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I am extremely sympathetic to the families and friends of those gay youth whose recent suicides have been widely covered by national media. Bullying gay people because of their sexuality is a shameful but all-too-common occurrence that we have all witnessed. To my lasting shame, as a youth growing up in Montana, I participated in this sickening culture. Years later, at a HS reunion, I would learn that some of the youth who also participated in the demeaning of gay people in our town were themselves gay. Discussing our past actions, it was difficult to understand how we let ourselves do things that, given a few more years of growing up, would become so obviously despicable. Yet as much as I would like to think that our country is evolving in this ethical problem, one need only spend an hour playing an internet game like MW2 to see that the culture of hate is alive in well among the youth today, which means that many from my generation, rather than recognizing the errors of our youth, have chosen to pass them to the next generation. It is sickening.
That said, I think it is worth noting that there is a lot more than "bullying" that contributes to these tragic suicides. In particular, with the case of the young college student whose sex act was secretly videotaped and broadcast over the internet, I wonder if the term 'bullying' should be applied here. Obviously the deception was a terrible thing, and would have been regardless of the sexual preference of the young man who later took his life. But nothing I have read indicates that this gross impractical joke was perpetrated against the boy because he was gay. I witnessed some pretty stupid antics as a college freshman, and some of them could have resulted in tragic accidents, but had anything terrible happened, it would have been the result of young stupidity, and not some calculated design to destroy someone. I wonder if the tragedy of this youth isn't similar. I wonder if calling it 'bullying' doesn't add an unnecessary layer of culpability on a couple of young people who will already have to live with the consequences of their stupidity.
More specifically, I worry that by calling something 'bullying' that isn't in fact bullying, if we draw attention away from a different, but equally serious problem -- we live in a culture in which too many young gay people have been taught to feel utterly ashamed of who they are. Consider how the situation might be different had a straight young man's sexual conquest been broadcast on the internet. Would it have been embarrassing? Probably. But would it have ended in a tragic suicide? Probably not.
The tragedy of these suicides, and any other acts of self-loathing, has less to do with any single act that might push someone over the edge, and more to do with the larger culture that teaches these gay youth to hate themselves, to be ashamed of what they are, and to believe that their friends and family and community will reject them if they ever find out about their sexuality. Did this boy end his life because he was teased mercilessly, or because now the world would know his darkest secret, that he was gay?
This is the irreconcilable difference that exists between the gay community and the leadership of the LDS church. No matter how much the church decries 'bullying' and hate crimes, they will continue to teach that gay people should be ashamed of their gay behavior, and that society at large should not accept the legitimacy of a gay life. That isn't bullying... it is worse.
That said, I think it is worth noting that there is a lot more than "bullying" that contributes to these tragic suicides. In particular, with the case of the young college student whose sex act was secretly videotaped and broadcast over the internet, I wonder if the term 'bullying' should be applied here. Obviously the deception was a terrible thing, and would have been regardless of the sexual preference of the young man who later took his life. But nothing I have read indicates that this gross impractical joke was perpetrated against the boy because he was gay. I witnessed some pretty stupid antics as a college freshman, and some of them could have resulted in tragic accidents, but had anything terrible happened, it would have been the result of young stupidity, and not some calculated design to destroy someone. I wonder if the tragedy of this youth isn't similar. I wonder if calling it 'bullying' doesn't add an unnecessary layer of culpability on a couple of young people who will already have to live with the consequences of their stupidity.
More specifically, I worry that by calling something 'bullying' that isn't in fact bullying, if we draw attention away from a different, but equally serious problem -- we live in a culture in which too many young gay people have been taught to feel utterly ashamed of who they are. Consider how the situation might be different had a straight young man's sexual conquest been broadcast on the internet. Would it have been embarrassing? Probably. But would it have ended in a tragic suicide? Probably not.
The tragedy of these suicides, and any other acts of self-loathing, has less to do with any single act that might push someone over the edge, and more to do with the larger culture that teaches these gay youth to hate themselves, to be ashamed of what they are, and to believe that their friends and family and community will reject them if they ever find out about their sexuality. Did this boy end his life because he was teased mercilessly, or because now the world would know his darkest secret, that he was gay?
This is the irreconcilable difference that exists between the gay community and the leadership of the LDS church. No matter how much the church decries 'bullying' and hate crimes, they will continue to teach that gay people should be ashamed of their gay behavior, and that society at large should not accept the legitimacy of a gay life. That isn't bullying... it is worse.
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