Originally posted by clackamascoug
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I learned in church today
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"There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
"It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
"Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster
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Originally posted by Clark Addison View PostFew things make me want to renounce my membership more than open Q and A sessions at stake training meetings.“Every player dreams of being a Yankee, and if they don’t it’s because they never got the chance.” Aroldis Chapman
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Originally posted by Surfah View PostSince we're sharing batshit crazy things seminary teachers said, my freshman year I had a teacher who was a mortician. He was a weird dude. One day he told us he saw Satan. They had a rocking chair at the funeral home and it began to rock. Then Satan basically materialized sitting in the chair and rocking. Our seminary teacher promptly cast him out. Someone in the class asked what Satan looked like and he said he looked very neat and handsome. Lol.
I've only known one non-LDS person in the field. She grew up in a funeral home and was mildly religious. I asked her if she had any cool stories of seeing spirits and what not and she was like "uh no, I'm not crazy, just the daughter of a mortician."
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Originally posted by Surfah View PostSince we're sharing batshit crazy things seminary teachers said, my freshman year I had a teacher who was a mortician. He was a weird dude. One day he told us he saw Satan. They had a rocking chair at the funeral home and it began to rock. Then Satan basically materialized sitting in the chair and rocking. Our seminary teacher promptly cast him out. Someone in the class asked what Satan looked like and he said he looked very neat and handsome. Lol.
I'm like LeBron James.
-mpfunk
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Originally posted by smokymountainrain View Posti believe him.
Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them, along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame set at gas mark “egg on your face”! -- Moss
There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese. --Coach Finstock
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Originally posted by Donuthole View PostHandsome, yes, but I’ve always pictured him as more of an 80’s jazz dancer.
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Tbh, they look kind of similar, just a few decades apart."...you pointy-headed autopsy nerd. Do you think it's possible for you to post without using words like "hilarious," "absurd," "canard," and "truther"? Your bare assertions do not make it so. Maybe your reasoning is too stunted and your vocabulary is too limited to go without these epithets."
"You are an intemperate, unscientific poster who makes light of very serious matters.”
- SeattleUte
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Originally posted by Surfah View PostSince we're sharing batshit crazy things seminary teachers said, my freshman year I had a teacher who was a mortician. He was a weird dude. One day he told us he saw Satan. They had a rocking chair at the funeral home and it began to rock. Then Satan basically materialized sitting in the chair and rocking. Our seminary teacher promptly cast him out. Someone in the class asked what Satan looked like and he said he looked very neat and handsome. Lol.Last edited by frank ryan; 11-08-2019, 10:28 PM.
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The stake president in the ward I visited this weekend spent a good five minutes telling the EQ that the brethren are emphasizing the use of “bishop” and “president” when addressing people at church in those respective callings. Utah wards, smh."Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf
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Originally posted by Moliere View PostThe stake president in the ward I visited this weekend spent a good five minutes telling the EQ that the brethren are emphasizing the use of “bishop” and “president” when addressing people at church in those respective callings. Utah wards, smh.
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Originally posted by Moliere View PostThe stake president in the ward I visited this weekend spent a good five minutes telling the EQ that the brethren are emphasizing the use of “bishop” and “president” when addressing people at church in those respective callings. Utah wards, smh.Ain't it like most people, I'm no different. We love to talk on things we don't know about.
"The only one of us who is so significant that Jeff owes us something simply because he decided to grace us with his presence is falafel." -- All-American
GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!
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Originally posted by Moliere View PostThe stake president in the ward I visited this weekend spent a good five minutes telling the EQ that the brethren are emphasizing the use of “bishop” and “president” when addressing people at church in those respective callings. Utah wards, smh."I think it was King Benjamin who said 'you sorry ass shitbags who have no skills that the market values also have an obligation to have the attitude that if one day you do in fact win the PowerBall Lottery that you will then impart of your substance to those without.'"
- Goatnapper'96
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Originally posted by falafel View PostYou don't call your bishop "Bishop"?"Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf
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