew very little about the whole situation because he seemed to blow it off as just a little “slacking on his scripture reading” and something about “not feeling up to leading the Priesthood in the ward”. Soon after turning down the calling, he had an interview with the bishop. I thought, oh, the bishop is going to offer him the calling again.

Since when did bishops start extending EQP callings? The SP called me.

[YOhio]

I starting perusing that site, Mormon Women Project, and there are quite a few nice and inspiring interviews. It's good to know that Bethany's interview wasn't the norm for the place.

[Green Monstah]

I don't see why you are all freaking out about her going public with this. She didn't use her last name! Very discreet!

That and Mormon women all look the same, so she can always claim "that's not me in the picture."

[Moliere]

Since when did bishops start extending EQP callings? The SP called me.

She was obviously hoping for the EQP calling as everyone women loves the social status that comes with being married to the EQP. Now she has to live with the fact that her husband will probably never even become SS President.