Page 2 of 260 FirstFirst 12341252102 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 7800

Thread: I learned in church today

  1. #31
    The dude abides Jeff Lebowski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The heart of the UC
    Posts
    47,567

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Donuthole View Post
    I accompanied our youth to do baptisms for the dead last week. While we were waiting in the baptristry chapel, the brother presiding over the baptistry spoke to the youth, many of whom were there doing baptisms for the first time. During his sermon, he was emphasizing the importance of vicarious temple work when he stated the following:

    "It has been estimated that 80 to 85 percent of the temple work we do for the dead is accepted by those in the spirit world for whom the work is performed."

    I was quickly found covering my mouth to prevent myself from laughing out loud.


    Thread winner thus far.
    "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
    "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
    "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

  2. #32
    One man.....one pie Moliere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    The Republic of Tejas
    Posts
    20,885

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Donuthole View Post
    I accompanied our youth to do baptisms for the dead last week. While we were waiting in the baptristry chapel, the brother presiding over the baptistry spoke to the youth, many of whom were there doing baptisms for the first time. During his sermon, he was emphasizing the importance of vicarious temple work when he stated the following:

    "It has been estimated that 80 to 85 percent of the temple work we do for the dead is accepted by those in the spirit world for whom the work is performed."

    I was quickly found covering my mouth to prevent myself from laughing out loud.
    Well, technically he is probably right in that someone, somewhere estimated those percentages.

    In my last TR interview, the interviewer started off by saying that it has been said that by holding a TR shows that you qualify for the CK. I'm sure someone has said that somewhere but that lends no credence to the statement. I quickly told him my wife and kids were waiting impatiently in the car so it would behoove him to just ask the questions so I could get out of there as fast as possible.

  3. #33

    Default

    Fascinating.

  4. #34
    Senior Member byu71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    22,127

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Jones View Post
    Well, technically he is probably right in that someone, somewhere estimated those percentages.

    In my last TR interview, the interviewer started off by saying that it has been said that by holding a TR shows that you qualify for the CK. I'm sure someone has said that somewhere but that lends no credence to the statement. I quickly told him my wife and kids were waiting impatiently in the car so it would behoove him to just ask the questions so I could get out of there as fast as possible.
    LOL, did you really? When I was married and really, really wanted my TR, I would say whatever I thought the interviewer wanted me to say, well on the Stake level. Not that I would lie, but whatever he said I would nod my head yes.

    After the divorce, I guess I don't feel the need to have one as much, so I pretty much speak up when I disagree. I have yet to be denied over disagreeing, but had a couple of strong admonishments given to me. I probably should just agree and move on. Either way I leave with the spirits of BS and that isn't good.

  5. #35
    One man.....one pie Moliere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    The Republic of Tejas
    Posts
    20,885

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by byu71 View Post
    LOL, did you really? When I was married and really, really wanted my TR, I would say whatever I thought the interviewer wanted me to say, well on the Stake level. Not that I would lie, but whatever he said I would nod my head yes.

    After the divorce, I guess I don't feel the need to have one as much, so I pretty much speak up when I disagree. I have yet to be denied over disagreeing, but had a couple of strong admonishments given to me. I probably should just agree and move on. Either way I leave with the spirits of BS and that isn't good.
    hopefully I didn't mislead you since I didn't tell him that someone, somewhere could have said that but I did tell him to cut to the chase and get on with it, which he did. I don't mind shooting the breeze with my bishop since he's a cool guy and I enjoy talking to him, but at the stake level since I don't know anyone I just want to get it done with, especially when it's 8pm and I've been waiting 30 minutes and I was the 3rd person in line. A 15 minute TR interview is too much unless the person comes out of the interview crying, which didn't happen in this instance.

  6. #36

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Donuthole View Post
    I accompanied our youth to do baptisms for the dead last week. While we were waiting in the baptristry chapel, the brother presiding over the baptistry spoke to the youth, many of whom were there doing baptisms for the first time. During his sermon, he was emphasizing the importance of vicarious temple work when he stated the following:

    "It has been estimated that 80 to 85 percent of the temple work we do for the dead is accepted by those in the spirit world for whom the work is performed."

    I was quickly found covering my mouth to prevent myself from laughing out loud.
    That really pisses me off. That means I've been baptized at least 500 times for naught. I've missed watching football games for those unaccepting, spirit prison dwelling bastards. Never again.

  7. #37
    Semper infra dignitatem PaloAltoCougar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Pleasanton, CA
    Posts
    11,943

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by byu71 View Post
    I would have probably been quite sad. He was a Temple Worker after all and would know the 85% to be accurate. I mean he had to get that number for some really high up person in the church.

    By the way, why do some people say someone died because they had to be called to the other side to do missionary work. How hard could missionary work be on the other side?
    Well if they're still leaving 15-20% on the table, given the heavenly venue, it must either be pretty difficult or we're calling a bunch of stiffs to be missionaries.

  8. #38
    Senior Member byu71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    22,127

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PaloAltoCougar View Post
    Well if they're still leaving 15-20% on the table, given the heavenly venue, it must either be pretty difficult or we're calling a bunch of stiffs to be missionaries.
    Hadn't thought of it that way. My thoughts were it should be a slam dunk and therefor you don't need to bring the "best of the best" home early to be missionaries. However, you make a good point. Under those circumstances, 80-85% is a bad percentage.

  9. #39

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PaloAltoCougar View Post
    Well if they're still leaving 15-20% on the table, given the heavenly venue, it must either be pretty difficult or we're calling a bunch of stiffs to be missionaries.
    You know, the more I think about this the more I bet that 15-20% of people don't realize they're gay until they die. Then they automatically realize that they hate Mormons. Nothing those missionaries can do about that.

  10. #40
    𐐐𐐄𐐢𐐆𐐤𐐝 𐐓𐐅 𐐜 𐐢𐐃𐐡𐐔 Uncle Ted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Where ∑ ★ = 1
    Posts
    19,447

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RobinFinderson View Post
    Hmmm... did the events described in the BOM happen 50 million years ago?
    Uncle Ted riding the american horse:



    Any more questions?
    "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
    "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
    "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

  11. #41
    CS Institutional Memory Jarid in Cedar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Up on western high
    Posts
    12,892

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SLCPunk View Post
    Fascinating.
    Do you plan to expand to 2 words on your 2nd post, 3 words on your 3rd post,..etc
    "The first thing I learned upon becoming a head coach after fifteen years as an assistant was the enormous difference between making a suggestion and making a decision."

    "They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression."

    "I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me."

    -Rick Majerus

  12. #42
    Semper infra dignitatem PaloAltoCougar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Pleasanton, CA
    Posts
    11,943

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CJF View Post
    You know, the more I think about this the more I bet that 15-20% of people don't realize they're gay until they die. Then they automatically realize that they hate Mormons. Nothing those missionaries can do about that.
    Reminds me of a favorite Mark Twain quote: "Heaven for the climate; Hell for the company."

  13. #43

    Default

    I learned that women CEO's are evil.

  14. #44
    aka Benito Hazard thesaint258's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    My castle!
    Posts
    3,009

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fusnik View Post
    I learned that women CEO's are evil.
    Because they're women, CEOs, or both?
    Not that, sickos.

  15. #45
    aka... UtahDan's Wifey
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Undisclosed Location
    Posts
    2,178

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by thesaint258 View Post
    Because they're women, CEOs, or both?
    Has to be both... Pray tell, fus. Give us some more context...

  16. #46

    Default

    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    "I don't mind giving the church 10% of my earnings, but 50% of my weekend mornings? Not as long as DirecTV NFL Sunday Ticket is around." - Daniel Tosh

  17. #47
    aka... UtahDan's Wifey
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Undisclosed Location
    Posts
    2,178

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    That is so COOL!!!!

    NOT!

  18. #48
    RIP CUF DU Ute's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Holladay
    Posts
    7,443

    Default

    I learned that the first thing you're supposed to do when given a subject for a talk is to look that word up in the dictionary.
    "In conclusion, let me give a shout-out to dirty sex. What a great thing it is" - Northwestcoug
    "And you people wonder why you've had extermination orders issued against you." - landpoke
    "Can't . . . let . . . foolish statements . . . by . . . BYU fans . . . go . . . unanswered . . . ." - LA Ute

  19. #49
    The dude abides Jeff Lebowski's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The heart of the UC
    Posts
    47,567

    Default

    We marched right down the middle of the Excalibur casino this morning in our Sunday clothes on the way to the car to go to church in Vegas. My daughter was proudly clutching her scriptures.

    Kind of weird to drive past all of the strip clubs and adult megastores on your way to church. You gotta love Vegas.
    "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
    "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
    "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

  20. #50
    Boom Bitches!!! BlueHair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    2,898

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    Do you get to bring beanbags and treats?

  21. #51
    Boom Bitches!!! BlueHair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    2,898

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
    We marched right down the middle of the Excalibur casino this morning in our Sunday clothes on the way to the car to go to church in Vegas. My daughter was proudly clutching her scriptures.

    Kind of weird to drive past all of the strip clubs and adult megastores on your way to church. You gotta love Vegas.
    That's funny. For some reason, I didn't picture you as a go to church on vacation guy. That would be a pretty funny sight watching you guys roll through the casino in your sunday's best.

  22. #52
    One man.....one pie Moliere's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    The Republic of Tejas
    Posts
    20,885

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    So you are going to listen to it together as a ward? If that is the case, most people will make it through maybe 1 Nephi before realizing they still haven't even begun with Almas 63 chapters. In other words, it wont last more than 1 hour.

  23. #53
    Time to camp HuskyFreeNorthwest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    The Eug
    Posts
    25,953

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
    We marched right down the middle of the Excalibur casino this morning in our Sunday clothes on the way to the car to go to church in Vegas. My daughter was proudly clutching her scriptures.

    Kind of weird to drive past all of the strip clubs and adult megastores on your way to church. You gotta love Vegas.
    You should have gone to Donut or falafel's ward.
    Get confident, stupid
    -landpoke

  24. #54

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eddie Jones View Post
    So you are going to listen to it together as a ward? If that is the case, most people will make it through maybe 1 Nephi before realizing they still haven't even begun with Almas 63 chapters. In other words, it wont last more than 1 hour.
    They are apparently piping it through the speakers throughout the ward except for in the chapel where people can go to sit and quietly read. I still can't believe anyone thought this was a good idea.
    "I don't mind giving the church 10% of my earnings, but 50% of my weekend mornings? Not as long as DirecTV NFL Sunday Ticket is around." - Daniel Tosh

  25. #55
    Soul Plumber wuapinmon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Hartsville, South Carolina
    Posts
    28,375

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    They are apparently piping it through the speakers throughout the ward except for in the chapel where people can go to sit and quietly read. I still can't believe anyone thought this was a good idea.
    I'm guessing the youth will especially love this.
    "Yeah, but never trust a Ph.D who has an MBA as well. The PhD symbolizes intelligence and discipline. The MBA symbolizes lust for power." -- Katy Lied

  26. #56
    Not Banned Tim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New York, NY
    Posts
    4,355

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    Talk about missing the mark. Somehow I don't think this is what the leaders of the church have in mind when they counsel us to "read the Book of Mormon." Is this intended to be a substitution for a daily scripture study over the course of a year?
    Visca Catalunya Lliure

  27. #57
    Heartless Bastard Indy Coug's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Living Large inside the 5th Circle
    Posts
    18,799

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    :vomits:

  28. #58
    Rabblerouser statman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Lehi
    Posts
    2,798

    Default

    I learned that you can't judge a book by it's cover - or a speaker by her (or his) title. Stake visitors talked. 1st counselor in the Stake RS gave a talk. I've never seen her before. She looked smart (maybe even 'wicked smaht'). Her talk sucked though. Rambling. Doctrinal flaws. Questionable discussion of Temple rites (IMO - you can quote PoGP verbatim and not mention the temple, and be on perfectly solid ground. But when you say 'in the temple we learn... <quote from PoGP> you're going off into uncharted waters...). Topic was supposed to be on receiving revelation in our lives, but ended up being really about the evils of card playing and dressing immodestly. She was all over the place. It was a wild ride...

    The visiting HC gave a fabulous talk, as always. He's a really likeable guy. Very doctrinally sound. Tells good stories. Very engaging speaker. I really like when he speaks.

  29. #59
    Rabblerouser statman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Lehi
    Posts
    2,798

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ewth8tr View Post
    I learned that the Book of Mormon on CD is 29 hours long, so we are going to have a ward book of mormon read-a-thon that will last 29 hours over 3 days. Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this one.
    Get it on MP3 and speed up the playback. I bet you can do it in 22 hours...

  30. #60
    My Mic Sounds Nice falafel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Las Wegas!
    Posts
    28,495

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
    We marched right down the middle of the Excalibur casino this morning in our Sunday clothes on the way to the car to go to church in Vegas. My daughter was proudly clutching her scriptures.

    Kind of weird to drive past all of the strip clubs and adult megastores on your way to church. You gotta love Vegas.
    You didn't happen to be with a big group (i.e. not just your immediate family) that left right after sacrament meeting, did you? My ward would have been a straight shot up Hacienda from the Excalibur and probably the closest chapel.
    Ain't it like most people, I'm no different. We love to talk on things we don't know about.

    "The only one of us who is so significant that Jeff owes us something simply because he decided to grace us with his presence is falafel." -- All-American

    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •