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I learned in church today

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  • Originally posted by YOhio View Post
    Who knows? Maybe they'll marry into money, have a great family and get to ride 4-wheelers at work every day. Who could be a cynic with a life like that?
    That there puts it all in perspective.

    When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
    -Mid Summer's Night Dream

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    • Originally posted by HuskyFreeNorthwest View Post
      Someone who is a real POS, obviously.
      whateva
      Dio perdona tante cose per un’opera di misericordia
      God forgives many things for an act of mercy
      Alessandro Manzoni

      Knock it off. This board has enough problems without a dose of middle-age lechery.

      pelagius

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      • Pass, thanks.
        Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them, along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame set at gas mark “egg on your face”! -- Moss

        There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese. --Coach Finstock

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        • Visit from the SP today, he said no kid in the stake should have Internet or picture messaging capabilities on a phone or iPod.

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          • Originally posted by fusnik View Post
            Visit from the SP today, he said no kid in the stake should have Internet or picture messaging capabilities on a phone or iPod.
            As a cheap son of a bitch, this is just the kind of inspired leadership I hope my kids are privileged to serve under when they approach puberty.
            I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

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            • Speaking of electronics at church, we were visiting another ward today and the speaker said that he brought his non-LDS boss to church and he later commented that he was shocked at how may people were using electronic devices at church. The speaker explained that the devices can be used to read lesson manuals, scriptures, etc. The boss said that that would not explain all the devices used during sacrament meeting. The speaker concluded that all of the slackers in the ward using electronic devices to play games or check on sports scores had cost the church a convert.

              I leaned over and whispered to my wife that it was a shame we lost out on the guy. With the ability to pronounce superficial judgement like that, he would have fit right in.
              "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
              "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
              "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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              • Another funny thing at the same ward: kid in the bench two rows in front of us takes a small sip from his sacrament cup and the throws the remaining water right in the face of his sister. His sister runs down the row (almost knocking over the tray) to tattle. Mom mumbles something and the sister goes back and stops in front of the brother, sticks out her tongue, and punches him in the stomach. Then when the tray comes back on the way out the both grab it the same time and start fighting over it. Only a quick move by the attentive deacon saved the tray from flying to the ground.

                Those of you worrying about how your kids behave at church, I bet you can't top that.
                "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
                "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
                "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

                Comment


                • I think I mistakenly went to the church of the US constitution today.
                  "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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                  • Originally posted by Moliere View Post
                    I think I mistakenly went to the church of the US constitution today.
                    I missed my sacrament meeting today, but from what I heard it was about missionary work. There wasn't even a patriotic hymn listed in the program. I arrived just in time to be roped into subbing for nursery. On the bright side, it is better than going to elders quorum.

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                    • Originally posted by Stick View Post
                      I missed my sacrament meeting today, but from what I heard it was about missionary work. There wasn't even a patriotic hymn listed in the program. I arrived just in time to be roped into subbing for nursery. On the bright side, it is better than going to elders quorum.
                      I actually like when that happens to me.
                      Will donate kidney for B12 membership.

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                      • Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                        Another funny thing at the same ward: kid in the bench two rows in front of us takes a small sip from his sacrament cup and the throws the remaining water right in the face of his sister. His sister runs down the row (almost knocking over the tray) to tattle. Mom mumbles something and the sister goes back and stops in front of the brother, sticks out her tongue, and punches him in the stomach. Then when the tray comes back on the way out the both grab it the same time and start fighting over it. Only a quick move by the attentive deacon saved the tray from flying to the ground.

                        Those of you worrying about how your kids behave at church, I bet you can't top that.
                        Sad behavior indeed. If this kid had any understanding of the atonement and the sacrament, he would have spit in her face and THEN taken the sacrament.
                        I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                          Another funny thing at the same ward: kid in the bench two rows in front of us takes a small sip from his sacrament cup and the throws the remaining water right in the face of his sister. His sister runs down the row (almost knocking over the tray) to tattle. Mom mumbles something and the sister goes back and stops in front of the brother, sticks out her tongue, and punches him in the stomach. Then when the tray comes back on the way out the both grab it the same time and start fighting over it. Only a quick move by the attentive deacon saved the tray from flying to the ground.

                          Those of you worrying about how your kids behave at church, I bet you can't top that.
                          Can't top it, but observed a funny thing as I ended helping to pass today. A mother takes a piece of bread and hands it to her 3 year old. The 3 year old folds her arms, purses her lips and shakes her head no. The unfazed mom took the piece of bread and grabbed the girl by the back of her head and crammed the bread into her mouth.

                          When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
                          -Mid Summer's Night Dream

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by clackamascoug View Post
                            Can't top it, but observed a funny thing as I ended helping to pass today. A mother takes a piece of bread and hands it to her 3 year old. The 3 year old folds her arms, purses her lips and shakes her head no. The unfazed mom took the piece of bread and grabbed the girl by the back of her head and crammed the bread into her mouth.
                            Out of habit I'm sure. I've done that with dinner and my own kids before.

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                            • I learned that the wonderful ground-breaking revelation lowering the missionary age is a fulfillment of scripture that will "hasten the work" of the Lord.
                              "Yeah, but never trust a Ph.D who has an MBA as well. The PhD symbolizes intelligence and discipline. The MBA symbolizes lust for power." -- Katy Lied

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                              • That no unhallowed hand will stop the chapel cleaning program. Thursday July 4, 8 p.m. We'll see you there!
                                I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

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