I learned in church today

[falafel]

This is pretty good. But not quite as good as the discussion an Institute teacher in Logan walked us right up to the edge and then left us to fall into our new reality of knowing that the reason we know that Adam and Eve didn’t have children in the garden was because their bodies were still perfect i.e. didn’t have blood and therefore Adam was physically unable to have an erection making ejaculation and conception impossible.


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Shit man. Eternity is going to feel like an eterrrrrrrnity.

[Northwestcoug]

Shit man. Eternity is going to feel like an eterrrrrrrnity.

Oh man you're right! No blood after the resurrection! This counts for even the celestial kingdom dwellers!

[All-American]

Oh man you're right! No blood after the resurrection! This counts for even the celestial kingdom dwellers!

Not a problem, guys. Haven’t you read about Moses turning the snake into a staff?

[Green Monstah]

Oh man you're right! No blood after the resurrection! This counts for even the celestial kingdom dwellers!

Guys: no blood, but still flesh and "bone". I think we're gonna be okay.

[Green Monstah]

My freshman year seminary teacher speculated that those who violated their chastity covenants would be eunuchs in the terrestrial kingdom. I didn't know the word, so I asked what it meant. He explained the medieval definition but clarified that it may not be eunuchs in the same sense, but that our genitals would either be non-existent or non-functional.

[falafel]

Guys: no blood, but still flesh and "bone". I think we're gonna be okay.

Permabone. Erections lasting more than 4 hours are not good.

[Northwestcoug]

Not a problem, guys. Haven’t you read about Moses turning the snake into a staff?

Permabone. Erections lasting more than 4 hours are not good.

If it's a choice between celestial viagra and a permabone, please give me the former!

[Jeff Lebowski]

Dwight Schr-ute always has some of the best stories.

[creekster]

My freshman year seminary teacher speculated that those who violated their chastity covenants would be eunuchs in the terrestrial kingdom. I didn't know the word, so I asked what it meant. He explained the medieval definition but clarified that it may not be eunuchs in the same sense, but that our genitals would either be non-existent or non-functional.

SOUnds like an Anne Rice vampire. And what on earth is the point of that speculation?

These stories are hilarious but also a bit sad, given that they are likely true and that few or none of us have any difficulty believing they are true.

[Jeff Lebowski]

SOUnds like an Anne Rice vampire. And what on earth is the point of that speculation?

These stories are hilarious but also a bit sad, given that they are likely true and that few or none of us have any difficulty believing they are true.

Of course we believe them, because they originated from Joseph Fielding Smith.

https://faithpromotingrumor.wordpres...smoothie-rule/

[SCcoug]

Of course we believe them, because they originated from Joseph Fielding Smith.

https://faithpromotingrumor.wordpres...smoothie-rule/

Also YO likes to bring it up occasionally with our apostates.

[RC Vikings]

http://www.cougarstadium.com/showthr...l=1#post389497

Coming up on 10 years since I learned how efficient (or inefficient, as BYU71 pointed out) our temple work is. Also, RIP BYU71 and RIP Slim.

I played golf with BYU71 about five weeks ago, he's still hitting it long and straight and very much alive.

[creekster]

Of course we believe them, because they originated from Joseph Fielding Smith.

https://faithpromotingrumor.wordpres...smoothie-rule/

Yes, the Doctrines of Salvation volumes are full of this sort of stuff. DIfferent era.

[Green Monstah]

Of course we believe them, because they originated from Joseph Fielding Smith.

https://faithpromotingrumor.wordpres...smoothie-rule/

Part of me is repulsed that this originated from a guy that lived in the same century as me, and part of me is relieved that my seminary teacher didn't come up with this theory whole cloth.

[smokymountainrain]

My freshman year seminary teacher speculated that those who violated their chastity covenants would be eunuchs in the terrestrial kingdom. I didn't know the word, so I asked what it meant. He explained the medieval definition but clarified that it may not be eunuchs in the same sense, but that our genitals would either be non-existent or non-functional.

gotta love seminary teachers.

[MartyFunkhouser]

gotta love seminary teachers.

My 9th grade seminary teacher bragged to the class that his wife got pregnant on their honeymoon. He also stated that when they got married he told her that she needed to drop out of school, give up her full ride scholarship, and be a full time wife and mother.

[falafel]

My 9th grade seminary teacher bragged to the class that his wife got pregnant on their honeymoon. He also stated that when they got married he told her that she needed to drop out of school, give up her full ride scholarship, and be a full time wife and mother.

Its too bad she was powerless to reject that suggestion. Powerless.

[MartyFunkhouser]

Its too bad she was powerless to reject that suggestion. Powerless.

I think you missed the bigger point here. It is lessons like this that are taught to young children that make girls believe that they shouldn't reject these type of suggestions. Certainly, you can't think that a seminary teacher teaching this is okay? It was entirely inappropriate for him to teach the class that he had authority over his wife to tell her to do these things and she needed to comply.

Sure she could have rejected the suggestion, but she had been socialized to not reject it.

[Eddie]

I think you missed the bigger point here. It is lessons like this that are taught to young children that make girls believe that they shouldn't reject these type of suggestions. Certainly, you can't think that a seminary teacher teaching this is okay? It was entirely inappropriate for him to teach the class that he had authority over his wife to tell her to do these things and she needed to comply.

Sure she could have rejected the suggestion, but she had been socialized to not reject it.

There are a lot of things that my kids hear at church and school (along with on the radio, TV, online, social media, from friends, etc., etc., etc.,) that we talk about and I hope they don't take as 100% accurate truth all the time because they heard it somewhere.

I'm sure there are other things that they hear that we don't necessarily talk about specifically - and I feel like it's my job as a parent to teach them good principles in general so that they hear a competing voice when someone tells them stupid stuff.

Honestly - having a seminary teacher say stupid stuff now and then is probably a net positive. While I hope my kids will generally listen to leaders at church, school teachers, etc., I also hope that they engage their brains and don't believe all of the stupid stuff they'll hear too. Because I know they're going to hear it. And I want them to know that some people who are pretty smart at times and say some pretty good stuff at times, also sometimes say stupid stuff.

[creekster]

There are a lot of things that my kids hear at church and school (along with on the radio, TV, online, social media, from friends, etc., etc., etc.,) that we talk about and I hope they don't take as 100% accurate truth all the time because they heard it somewhere.

I'm sure there are other things that they hear that we don't necessarily talk about specifically - and I feel like it's my job as a parent to teach them good principles in general so that they hear a competing voice when someone tells them stupid stuff.

Honestly - having a seminary teacher say stupid stuff now and then is probably a net positive. While I hope my kids will generally listen to leaders at church, school teachers, etc., I also hope that they engage their brains and don't believe all of the stupid stuff they'll hear too. Because I know they're going to hear it. And I want them to know that some people who are pretty smart at times and say some pretty good stuff at times, also sometimes say stupid stuff.

Good points. I guess Funk must also be dismayed at the normative ideas being hammered into kids in school these days. Goose/gander sort of thing.

[falafel]

I think you missed the bigger point here. It is lessons like this that are taught to young children that make girls believe that they shouldn't reject these type of suggestions. Certainly, you can't think that a seminary teacher teaching this is okay? It was entirely inappropriate for him to teach the class that he had authority over his wife to tell her to do these things and she needed to comply.

Sure she could have rejected the suggestion, but she had been socialized to not reject it.

Or, perhaps, she agreed with her husband. Just because someone doesn't agree with your opinion and analysis (which comes 20 years after the fact) does not mean they have been brain-washed.

[MartyFunkhouser]

Or, perhaps, she agreed with her husband. Just because someone doesn't agree with your opinion and analysis (which comes 20 years after the fact) does not mean they have been brain-washed.

She might have agreed with her husband, but that is not how he presented it to the class. He presented it to the class that he dictated it and presented it as the standard that everyone else should do. Basically, that he is the husband and he calls the shots because he presides. He used it as an example of a husband presiding over the family.

[Katy Lied]

By the time kids are 8, they know all about homosexuality, transgenderism, polyamory, cutting and self-harm, how to send nude pix, and how to worship youtubers. I'm not going to get up in a twist about some guy teaching male patriarchy.

[All-American]

My 9th grade seminary teacher bragged to the class that his wife got pregnant on their honeymoon. He also stated that when they got married he told her that she needed to drop out of school, give up her full ride scholarship, and be a full time wife and mother.

My wife once went to a fast and testimony meeting in which a sister got up to the pulpit and tearfully expressed how grateful she was that her husband had a good job that provided enough that she could stay at home, etc. As it turns out, they had no children. What she did all day, I could only guess.

[Joe Public]

My wife once went to a fast and testimony meeting in which a sister got up to the pulpit and tearfully expressed how grateful she was that her husband had a good job that provided enough that she could stay at home, etc. As it turns out, they had no children. What she did all day, I could only guess.

Hah. I would be grateful, too.

[myboynoah]

She might have agreed with her husband, but that is not how he presented it to the class. He presented it to the class that he dictated it and presented it as the standard that everyone else should do. Basically, that he is the husband and he calls the shots because he presides. He used it as an example of a husband presiding over the family.

I remember early on in my marriage telling someone in the presence of my wife that while we were dating I told her that I would not marry her unless she converted to LDSism. That was a very abbreviated version of the actual experience, but it seemed to fit the context of conversation at the time. Later that evening mrs. myboynnoah kindly corrected my version of events. I never made that mistake again.

We all say a lot of really stupid things concerning our interpersonal relationships, especially in marriage. That does not mean that they are true reflections of what actually happened or is happening. Or that evolution in a relationship does not happen over time.

But yours is another very good example of the stupid things Church instructors have said.

[Surfah]

Since we're sharing batshit crazy things seminary teachers said, my freshman year I had a teacher who was a mortician. He was a weird dude. One day he told us he saw Satan. They had a rocking chair at the funeral home and it began to rock. Then Satan basically materialized sitting in the chair and rocking. Our seminary teacher promptly cast him out. Someone in the class asked what Satan looked like and he said he looked very neat and handsome. Lol.

[Northwestcoug]

Since we're sharing batshit crazy things seminary teachers said, my freshman year I had a teacher who was a mortician. He was a weird dude. One day he told us he saw Satan. They had a rocking chair at the funeral home and it began to rock. Then Satan basically materialized sitting in the chair and rocking. Our seminary teacher promptly cast him out. Someone in the class asked what Satan looked like and he said he liked very neat and handsome. Lol.

Now THAT, that is solid batshit crazy. Love it.

By and large, morticians are a little weird. Nice people, just slightly off. But I’ve heard the same things said about pathologists

[Jeff Lebowski]

Dang it. I feel like I’ve been cheated by having normal seminary teachers.

[clackamascoug]

Dang it. I feel like I’ve been cheated by having normal seminary teachers.

You know how the saying goes... if you don't think your seminary teachers were BSC - it's because your BSC too.

bazinga!