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I learned in church today

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  • I learned in church today

    That when a prophet specifically says he isn't prophesying but giving counsel he really is prophesying
    "Be a philosopher. A man can compromise to gain a point. It has become apparent that a man can, within limits, follow his inclinations within the arms of the Church if he does so discreetly." - The Walking Drum

    "And here’s what life comes down to—not how many years you live, but how many of those years are filled with bullshit that doesn’t amount to anything to satisfy the requirements of some dickhead you’ll never get the pleasure of punching in the face." – Adam Carolla

  • #2
    We really need an ongoing "Falsehoods I heard in Church today" thread.
    "In conclusion, let me give a shout-out to dirty sex. What a great thing it is" - Northwestcoug
    "And you people wonder why you've had extermination orders issued against you." - landpoke
    "Can't . . . let . . . foolish statements . . . by . . . BYU fans . . . go . . . unanswered . . . ." - LA Ute

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    • #3
      The speaker today was talking about Ammon feeding horses and I got so caught up thinking about the lack of evidence for precolumbian horses in the Americas that I totally missed her point. This kind of thing happens to me every Sunday.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Slim View Post
        The speaker today was talking about Ammon feeding horses and I got so caught up thinking about the lack of evidence for precolumbian horses in the Americas that I totally missed her point. This kind of thing happens to me every Sunday.
        Just out of curiousity, why do you continue to attend? It seems like a different church might be a better fit. I've been pondering attending different services. The problem is, I think my family would be more upset about me attending another church than not attending at all.
        Just try it once. One beer or one cigarette or one porno movie won't hurt. - Dallin H. Oaks

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        • #5
          Originally posted by BlueHair View Post
          Just out of curiousity, why do you continue to attend? It seems like a different church might be a better fit. I've been pondering attending different services. The problem is, I think my family would be more upset about me attending another church than not attending at all.
          I continue to attend because it makes my wife happy. Also my mother and grandmother would be crushed if I stopped.

          If I did "leave" the church it certainly wouldn't be to attend a different one.
          Last edited by Slim; 07-18-2010, 11:00 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Slim View Post
            I continue to attend because it makes my wife happy. Also my mother and grandmother would be crushed if I stopped.

            If I did "leave" the church it certainly wouldn't be to attend a different one.
            This is exactly how I've felt for years, until recently. I'm starting to feel like something is missing in my life, but every time I attend a Mormon service, I'm reminded it's not that. Maybe I just need to set aside some quiet time each week to ponder the mysteries of the universe.
            Just try it once. One beer or one cigarette or one porno movie won't hurt. - Dallin H. Oaks

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            • #7
              I learned that missionaries who go to Australia return with a strong Aussie accent. At least for the first several minutes of a sacrament talk.

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              • #8
                Our High Council speaker quoted from "An Enemy Hath Done This", but unfortunately, it wasn't one of the exciting parts.

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                • #9
                  I learned that the Roman empire fell due to homosexuality and that we need to learn from history or we will will repeat it.
                  "I don't mind giving the church 10% of my earnings, but 50% of my weekend mornings? Not as long as DirecTV NFL Sunday Ticket is around." - Daniel Tosh

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Slim View Post
                    The speaker today was talking about Ammon feeding horses and I got so caught up thinking about the lack of evidence for precolumbian horses in the Americas that I totally missed her point. This kind of thing happens to me every Sunday.
                    My great grandfather dug up a bunch of precolumbian horse bones in Wyoming for the Yale Peabody. They had three toes on each foot and were kind of too small to ride, however.

                    "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
                    "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
                    "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
                    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ted Nugent View Post
                      My great grandfather dug up a bunch of precolumbian horse bones in Wyoming for the Yale Peabody. They had three toes on each foot and were kind of too small to ride, however.

                      Slim just got owned!
                      *Banned*

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ted Nugent View Post
                        My great grandfather dug up a bunch of precolumbian horse bones in Wyoming for the Yale Peabody. They had three toes on each foot and were kind of too small to ride, however.

                        Hmmm... did the events described in the BOM happen 50 million years ago?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by cougjunkie View Post
                          Slim just got owned!
                          Considering the three toed mini-horses roamed the earth about the same time as these curelums


                          It all makes sense now. We're just way off on the BOM timeline.
                          Last edited by Slim; 07-18-2010, 05:40 PM.

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                          • #14
                            We had a dust up over Wikipedia in PH meeting.
                            Give 'em Hell, Cougars!!!

                            For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still.

                            Not long ago an obituary appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that said the recently departed had "died doing what he enjoyed most—watching BYU lose."

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by myboynoah View Post
                              We had a dust up over Wikipedia in PH meeting.
                              Sounds intense!

                              I learned that I shouldn't give my two-year old three pieces of gum right before he goes into nursery.

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