List of favorite atrocities

[Goatnapper'96]

as fizz assist has blessed us with our eyes becoming open to the many atrocities that the LDS organization/culture/church/religion has perpetrated on so many people, I thought I might invite all to list their favorite atrocity they have endured as part of their personal LDS experience. Their is trully something about us that love to be persecuted so that we might be able to connect with our heritage, perhaps it might explain why such asshats as fizz assist or SeattleUte choose to spend so much time on this venue, but that is for another day.

I was once a priesthood holder at this strange phenomenon called "Girls Camp." I was routinely annhilated by 14-18 year old girls in a game of cups that consists of putting cups on a picnic table in some strange order that I was never able to master. I also had to dance to the song "Mcdonalds..Mcdonalds KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN!"

I also had to personally witness firsthand Quentin Corryatt sodomizing Ty Detmer..over and over and over and over.....

I also attended an event called "Y Weekend" in December 1989 and had to listen to a bunch of future BYU honors students singing hymns from Victorville to Santaquin and thus I-15 Northbound became my personal "trail of tears."

There are others, but I choose to spare you any more carnage! Did I mention that I couldn't get laid until I was older than 24 and by golly I had options! Damn the man from center field...damn the man from center field!

[LA Ute]

as fizz assist has blessed us with our eyes becoming open to the many atrocities that the LDS organization/culture/church/religion has perpetrated on so many people, I thought I might invite all to list their favorite atrocity they have endured as part of their personal LDS experience.

When I was taking the LDS Wood Badge Course I had to sing a song about Scouting to the tune of "It's A Small World."

We had to sing it over and over all day.

In the middle of the woods, in a beautiful setting.

It was still in my head when I closed my eyes that night and tried to sleep.

I have been emotionally scarred ever since. Someday I may be able to talk to my children about the experience. Right now it is just too fresh.

[TripletDaddy]

I also attended an event called "Y Weekend" in December 1989 and had to listen to a bunch of future BYU honors students singing hymns from Victorville to Santaquin and thus I-15 Northbound became my personal "trail of tears."

I have been very pleased with my Church associations and would have to strain at a gnat to identify a true atrocity. However, if we want to drop down a notch to the "tragedy" level, I would include things such as tunnel singing at BYU, being forced to go to the cannery in Los Angeles and can peaches on a Saturday morning, and the gradual shift away from constructing new chapels without the Bishop's red warning light on the pulpit. Was there anything greater that sitting in F&T and seeing the reflection of the Red light on the speaker's eye glasses?

PS I went to Y weekend in 1989 and I had a wonderful time. You are just pissed that Rex Pugmire paid more attention to the elect members of the Thousand Oaks Stake contingency than he did to the ragtags from the Simi Valley branch.

[LiveCoug]

This is specific only to my ward growing up, but Michael Mclean led sing alongs in our meetings were pretty atrocious.

[Goatnapper'96]

I have been very pleased with my Church associations and would have to strain at a gnat to identify a true atrocity. However, if we want to drop down a notch to the "tragedy" level, I would include things such as tunnel singing at BYU, being forced to go to the cannery in Los Angeles and can peaches on a Saturday morning, and the gradual shift away from constructing new chapels without the Bishop's red warning light on the pulpit. Was there anything greater that sitting in F&T and seeing the reflection of the Red light on the speaker's eye glasses?

PS I went to Y weekend in 1989 and I had a wonderful time. You are just pissed that Rex Pugmire paid more attention to the elect members of the Thousand Oaks Stake contingency than he did to the ragtags from the Simi Valley branch.

I would have beaten your ass had we been on the same Y weekend. Your ass was not beaten, hence we were not on the same Y weekend.

You were TOHS class of 1989 along with Steve Cisco and after Mark Monestine. I was Simi Valley High School class of 1990, meaning I graduated with that homerun hitting Depeche Mode loving buddy of yours. Hence, if we both attended Y weekend the December prior to our graduating year, I am assuming the Y weekend for the noble of SoCal happened the same month each year, you would have gone December 1988 and I December 1989.

I would still beat your ass, and probably Rex Pugmire's as well as nobody knows the pain of having the valedictorian of Lompoc High wail in my ear "Happy are we..happy are we.." or "onward ever onward" as I pass through Vegas imagining voluptuous scantilly clad man made hooters and a world without the atrocity of that whole "thou shalt not committ adultery" commandment and its mormon interpetation that asexually getting a nut was a bad thing.

So anytime you wanna meet at Tierra Rejada we can settle this, my friend.

[Jeff Lebowski]

Road Shows.

Back in HS I got suckered into participating in a modern dance act in our stake road show. It was partly my fault, because I was kind of sweet on the girl in charge of the act. To my horror, it evolved into something far different than was originally advertised, eventually including costumes and makeup. To this day it was the gayest thing I have ever done. I blush thinking about it.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

During the summer of 1998 the San Andreas Ward of the Lodi Stake was forced to listen to my companion and I sing "Called To Serve" a capella. I am sure many people left the church following that atrocity.

[Goatnapper'96]

Road Shows.

Back in HS I got suckered into participating in a modern dance act in our stake road show. It was partly my fault, because I was kind of sweet on the girl in charge of the act. To my horror, it evolved into something far different than was originally advertised, eventually including costumes and makeup. To this day it was the gayest thing I have ever done. I blush thinking about it.

What is the litmus test for making participating in either a road show or dance festival, for the reasons you stated which I think explains why all of us non-gay type of guys actually would allow ourselves to be involved, worth it?

Make out? Dry humping? Rounding 3rd base by going top shelf? Something that once would result in a chat with the Bishop but now keeps one on the missionary sidelines, perhaps indefinitely if your Bishop or Stake President did not get the memo from Elder Ballard that they are the cause of the salesforce numbers dropping!

[Goatnapper'96]

During the summer of 1998 the San Andreas Ward of the Lodi Stake was forced to listen to my companion and I sing "Called To Serve" a capella. I am sure many people left the church following that atrocity.

You related to the Valedictorian of Lompoc High class of 1990? She looked like she was getting laid as she wailed out "Onward ever onward."

No, I did not go to the BYU.

[Jeff Lebowski]

What is the litmus test for making participating in either a road show or dance festival, for the reasons you stated which I think explains why all of us non-gay type of guys actually would allow ourselves to be involved, worth it?

Make out? Dry humping? Rounding 3rd base by going top shelf? Something that once would result in a chat with the Bishop but now keeps one on the missionary sidelines, perhaps indefinitely if your Bishop or Stake President did not get the memo from Elder Ballard that they are the cause of the salesforce numbers dropping!

In this case, we made out plenty. And she was particularly gifted in that area. But she owed me at least something bishop-confession-worthy.

[TripletDaddy]

Road Shows.

Back in HS I got suckered into participating in a modern dance act in our stake road show. It was partly my fault, because I was kind of sweet on the girl in charge of the act. To my horror, it evolved into something far different than was originally advertised, eventually including costumes and makeup. To this day it was the gayest thing I have ever done. I blush thinking about it.

I got sucked into the pageantry that is the LDS Road Show. We were all "rockin' birds" and dressed in crazy bird costumes. The storyline: we lived on a series of telephone poles and the electric company was going to tear down the poles and move them, thereby displacing our home. Through some singing and dancing, we were somehow able to convince the electric company to not move the poles and our home was saved. The final number was all of us doing some ensemble song and dance routine to the tune of "Dentist" from Little Shop of Horrors.

To this day, not sure what that Road Show skit had to do with the Gospel. But the director and the choreographer definitely followed The Producers' mantra and Kept It Gay.

[Surfah]

I got sucked into the pageantry that is the LDS Road Show. We were all "rockin' birds" and dressed in crazy bird costumes. The storyline: we lived on a series of telephone poles and the electric company was going to tear down the poles and move them, thereby displacing our home. Through some singing and dancing, we were somehow able to convince the electric company to not move the poles and our home was saved. The final number was all of us doing some ensemble song and dance routine to the tune of "Dentist" from Little Shop of Horrors.

To this day, not sure what that Road Show skit had to do with the Gospel. But the director and the choreographer definitely followed The Producers' mantra and Kept It Gay.

Weird I was in a Road Show similar to that. I was a sea gull starving until we came upon the cricket infested Utahans. We sang original lyrics to 50's tunes.

Another atrocity was being the star performer in a movie called "Seminary Breakout" loosely based on the prison escapees from the prison out by Castaic, CA.

[RockyBalboa]

I played the Villain in the Stake RoadShow when I was 16 or 17..I can't quite remember.

It was a take off of Snidley Whiplash....except my name was Snidley Snodgrass. Complete with big taped on curly mustache, black cape, and 40 pounds of that gel goop to keep my curly hair plastered down to the sides.

[beelzebabette]

I played the Villain in the Stake RoadShow when I was 16 or 17..I can't quite remember.

It was a take off of Snidley Whiplash....except my name was Snidley Snodgrass. Complete with big taped on curly mustache, black cape, and 40 pounds of that gel goop to keep my curly hair plastered down to the sides.

I forgot you were Snidley. That loose interpretation of a "road show" (thank you, Carol Lasson) was actually the first thing that came to mind when people started sharing other atrocities, but I opted to block it out until you brought it back to me.

While DDD had to stick to one bird, I was allowed to act out several animals in the course of one dance. Had that not been the last year our stake did road shows--they did do a BOM play once--my testimony of the youth programs in the church might have faltered. Speaking of the BOM play, I had my one line, "Sherem is dead" taken away from me by Sister Lasson in the final dress rehearsal because I didn't say it with enough feeling--my response was that my own brother was Sherem so if I couldn't manage an emotional enough response for her than she should find someone who wasn't dead inside. I'm scarred to this day as I'm sure you can tell.

Oh, back to the original topic... I can attest that Rocky played the part of the villain well. Who knew he could pick up leers and innuendo in just one Saturday for a flawless delivery?

[PaloAltoCougar]

The road show I participated in as a youth was so dreadful I vowed never to allow my six kids to be so abused. Consequently, I've written the scripts for each of our kids, and the dramas have ranged from "didn't suck, but came close" to "mildly entertaining." My favorite was "Melchizedek Park", in which F.A.R.M.S.' scientists, using mosquitoes taken from pitch found in the Great Lakes region, clone what they believe will be Nephites, but end up with the Gadianton Robbers ("Fork over thy gold, they ziff, and all of they precious things."). We had to have a dance number, so the bishopric pirouetted across the stage in tutu's and large reptilian heads as The Dancing Velociraptors. The judges gave us first place, notwithstanding one reviewer's comment that the musical "seemed to have been scripted by someone on acid."

Perhaps the greatest atrocity I suffered was being compelled to attend Acorn Training and, with a Leatherman being jabbed into my back by our SPK, Heinrich Himmler's grandson, being forced to engage in a series of emasculatory cheers and songs that haunt me to this day.