So, I was perusing the pile of classifieds that comes standard with every season ticket purchase, and I see that one of the hyped "New Traditions" this year for the Mighty Utes is flying a hawk around the stadium 15 minutes before kickoff.
Hells bells.
So, now that we are joining the self important needle neck wankers in the PAC, I suppose it's inevitable that these new conference mate goobers believe themselves more enlightened than the actual leaders of the Ute tribe. As such, there's probably some movement afoot to hasten the departure of all things Ute from the University of Utah - back to reservation for U, or some such. I would like to make clear that I believe this move is horse pucky, ad infinitum. Next, the PAC will force us to wear black turtlenecks to the blackout, and to sell premium coffee at every concession stand. BACK OFF, DIETER AND BARBARA!!!
However, I recall that my overly cynical father played for the University of Utah Runnin' Redskins, so a similar change isn't all that far back in our history.
But why in the name of Chase Peterson and James E. Talmage do we have to be the friggin' Hawks? Teams with a Hawk as their mascot are about as rare as air molecules. Why can't we get outside the box here?
I'm in full support of Mr. Crimson's proposal of the Utah Crimson Moose. Now THAT'S a mascot. What group of foes wouldn't be overcome with fear at the site of a Crimson Moose? Terrifying. Also, think of the hats! We’re going to be the backwoods rednecks of the PAC anyway, why not embrace it? All we need is a Crimson Moose for a mascot, and maybe have Sarah Palin dance instead of that cougar the Crazy Lady.
Look, everybody hates Swoop. Everybody. We are well aware that the Swoop costume was purchased on clearance at the WalMart in Evanston. We think, collectively, that when our new PAC 12 overlords demand an enlightened, sensitive change over the objections of the actual Ute tribe, we should slowly roast Swoop on a spit over an open fire at the 50 yard line, have a gigantic foam Crimson Moose trot out and trample on the ashes, place the ashes in an urn, and parade the urn around campus along with Marty Johnson’s left testicle on a pike and the SUGAR BOWL trophy.
Can I get a witness, please?
Hells bells.
So, now that we are joining the self important needle neck wankers in the PAC, I suppose it's inevitable that these new conference mate goobers believe themselves more enlightened than the actual leaders of the Ute tribe. As such, there's probably some movement afoot to hasten the departure of all things Ute from the University of Utah - back to reservation for U, or some such. I would like to make clear that I believe this move is horse pucky, ad infinitum. Next, the PAC will force us to wear black turtlenecks to the blackout, and to sell premium coffee at every concession stand. BACK OFF, DIETER AND BARBARA!!!
However, I recall that my overly cynical father played for the University of Utah Runnin' Redskins, so a similar change isn't all that far back in our history.
But why in the name of Chase Peterson and James E. Talmage do we have to be the friggin' Hawks? Teams with a Hawk as their mascot are about as rare as air molecules. Why can't we get outside the box here?
I'm in full support of Mr. Crimson's proposal of the Utah Crimson Moose. Now THAT'S a mascot. What group of foes wouldn't be overcome with fear at the site of a Crimson Moose? Terrifying. Also, think of the hats! We’re going to be the backwoods rednecks of the PAC anyway, why not embrace it? All we need is a Crimson Moose for a mascot, and maybe have Sarah Palin dance instead of that cougar the Crazy Lady.
Look, everybody hates Swoop. Everybody. We are well aware that the Swoop costume was purchased on clearance at the WalMart in Evanston. We think, collectively, that when our new PAC 12 overlords demand an enlightened, sensitive change over the objections of the actual Ute tribe, we should slowly roast Swoop on a spit over an open fire at the 50 yard line, have a gigantic foam Crimson Moose trot out and trample on the ashes, place the ashes in an urn, and parade the urn around campus along with Marty Johnson’s left testicle on a pike and the SUGAR BOWL trophy.
Can I get a witness, please?
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