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Thread: I learned in church today

  1. #7711
    a day late/a dollar short Sullyute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
    You seem like a pleasant person.
    Our fatherís and sons/daughters campout is the Friday before Fatherís day. Hopefully the SMRís of the ward stay home so the rest of us can enjoy making fun of them behind their backs!
    "Friendship is the grand fundamental principle of Mormonism" - Joseph Smith Jr.

  2. #7712
    Members Only Dwight Schr-ute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SCcoug View Post
    I he wanted your comment he would have invited you to comment.



    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

  3. #7713

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    Quote Originally Posted by smokymountainrain View Post
    father/daughter, father/son campouts are stupid and I never go. if I want to go camping with my son, I go camping with my son. if I want to go camping with my daughters, I go camping with my daughters. if I want other people there, I invite other people - the people of my choosing. I don't need the ward to organize it and choose the place - nor do I want them to.
    I respectfully request an invite. In support of my request, I promise to remain a faithful member of the Alec Burks fan club.
    The crux of what has traumatized us about CUF/CG is that we thought they were our friends. And their identity as BYU fans turned out to be the most important thing to them. What empty lives! What a damning indictment of the LDS Church!
    --SeattleUte

    He who drinks beer sleeps well. He who sleeps well cannot sin. He who does not sin goes to heaven. The logic is impeccable.
    --Charles W. Bamforth, Ph.D.

  4. #7714

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sullyute View Post
    Our fatherís and sons/daughters campout is the Friday before Fatherís day. Hopefully the SMRís of the ward stay home so the rest of us can enjoy making fun of them behind their backs!
    We will! Enjoy your shitty food and lack of shade!
    I'm like LeBron James.
    -mpfunk

  5. #7715
    вот так штука CardiacCoug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crockett View Post
    As priesthood holders / agents of God, we still have agency. We have to choose to endure to the end. We have to choose to keep the covenants we have made. Accepting the priesthood is still a probationary state. The process of sanctification is one where we continue to sin, but over time it should be less and less. Repentance is the process of quitting things we are supposed to not do and starting to do the things we are supposed to. This is a gradual process, a ladder, and we continue this climb/path in an imperfect, yet justified state, because of our continuous repenting, the Atonement, and our covenants. Ultimately, when we have proven faithful enough we will be fully sanctified, but for now we are justified by the grace of God, BECAUSE WE STILL SIN. Also, agency is a divine principle -- God possesses and exercises His agency based on a full knowledge of good and evil ("ye shall be as gods knowing good and evil"). He knows sin brings pain and death and always chooses good.
    Whoa how do you know all this stuff?

    Isnít all this far too abstract and theoretical to put out there like itís math or science?

    Seriously I donít understand how anybody can think he knows all this very specific stuff about what God supposedly does and knows and agency and repentance and justification and atonement and all this stuff works.

    You understand that people have just made all this stuff up, right? The biggest mistake is thinking any of that stuff you state with such assurance is knowable or known by you.

  6. #7716

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    It’s always interesting to see which religious post will set Cardiac off.

  7. #7717

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    You understand that people have made all this stuff up, right?

    Lol. Love cardiac.
    I'm like LeBron James.
    -mpfunk

  8. #7718
    Princeps Inter Pares
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    Quote Originally Posted by CardiacCoug View Post
    Whoa how do you know all this stuff?

    ...

    Seriously I donít understand how anybody can think he knows all this very specific stuff about what God supposedly does and knows and agency and repentance and justification and atonement and all this stuff works.
    Revelation!
    τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

  9. #7719
    вот так штука CardiacCoug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northwestcoug View Post
    It’s always interesting to see which religious post will set Cardiac off.
    It’s the glib certainty and lecturing, condescending tone that triggers me I think.

  10. #7720
    Bald not naked Pelado's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by All-American View Post
    Revelation!
    According to John Taylor, present revelation is the foundation of our religion.
    "I think it was King Benjamin who said 'you sorry ass shitbags who have no skills that the market values also have an obligation to have the attitude that if one day you do in fact win the PowerBall Lottery that you will then impart of your substance to those without.'"
    - Goatnapper'96

  11. #7721
    Local Character clackamascoug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CardiacCoug View Post
    Itís the glib certainty and lecturing, condescending tone that triggers me I think.
    I think you dosed out an equal amount of glib certainty, lecturing, and condescension to poor Brother Crockett.

    Don't turn on me, I'm only the messenger.

    When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
    -Mid Summer's Night Dream


  12. #7722
    Royal Rooter Green Monstah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by smokymountainrain View Post
    You understand that people have made all this stuff up, right?

    Lol. Love cardiac.
    I did a double-take to make sure it wasn't SoonerCoug's avi.
    Jesus wants me for a sunbeam.

    "Cog dis is a bitch." -James Patterson

  13. #7723

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    Study question for next week:

    How do I honor and please myself instead of honoring God?

    Ahem.

  14. #7724
    Senior Member Eddie's Avatar
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    The government forces everyone to have a colonoscopy.

    This was in Teacher's Quorum. I'm not sure what made the kid an expert on colonoscopies, but I guess his step-dad is a Dr.

    He insisted that the government forces everyone to have one, whether they want it or not. I stopped the discussion to assure the other boys that the government does not force this on everyone. He followed up with something along the lines of basically requiring it and talking everyone into getting it done.

    Weird conversation for a Teacher's Quorum. Then again - I think about anything is game in the 14 yr old mind.

  15. #7725
    𐐐𐐄𐐢𐐆𐐤𐐝 𐐓𐐅 𐐜 𐐢𐐃𐐡𐐔 Uncle Ted's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie View Post
    The government forces everyone to have a colonoscopy.

    This was in Teacher's Quorum. I'm not sure what made the kid an expert on colonoscopies, but I guess his step-dad is a Dr.

    He insisted that the government forces everyone to have one, whether they want it or not. I stopped the discussion to assure the other boys that the government does not force this on everyone. He followed up with something along the lines of basically requiring it and talking everyone into getting it done.

    Weird conversation for a Teacher's Quorum. Then again - I think about anything is game in the 14 yr old mind.
    LOL... yeah, the government does force everyone to have a colonoscopy. I would have told the kid what the government actually does to everyone is a lot worse and left it at that.
    "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
    "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
    "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

  16. #7726
    My Mic Sounds Nice falafel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Ted View Post
    LOL... yeah, the government does force everyone to have a colonoscopy. I would have told the kid what the government actually does to everyone is a lot worse and left it at that.
    Sounds like the kid was talking figuratively.
    Ain't it like most people, I'm no different. We love to talk on things we don't know about.

    "The only one of us who is so significant that Jeff owes us something simply because he decided to grace us with his presence is falafel." -- All-American

    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

  17. #7727
    it's all a blur mtnbiker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by falafel View Post
    Sounds like the kid was talking figuratively.
    Or maybe he'd heard his step dad say something about getting reamed by the govt. and thought it was the same thing.

  18. #7728
    My Mic Sounds Nice falafel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mtnbiker View Post
    Or maybe he'd heard his step dad say something about getting reamed by the govt. and thought it was the same thing.
    That was the figuratively speaking I was talking about!
    Ain't it like most people, I'm no different. We love to talk on things we don't know about.

    "The only one of us who is so significant that Jeff owes us something simply because he decided to grace us with his presence is falafel." -- All-American

    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

  19. #7729

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    I learned that the speaker, who was new to the ward, not only attended Harvard but earned his master's degree from Harvard. I also learned that he is a fantasy novelist. I learned all of that within the first two minutes. Sadly, the rest of his talk did not do his resume justice.
    "In heaven, all the interesting people are missing." - Friedrich Nietzsche

  20. #7730
    Where's Wallace? Surfah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Non Sequitur View Post
    I learned that the speaker, who was new to the ward, not only attended Harvard but earned his master's degree from Harvard. I also learned that he is a fantasy novelist. I learned all of that within the first two minutes. Sadly, the rest of his talk did not do his resume justice.
    What were you doing in sacrament meeting?
    "Nobody listens to Turtle."
    -Turtle

  21. #7731

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    Quote Originally Posted by Surfah View Post
    What were you doing in sacrament meeting?
    Occasionally I indulge friends and family.
    "In heaven, all the interesting people are missing." - Friedrich Nietzsche

  22. #7732
    Local Character clackamascoug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Non Sequitur View Post
    Occasionally I indulge friends and family.
    If you paid for that indulgence... you went to the wrong church.

    When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
    -Mid Summer's Night Dream


  23. #7733
    Senior Member Clark Addison's Avatar
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    Currently sitting in sacrament meeting in a new ward after a huge stake boundary re-org.

    To answer everyoneís most urgent concern, Parrot Head and I are still in the same ward.

    This is the fourth split/boundary change since we have lived here. We are now back in a ward that we were founding members of ten years or so ago.

    Anyway, the bishop just made a comment that inspired this post. We are on the 1:00 schedule, and due to a dearth of people in callings, we only have sacrament meeting today (yay!). As he stood up to bear his testimony, he said ďsince we have no other meetings today, we can go as late as 2:30 with your testimoniesĒ.

    I could have sworn that my 13 year old daughter never lets a word of sacrament meeting penetrate her brain, but I guess I was wrong because she jerked her head up in shock, and turned to me with a look of despair.

    The next 45 minutes will go a long way in determining how I feel about this new ward. If the members take the bishopís words to heart and we have a 90 minute F&T meeting, I donít know if I will ever be able to fit in here.

  24. #7734

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    General Conference never runs late. At times, it ends early. We review conference talks half the month. You would think we would follow the example of the brethren in time management as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Clark Addison View Post
    Currently sitting in sacrament meeting in a new ward after a huge stake boundary re-org.

    To answer everyoneís most urgent concern, Parrot Head and I are still in the same ward.

    This is the fourth split/boundary change since we have lived here. We are now back in a ward that we were founding members of ten years or so ago.

    Anyway, the bishop just made a comment that inspired this post. We are on the 1:00 schedule, and due to a dearth of people in callings, we only have sacrament meeting today (yay!). As he stood up to bear his testimony, he said ďsince we have no other meetings today, we can go as late as 2:30 with your testimoniesĒ.

    I could have sworn that my 13 year old daughter never lets a word of sacrament meeting penetrate her brain, but I guess I was wrong because she jerked her head up in shock, and turned to me with a look of despair.

    The next 45 minutes will go a long way in determining how I feel about this new ward. If the members take the bishopís words to heart and we have a 90 minute F&T meeting, I donít know if I will ever be able to fit in here.

  25. #7735
    Senior Member Clark Addison's Avatar
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    It is now 2:06. Anyone who stands up is officially on my list.

  26. #7736

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clark Addison View Post
    It is now 2:06. Anyone who stands up is officially on my list.
    You could just stand up and leave
    The crux of what has traumatized us about CUF/CG is that we thought they were our friends. And their identity as BYU fans turned out to be the most important thing to them. What empty lives! What a damning indictment of the LDS Church!
    --SeattleUte

    He who drinks beer sleeps well. He who sleeps well cannot sin. He who does not sin goes to heaven. The logic is impeccable.
    --Charles W. Bamforth, Ph.D.

  27. #7737

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    Quote Originally Posted by LVAllen View Post
    General Conference never runs late. At times, it ends early. We review conference talks half the month. You would think we would follow the example of the brethren in time management as well.
    Mack follows the brethren. Always starts right on time and let's us out on time out early, even if he has to skip something that was on his list to work on.
    ďEvery player dreams of being a Yankee, and if they donít itís because they never got the chance.Ē Aroldis Chapman

  28. #7738
    Senior Member Clark Addison's Avatar
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    Update, the "amen" of the closing prayer was updated at 2:27. This new ward has an uphill battle with me.

    The only plus was that one of the OT testimonies was from the stake patriarch who gave me a shout out.

  29. #7739
    Princeps Inter Pares
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    Quote Originally Posted by MartyFunkhouser View Post
    You could just stand up and leave
    Surprisingly, I am 100% with funk on this one. Get up and go. You put in your time.
    τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

  30. #7740
    The dude abides Jeff Lebowski's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by All-American View Post
    Surprisingly, I am 100% with funk on this one. Get up and go. You put in your time.


    Running a meeting too long is dumb. So is walking out if it goes long.
    "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
    "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
    "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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